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Feeling like the country forces single parents in to debt/poverty

(42 Posts)
xcxcsophiexcxc Thu 07-Sep-17 16:20:31

I'm a single mum currently on maternity currently looking at returning back to my job after 8 months maternity leave. I was looking forward to it but I now I feel overwhelmingly stressed.
I earn more than minimum wage but not enough to break even after child care costs if I go back full time , and won't get tax credits towards childcare if I do as I'll earn pass the threshold yet if I go back part time and get tax credits for child care then I still won't take home enough to cover life. I feel I'm stuck taking home near a grand after costs however when mortgage/rent is 800 I'm struggling to find a solution to make this work.
I don't have any family to look after my son, has anyone else be faced with this situation?

OP’s posts: |
OlderGolder Thu 07-Sep-17 16:25:39

I agree with you.

It is very hard.

Some people manage it but they usually have an advantage, such as a grandparent to take on the childcare, or a good salary, or only the one child already at school.

It's hard. brew

Desperad0 Thu 07-Sep-17 16:27:48

Hate to sound like a gf but surely you you should have looked into this before having a child?

expatinscotland Thu 07-Sep-17 16:32:43

Some people have a partner who leaves them, Des, and the law is an ass when it comes to making such people pay for the support of their children, much less ever looking after that child.

Imonlyfuckinghuman Thu 07-Sep-17 16:34:36

desperado actually your looking at it from the wrong angle. Can most people actually afford kids?? The government chop and change policies which leave parents - especially single ones fucked.

Also yeah I think you are being a GF because how the hell do you know op wasn't in a fantastic financial position and this is fall out of unexpected issues hmm

The gov are doing its best to create a massive class divide. Tax credits was possibley the worst thing they did as it let employers get away with paying piss poor rates.

Child care should 100% free. It works well for other countries and encourages people to work and contribute - but no most people are stuck in a System they will never get out off

megletthesecond Thu 07-Sep-17 16:35:50

Partners do leave when women are pregnant or after babies are born Des.

I went back to work as a lp.

PelvicFloorClenchReminder Thu 07-Sep-17 16:37:51

That was an unbelievably stupid thing to say * Desperad0 *

Desperad0 Thu 07-Sep-17 17:15:11

ok I expected to get flamed, but unless you're married worst case scenario should always be considered- I think a lot of people rush into having babies without really considering the consequences.

OP i'm sorry that you're in this situation but there must be some options? Maintenance? tax free childcare/childcare vouchers ? nursery /cm closer to work so you pay for less hours?

xcxcsophiexcxc Thu 07-Sep-17 17:29:35

I'm not gonna get in to the whole should've thought about it before, bottom line is two people are involved but children are to easy to walk away from for many.
really tried to figure it out found a childminder but it's only £13 cheaper but does add up.
luckily I have some savings so i can take the hit for some time, I really do not want to resign as I want to set an example for my child and I'm also worried if I become a stay at home mum what will happen to my career when I do return.
Don't you think though if you've paid your taxes for years and years , have worked hard you should be allowed to have children though? At this rate each parent will have to earn 40k + to securely have a child in case the other leaves. I think it's more an economical issue - there was a time where grandparents looked after the children now people cannot retire until they are very, very, old. Or the cost of living is so high that the common salary doesn't cut it.

OP’s posts: |
2014newme Thu 07-Sep-17 17:30:53

Deadbeat dads are a key factor in single mum poverty

KarateKitten Thu 07-Sep-17 17:34:13

I always think that non-resident parents should be liable for half of childcare fees on top of maintenance.

Merida83 Thu 07-Sep-17 18:06:15

I feel we should do more to make the patents who happily walk away at least financially contribute properly to their children's upbringing and lives.

