Stay At Home Dads - any support?

[Flangelina]

We are considering the possibility of my husband staying at home or working part time. Anyone know of any support networks for him, particularly in the North London area?

[zippitippitoes]

I don't know but there have been some stay at home dads on mn

think hub2dee was one but he isn't posting much now

just bumping for you really

[meowmix]

my DH is a sahd, has been for 3 years now. But we're a looooooooong way from north london. TBH its quite hard to find other sahds but if he can get through the mother and baby groups then he'll make a network for himself. It just takes time and an ability to look deaf when people start talking about cracked nipples.

It works brilliantly for us - but word of caution for you from my experience. It's easy to try and overcompensate and invade his territory and that will create tensions. I've hung on to certain household jobs and that allows me to be 'wife' without standing on toes. Also be ready for him to have more of a male work attitude than you would. DH clocks off mentally once I walk in which makes for long days for me, but also allows me to be mum once I leave work.

Don't assume he'll do things the way you do them and be ok with that from the start (a classic for us was that he leaves toys out because they'll just get messy again tomorrow whereas I like them tidied away. I have no fingernails some nights from this). Don't see him changing routines as criticism of you, he needs to make the job his own.

Try not to tell him what to do in the early days but if he says " I didn't have time to do x" then say "god yes, thats a mare, I always etc etc."

It takes about 3 months to settle, then another 3 to be normal.

feel free to cat me if you want to talk more

[aDad]

i stayed home and cut down my hours when dp went back to work part-time for a couple of years. Really enjoyed it, and may well be doing it again when dp finishes mat leave.

Sorry, dont know of any support networks as such and not norf london myself either! I've got a feeling no such thing exists. I was surprised how few other dads you meet during the week tbh.

[zippitippitoes]

he could of course use mn as a support network

[hub2dee]

I'm North London, and I'm a SAHD part time. I haven't come across any support networks as such, except for MN IYSWIM.

tbh - if there was a 'men only' get together, I'm not sure it'd be my cup of tea... I think what sahds seek is simply activities were there appears to be a slight mix in the audience IYSWIM, and also places where instead of being semi-shunned when we walk in / hang out are warmly welcomed.

Sometimes going to a few activities with dw helped to break the ice considerably.

The trick to keeping sane, IMHO, is scheduling some kind of activity every day, and also praying fervently for decent weather.

hth

[tribpot]

Home Dad might be worth a look

[aDad]

cooeee < waves to Hub>

[hub2dee]

Hi aDad. Hope you're well. And shooting lots.

Excuse me, I have to go and tidy my shed.

[aDad]

Yes have been!

Life still chocka. Will drop you an email soon.

[Flangelina]

Thanks very much for all these posts. I will draw dh's attention to them. V nice to hear from you aDad and hub2dee.

tribpot thanks for the link. I came across it earlier whilst googling.

[hub2dee]

Pleasure. There's a few other blokes on here (I'm not around much anymore). Tell dh to register an MN name and get posting !

How old are your child(ren) btw ?

[abgirl]

Flangelina my DH has been a SAHD for the past 16 months since I went back to work full time after having DS. We did have a local Dads group but it wasn't very well attended and he found it a bit boring. Before I went back to work I signed him up for a baby PEEP course at a local sure start centre and the ladies he met there have become his social network (I already knew most of them from a post-natal group coincidentally). We do know of other Dads who stay at home in our area but they don't seem to go out much and I think their DCs miss out on contact with other children - I'm now quite jealous some days of what DH and DS are going off today with their friends!!