I've ust drafted my return to work letter - I could cry!

[LowFatMilkshake]

I am so anxious about returning to work. I really hate my boss - I have never hated anyone really not even the girl who bullied me at school when I think how I feel about this guy!

I still have 8 whole weeks before I go back - but I know they will fly by and I am already getting so wound up I will be in the looney bin and having a panic attack again.

This guy doesnt realise it was him putting my BP up that had me bringing my Mat leave forward by 2 weeks.

He has no family or female influence in his life, and no one waiting for him at home of an evening so he completely does not get the family dynamic and the need for me to be out the door dead on 5 to get a bus to get home for 5.45 - just to be get 15 mnutes playtime with DC's do the bath thing and say goodnight. He thinks it is funny to keep me in his office just 5 minutes late so I miss my bus and have to wait 30 minutes for the next one.

He is serial a*ehole, tight fisted, mean hearted, bad mannered, "get your staff to do it and take the credit" wnker!!

I had intended to look for another job while on Mat Leave, as I have had all the chldren I will be having now and no longer need to maintain maternity rights etc. But looking at it realistically I am paid really well even though I am on my part-time hours and DH and my hours go so well together that we dont need to pay for childcare. So there is a one-in-a-million chance of managing to get a job that still ticks all these boxes.

[LucyJones]

Does he have a boss that you could talk to?
Or a human resource department that you could complain to?
It probably won't be nearly as bad as you are thinking it will be but it sounds like it isn't doing your health any good.

[Cashncarry]

LFMS - poor you

No wonder you're at sixes and sevens about going back. My first thought was to look for another job but then I thought, why the heck should you?! Is it a big company? Do they have an HR department? I'd have a word (via email/letter if you're feeling nervous but phone is better) and tell them your concerns and ask them what steps they will take to ensure you can leave on time every day.

If it's a small company or even a one-man band, I would put your concerns in writing and make it clear that you don't intend to stay a minute past your contractual hours.

This is all assuming that your contract does not state that they are entitled to expect you to work overtime on an ad-hoc basis.

[LowFatMilkshake]

Unfortuneatley I am in a one-of-a-kind position in a small dept within a huge company and worse still my dept is within HR, so any complaint and I would be pinpointed in a heartbeat.

I tried calling the union, but they are crap and say to get signed off - jepoardising future bonus's and payrises - yeah right!

It is'nt in my contract to work adhoc overtime, although it does say we may be required to work extra hours as the business requires, but such a need would be dictated from higher up than my boss.

But my boss has always said it is unprofesional for you to leave at 5pm if you have'nt finsihed what you are doing - which is easy for him to say. He is on a massive salary and drives and as already stated has no one to worry about but himself. He is such a jobsworth he has actually sold his annual leave!!

And when I was inhospital last year with a M/C I phoned him to tell him and he actually updated me while I sat inm y hopsital bed on the latest HR changes!! And I was paying for the call.

[Cashncarry]

I don't understand why being in HR would mean that you can't raise an HR related problem. If they're a huge company, presumably they have policies in place to prevent this sort of behaviour - it's simply unacceptable for him to say to you that it's unprofessional for you to leave at 5pm. He should not be making demands of you which override your contractual obligations.

Is there a grievance procedure which you can put in place while you're on maternity leave? Even if your position is a one-off, presumably there are other managers (even his line manager) you can approach informally at first?

at your miscarriage and at his ignorant response

[LowFatMilkshake]

C&C - re Mile fo Maude, was going to start a thread to ask about it as I am still on for it and gathering sponsors - must have missed the thread!! Can you link??

[Cashncarry]

Sorry - I've read my post back and I'm really on my soapbox, aren't I?!

I'm just because you're letting this guy bully you and it's just not right - where is he, I'll kick his arse

[LowFatMilkshake]

Re the HR thing, it is a real back-stabbing culture I left in November. I know there have been changes but I doubt that it is all sweet and happy - if anything it will be worse.

If I reported my boss one of the managers who would deal with the case would tell him 'off the record' and I dont deal with confrontation well.

[Cashncarry]

MK Mile for Maude

I'm so excited - I reeaaally love you, mwah

[I'm not a stalker really emoticon]

[Cashncarry]

Sounds like a terrible environment to work in

I know it's hard anticipating the confrontation but it seems to me you have three very definite choices:

1. put up with the situation, risking your health both emotionally and mentally and any knock-on effects that will have on your family;
2. look for another job meaning a lot of upheaval generally and possibly worse conditions, worse boss etc. etc.
3. confront the situation head on using the framework your company should provide - informal or formal.

