Work makes me so anxious I want to quit

(11 Posts)
anxietycentralallthetime Sat 23-Sep-17 17:41:38

So I went back to work a few months ago after maternity leave.
I'm so anxious on a weekly basis that I just want to quit.
Basically we have a notebook where the bosses write issues and everyone signs to say they've read it as bosses are rarely present.
I dread going in every day as I get paranoid that they think the problems are caused by me.
For example a note from bosses saying how upset they were that people hadn't watered the brand new hanging baskets and they have died. I automatically think this is aimed at me and get knots in my stomach and then over compensate by writing long notes back to the bosses in the book stating when I watered them trying to prove it wasn't my fault they died.
Another one was that lots of stock got put out wrongly this week which could potentially damage the stock, it happened because everyone's rushing I think, but I genuinely don't think I put any out wrong although can't be 100% sure. I'm really worried the bosses think it's me (there's 5 members of staff putting boxes out on different days) so again I write a massive essay in the book describing exactly how I put the boxes out the correct way.
I take criticism very very badly and get knots in my stomach and can't sleep after I have read the weekly bosses notes.
I really just want to quit. Feel awful constantly and worried I'll mess up or they think it's me doing things wrong and want to sack me.
We work singly so there's no one there to back other members of staff up (think shifts in a small petrol station open 24/7 type work)
How do I make myself stop giving a shit?
I just feel like the others probably think I'm trying to blame them. Also I commented in the book a few days before saying my shift was quiet so I managed to get 8 boxes of stock out (which is quite a lot) so that makes me think the bosses will blame me for the wrong way some stock was put out as they'll think I was rushing.
I just think it's messing up my mental health being put through that every day.

OP’s posts: |
Surferbel Sat 23-Sep-17 19:51:15

Hi, I'm really sorry for you, I know how you feel. Anxiety is one of the worst feelings on earth and it can majorly get you down. It's like our bodies go into a fight or flight response but over everyday situations. This can be absolutely exhausting and the second guessing ourselves can be mentally draining.

It sounds to me like your bosses are alittle over the top and picky and aren't getting at you but in fact just trying to do their job. They are probably stressed themselves and just trying to ensure everything runs smoothly. When I feel like you do I always find it helps to try and stand in the other person shoes and this makes me realise that they aren't getting at me. I then think that people are far too preoccupied with their own lives to be thinking about what I'm doing. When bosses complain it's because they are worried about their superiors criticising them and also fear people will think they aren't managing properly. It's about them not you if that makes sense. If they don't write in the book they may feel they aren't doing their job. It would be nice if they wrote some positives in there but unfortunately bosses rarely give us positives and only areas to improve; they don't realise how destructive to staff morale this can be.

If your job makes you very unhappy it's not worth it but with all jobs there will be issues but just maybe different ones to the ones you're experiencing right now. It may be worth having a chat with your doctor just to get some advice and relaxation techniques?

i hope you feel better soon...

Surferbel Sat 23-Sep-17 19:54:59

Also the fact you haven't been back to work long after maternity leave says to me the bosses won't be expecting too much from you. It takes time to get back in the swing of things and go easy on yourself. You're already doing a great job of being a Mama. I'm currently on maternity leave myself at the moment and don't know what I'll be like when/if I go back! Cut yourself some slack as you've been through a lot x

anxietycentralallthetime Sat 23-Sep-17 20:02:22

Thank you for your lovely reply. I really appreciate it. It's a new job role for me. I was self employed before and my income was dwindling so for the first time in 10 years I have a boss! I'm really struggling. I read a comment in the book and then for the rest of the day I've got a sinking feeling in my stomach and then struggle to sleep at night as I'm so anxious! It's awful. I'm going to try and research some techniques to help me toughen up a bit!

OP’s posts: |
itreallyiswhatitis Sat 23-Sep-17 20:07:54

Anxiety. Not only do you need to thinking comments are aimed at you, you need to stop being defensive when you write your essays. Writing nothing would be better than a defensive essay.

If you must write something, you need to approach it in a forward looking, constructive, problem solving way.

itreallyiswhatitis Sat 23-Sep-17 20:08:38

Need to STOP thinking the comments are aimed at you...

anxietycentralallthetime Sat 23-Sep-17 20:22:47

I know I know. I just want them to know I'm good at my job and not be annoyed at me.
I did say in my reply this week that I'll make sure all the products are put out correctly when I'm in next week, so that's kind of looking forward.
I hate anxiety. Being self employed for so long with no anxiety has been lovely. This has just thrown me back 10 years to when I was employed in other roles and how much it affected me. Honestly if a boss says "can I have a word" I almost have a full blown panic attack. I just want to run away.

OP’s posts: |
Surferbel Sat 23-Sep-17 20:33:12

They won't be annoyed with you and will know you're good at your job. They will just be aiming comments at everybody to make sure everything runs smoothly. I know how you feel as being called in can feel awful and cause panic/fight or flight response. With anxiety we just jump to the worst possible thing and all logic goes out of the window. We go from 0 to 1000 in the matter of minutes. You have to not let your mind play tricks on you and tell yourself this isn't rational thinking.i know easier said than done. You can get some herbal tablets called Quiet life in Boots. They may help relax you alittle and more natural and can task as and when unlike or prescription meds. I find hem quite effective.

Surferbel Sat 23-Sep-17 20:33:58

take*

Surferbel Sat 23-Sep-17 20:34:50

unlike prescription* them* (dam typos lol)

anxietycentralallthetime Sat 23-Sep-17 20:44:54

I will look those up thank you!
I've got diazepam when I'm really bad but only like to take every few months.

OP’s posts: |

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