Stigma of not going back to work?

[user1497020183]

I'm on maternity leave for another couple of months. My partner said that if I don't want to go back to work we will manage (with about £200-300 disposable income) on his wage. But if I wanted to go back part time my parents would have my DS. I'm leaning more toward not going back, but all my friends who had babies at the same time are going back part time and almost speak to me like I'm crazy for giving up work? What would you do?

[JoWithABow]

What work is it, and whathours? How long before you have another baby?

[Argeles]

If you can afford it, don't go back to work. Babies and children are so precious, and we only have one chance/experience with them, make the most of it.

I hate the attitude in today's society that women should go back to work when they don't really have to, and the pressure on women to do so. I see it as progression that some women have the freedom to choose whether to return to work or stay at home, whereas many of our predecessors had to stay at home as they didn't have a choice. For a lot of women it's necessary to go back to work, but I do think a lot of women are pressured into it against their wishes.

I was a Teacher, and happy with my career, but I have now been a sahm for nearly 3 years. Whilst my DH can afford for me to stay at home, there's no way I will return to teaching, nor seek any other work.

[GraceGrape]

What do you want to do long-term? Not going back at all could hamper your attempts to return later. Part-time could be a good compromise, depending on the nature of the job.

[scurryfunge]

You do what is best for you and your family. Just consider whether you can get back into work years later if you have to if your relationship goes tits up.

[SissySpacekAteMyHamster]

I honestly wouldn't give a toss what anyone else thought.

I love being a SAHM, some people like to stir it and ask when I'm getting job. Luckily DH is on a very good wage and we can afford for me not to work. If I needed to work I obviously would.

[AceholeRimmer]

Do they really enjoy their jobs? If I had a job I really love I might consider part time, but I never have had so we'd rather live semi frugally and me be a SAHM. Everyone is different, I don't get why people are shocked at perfectly reasonable, normal choices.

[Tilapia]

I was a SAHM for several years, now I'm back at work part time and I feel so happy and fulfilled. I enjoyed being a SAHM, but I did feel like a part of me was missing. It depends how much you enjoy your job though.

[LoneCrone]

Why don't you want to go back to work? What will the consequences to your career be of taking a year out, three years, five years? Can you get back in at the level you left if you want to return to work when your child starts school, or will you be deskilled and need to retrain? What are the longterm consequences of stopping work? In my career taking even a few years out would have been impossible.

I would think very carefully in your shoes before I became a SAHM, and try to be clear on whether it's a natural but temporary end-of-maternity leave wobble or dissatisfaction with your job that's driving this. I see so many women on here saying they can't afford to go back to work after their second child, when they've sidled out of the workforce gradually, without ever actually making the decision 'I am stopping work for good.' Which is not to say you shouldn't do it, and perhaps your job is less unforgiving than mine on time out, but think all round it before you make a decision.

[user1497020183]

Thanks everyone. I work in healthcare and the hours are usually weekdays 8am-7pm between those hours and the odd Saturday. I have the qualification I need for the job which I won't lose, I would just need to pay again for my registration. There isn't really any room for promotion in the job unless I went to university, and I was growing tired of it long before having DS tbh.

[MrsEricBana]

Don't worry what anyone else thinks/says, do what is right for you. I am a SAHM and I know a lot of people who work full time happily, a lot of happy SAHM and several who went back to work early on to maintain their careers and ended up giving up later as they found it so stressful juggling everything. The only thing I would say is that loads of my friends are now getting divorced and the ones who don't work are exceptionally vulnerable vs the ones that have more earning power and are now doing really well on their own.