I'd pick confrontation every time but then I'm a kick your arse sort of gal!

[dumbymummy]

LFMS - what's the dynamic between you and your arsehole of a boss? Is he younger than you, or older than you?

[Cashncarry]

LFMS - I've got to head to bed now but will keep checking this thread tomorrow. Please don't be down-hearted - 8 weeks is a long time and there's plenty of MN'ers who've been through what you're going through and hopefully you'll get some good advice about how to handle it xx

[LowFatMilkshake]

When you see me at Mile for Maude you will think how can a big gal like that be such a scaredy cat

We have a man who is our liason with HR in terms of employees needs and wants etc. He is a bit like Dale Winton - very friendly though. I might risk a call to him. My boss would not be impressed - on top of everything else he is a complete homophob!

[foxinsocks]

what time are your kids going to bed?

Does your boss have a boss that you could have a quiet word with?

[LowFatMilkshake]

DM my boss is mid-40's, I am early 30's!

He is very sexist. I have had to sit in his office before now listening him to him in a handsfree convo with another male coleague discussing the boobs of women at football matches which are televised!
Other colleague was not aware I was in the room I should add!

I really despise him.

[LowFatMilkshake]

FIS - we have a long bedtime routine, built up over time, but basically we stat going upstairs between 6 and 6.30 both DC's, DH and I do baths and stories and cuddles and it's a nice wind down. I dont want to loose this as in Sept DD will be at pre-school 5 mornings so I will take her and pick her up, but then bedtime is all I will have left

[dumbymummy]

You need to spend the next 8 weeks trying to empower yourself. It's very difficult to find the ideal job ... and apart from the boss, sounds like you've got it. People like him need to understand that if people like you didn't have children, he wouldn't have any customers. He wouldn't have a job. Oh, and incidentally, the human race would also die out in 50 years. He is very much in the wrong with regards to his conduct. ALL THE CARDS ARE STACKED IN YOUR FAVOUR. Tell the gay bloke you referred to, if you can't confront him personally. He will have huge empathy, I'm sure. And if this man is a sexist, my bet is that the gay man loathes him already. Your boss's behaviour is unacceptable and he can be fired under present legislation. If you must return to work, then you must get rid of him before you do.

[chestnutter]

I would write a letter to your boss and copy in HIS line manager and your HR representative making the following points:

1. you are looking forward to coming back from your maternity leave and contributing again in your former post
   
   
2. However, you want to clarify a point regarding your contracted hours at this stage so that it does not impede your transition back into work.
   
   
3. Historically it has been made clear to you that leaving at 5pm is problematic, despite the fact that you ensure your work is completed by then as this is the end of your contracted hours
   
   
4. Your childcare arrangements on returning to work this time around means that you have even less flexibility about staying the office beyond 5pm as you have to pick your baby up by 6pm (or whatever)
   
   
5. could you then offer to start 15 minutes earlier and leave 15 minutes earlier? This would take the pressure off you at the end of the day (and believe me I know what that's like!)
   
   
6. you then state again that you're bringing this to your boss's attention now to avoid any unecessary confusion about your working hours once you have returned
   
   Your boss is bullying you and I totally understand your reluctance to confront him (because he's bullied you into that position) but you are well within your rights on this one and I have a feeling that if you stand your ground, he'll let you get on with it.
   
   Sorry for the long post!

[LowFatMilkshake]

Thanks DM and ChestN. I have made it clear in my return to work letter - which is being copied to payroll, that I have more to say on the matter of terms of return.

It doesnt help that my DH has had changes at work while I have been on Mat leave which mean that I will have to ask to owrk an hour from home each day or reduce hours by 1 a day (the less favourable). But I am determined to be as flexible as my circumstance will allow.

[chestnutter]

Good for you. My boss sounds very similar but is difficult in a different way! I think its good that you're going to get it ironed out before your go back because this will put your mind at rest a bit and also send a message to your boss that you are on the 'front foot' about the way things are going to be. Good luck!

[Cashncarry]

LFMS - hope you had a good night's sleep and feel less worried today. I think you've had some great advice and particularly like all the points in Chestnutter's letter.