Not sure how but it needs to be legally enforceable. They should also be made pay 50%Of the childcare costs on top of maintenance.

donajimena Thu 07-Sep-17 18:26:40

Desperad0 tut tut. I would like to say something stronger but would get my post deleted.
I was in a fabulous financial position. 20k in the bank spare too!
My partner fucked off. I moved into rental and spent the whole damn lot on rent until it was whittled away on to a limit where I could claim HB.
Then the highly paid job I had became replaced by part time working in a bakery because of child care.
Where is Dad in all this? Living it up as self employed! I'm on the up again now. Its only taken 12 years confused
Judgy posters like you make me very angry.
Anyway OP the system which I am also appreciative of obviously is definitely designed to limit your self improvement.
Earn an extra £50 quid a week? We'll take it off you elsewhere. I completely understand why they do this but from the parents point of view you have opened up a whole new world of shit with regards to childcare so many end up sticking to the minimum 16 hours required to qualify for WTC in a minimum wage job. By the time your children are independent you emerge lacking in skills and a good 12- 15 years older.

poshme Thu 07-Sep-17 18:34:08

Desperad0 so what would you say to people who are widowed? They shouldn't have had kids in case their partner died??

In fact, clearly no one should have kids in case their partner dies.

chickens Thu 07-Sep-17 19:05:25

Hi, I was in my 30's when my husband died at 40, our kids were 2 & 3.
Several years later and I'm still struggling financially & emotionally whilst raising 2 grieving kids.
No family to babysit, ever.
I've tried working & not working, employed & self employed, all are crap financially. Even now they're at school, I can't find a job with 16-18 weeks holiday per year & I can't abandon them for the summer holidays, tempting though it is sometimes.

Temporaryanonymity Thu 07-Sep-17 19:10:29

Are you definitely over the tax credit threshold when your childcare costs are taken into account? I am a lone parent and despite earning a great salary there are times when I struggle!

Desperad0 Thu 07-Sep-17 19:10:51

Surely if you have children you have life insurance in case one of you dies?

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower Thu 07-Sep-17 19:13:33

Have you calculated tax credits including likely childcare bill? Do you rent or have a mortgage? If you rent there's housing benefit as well.
Bit trickier with a mortgage, of course

ivykaty44 Thu 07-Sep-17 19:18:28

It's not for ever, and the benefits of working are far better

Do you rent and have you looked at HB?

expatinscotland Thu 07-Sep-17 19:21:03

'Surely if you have children you have life insurance in case one of you dies?'

What if the person ends his/her own life? Or dies due to someone else's actions and insurance doesn't pay out? Or you have a child with SN or who becomes ill and the partner or spouse fucks off and leaves you with no money? It happens a lot.

AtlanticWaves Thu 07-Sep-17 19:25:29

Where in the country do you live? Is it possible to make a long term plan to move somewhere cheaper and just take the hit in the meantime?

xcxcsophiexcxc Thu 07-Sep-17 20:09:11

I rent and pay mortgage (shares ownership) I'm not sure what will happen with it when I go back to work - my council is being silly at the moment. I get statutory pay and tax credits as I was working - for HB and council tax reduction they intitially said I qualified and now they've taken it back and saying I owe them 300 pounds in over payment 😩 And not my council tax has gone further up! Not sure how they worked that one out since I've been on 140.98 since April it there you go ... when I go back to work I'll earn more than this.
Currently I'm in Essex and I'd commute to London for my job - I can't really move elsewhere as I don't have the funds to pay solicitors , sell, remortgage etc and moving far away would be I'd loose my job - I'm very keen to stay in it as I was close to promotion before I left, they're was an opening and my boss told me next year I'll give it to you (obv meant when I'm not on maternity leave) . I feel promotion in the city is quicker and then when I'm in a higher salary I can look locally but be on a higher salary.

OP’s posts: |
Ttbb Thu 07-Sep-17 20:46:21

Just imagine how much more impoverished you would feel if this country didn't make other people pay for your medical costs, midwives, hospital, health visitors etc. And your child's education. How entitled can you get?

OlderGolder Thu 07-Sep-17 20:51:27

Desperado's post is depressing because it proves that society's most judgmental believe that it is proper order that women bear the financial sacrifices of parenting.

I split up but if my x had borne 50% of the financial sacrifices of parenting I would have been fine! If he'd borne 30% of the sacrifices of parenting I would have been ok. But I bore 100% of the sacrifices of parenting and I still get tutted by posters like desperad0

SirNiallDementia Thu 07-Sep-17 20:58:38

Does baby's father pay maintenance? Can you pursue this through CSA (even though I often read on here that they can be a bit useless)?
Do you have a spare room for a lodger?

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