I think DM's point about spending the next 8 weeks empowering yourself is a great idea. You've probably just been so ground down by it over the years that it's hard to imagine yourself raising objections to his dreadful behaviour.

Why don't you give "Dale Winton" man a call/email to see if you can gauge what, if anything, he can do to put your mind at rest.

Don't worry - I will try to pass on some "kick your arse" spirit when we meet on the Mile for Maude!

[LowFatMilkshake]

When I left to have DD I had a great boss but he retired at the same time and then I returned to this a**hole. It was like going from Fezzywig to Scrooge!

He said he had a 3yr plan and would not be staying long. 3.5 years later he's still here!

Old boss was great every Friday he bought the whole office a bacon or sausage sarnie. He never made you work late and let each of us "work from hom " for one day at Christmas.

This guy is so mean that on the one time a year when he manages to get out of the office and get doughnuts (usually when we have reached a deadline for him and he's taken our crecit - and we know it) he only buys ring ones as they are cheaper, he also only buys enough for per person, where as we would buy a bag of 10 and some people - always him - have seconds!

[chocolatekimmy]

That could have been me in the OP. I have just confirmed that i am returning on 21st May, a year after I went off.

So I know exactly how you feel but you need to focus on the return and the positive things about your hours and pay. You can start to look for another job once you have settled back into the work routine. In the meantime, also focus on all the other good things in your life.

I know its hard but try to make the best of the 8 weeks. Get things sorted that you want to and spend good time with the kids. Try not to let work rule your life.

My boss completely lacks people management skills, is lazy and can't be arsed to complete a professional qualification even though he has been ordered to by people higher up. He lacks the technical knowledge he needs and just has no credibility. Our relationship is crap - in fact 'our song' is the one that goes "every day I love you less and less" (can't remember which band).

When I returned from previous leave he had been put in place and he destroyed what was previously an excellent and happy team. I thought it was at rock bottom, but despite numerous honest discussions with his manager (who I got on very well with) there was a reluctance to actually do anything about it. It was all talk - senior managers didn't want to accept that 'one of them' was an issue as they were the ones who put him there in the first place and it would be seen as a failing on their part.

I couldn't wait to go on leave last May but since then, 5 out of 8 of the team have left and the 3 fully qualified ones have not been replaced in terms of knowledge and skills. So what I go back to is a team that is dis-jointed, inexperienced and who lack any form of guidance or management. Can't wait! It will all fall on me to pick up the pieces.

I need to be positive as the money is good and the hours are part time and what suits me. I will go in and do what I have to, nothing more, and then go home at the end of the day but really that isn't my style so I know I won't be happy.

In addition he has messed me about regarding my pay, kept contacting me about returning, screwed up procedurally regarding my flex working application and the card for when I gave birth was handed to me last month when I went in for a meeting - signed by all those who have since left (and baby was 8 months by then)!

Am I bitter - yes. And can you guess his field - yep HR. Complete joke!

[LowFatMilkshake]

CK - is'nt HR a great department - very much do as we say say not a we do. What would happen if the whole workforce followed an HR managers example.

I contacted my office to ask for contact details of payroll (just to send a copy of my return to work letter), and the girl who is looking after my position said I should go through my mananger - talk about "dont tell me what to do" She has been with the company about 1 year - I have been there over 10! She is a graduate who was hired to do top level stuff then the guy who hired her was moved so she is lingering and doing odd jobs in different depts within HR. She is fulltime and on mega bucks so I know when I go back I will be compared to her with regards to the amount and level of work I can do.

I dont know how I am going to get the 'Dales' number now - as rubbish as they are I think I might have to go through the Union and ask them to get it for me. Every call I make to our office is probably going to be scrutinised now

[chocolatekimmy]

Be OK if they followed my example!

[LowFatMilkshake]

Have spoken to my arse of a boss! He has said he wants to increase my role which is a prt-time on to full time. I ave told him I could do this if I can work from home - he wants the support in the ofice (probably becaus he can't switch his computer on or something stupid )

If I cant do it full-time he wants it jobshare, but as I work 5 hours a day where is he going to find someone willing to do a 2-hour a day jobshare??

I dot think he realises he can't change my job till I go back or else he is in breach of the regulations protecting return to work mothers - stupid idiot.