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Should I return after 5 years?

(11 Posts)
HandmaidsFail Sun 09-Jul-17 08:13:11

I've been away from the workplace since my DS was born. He starts school in September and we have a DD who is 2.

I'm in the final round for a job almost identical to the one I had 5 years ago, the salary is great and jobs like this rarely come up close to where we live.

My DH's salary is enough for us to live on. The only reasons I would take this job are 1. The longer I leave it, the harder it will be to return to work when the DC need me less, 2. I miss using my brain and feeling useful; I miss having a trail of thought that isn't interrupted before it has begun with a shout of "mummy!"

But I feel what is best for the DC is for me to be present while the eldest starts school and that I should make the most of the lovely early years before my DD starts school in two years, I'm so lucky to be able to stay home with them.

I'm torn. I can feel my career getting further and further out of reach. I never thought I'd be off this long but the thought of not being the DC's primary carer makes me never want to return. Thank you for reading this far! And advice please?

OP’s posts: |
snackarella Sun 09-Jul-17 08:33:07

I'd take it. Worst case you can always leave if you hate it. But you can't always find a great opportunity/ good luck!

user1495915742 Sun 09-Jul-17 08:37:33

Completely agree with snackarella. I think I would take it too.

HandmaidsFail Sun 09-Jul-17 11:41:51

Thanks ladies.

OP’s posts: |
2017RedBlue Sun 09-Jul-17 11:45:46

Give it a try. I returned after an 8 year break and did 3 days a week.

In the end I was offered full-time after a year there but I turned it down as it would have meant a lot of travel = impossible.

I was made redundant in the nicest possible way I guess.

Now I'm at home again. I love being at home and I've been working on a business idea for 2 years so I have the flexibility that I still didn't feel I had even working 3 days a week.

I'm very glad I went back and tried it for a year.

If you try it, you will discover more about yourself and what you want long-term.

So yes, go for it!

HandmaidsFail Sun 09-Jul-17 11:49:03

Thanks Red,

Did your partner work full time too? My DH works long hours, travels a lot and if I get/take this, it's a big job too.

I'm worried about 2 big careers in one household!

OP’s posts: |
user1495915742 Sun 09-Jul-17 11:58:20

I think the general advice on MN is to buy in as much help as you need/can afford (i.e. cleaning, ironing, gardening, diy, online shopping). It will give you more time and make you feel less resentful if you have a clueless DH.

HandmaidsFail Sun 09-Jul-17 18:05:59

Haha! He's not clueless, he's just never had to think about these things before.

I worry about juggling schedules, what happens when a DC is off sick and we both have important meetings. He's away a lot so I'll be doing both drop off and picks ups some weeks and it all just looks so stressful. But I miss talking to people about things other than children and whatever article I read on Facebook today!

OP’s posts: |
2017RedBlue Sun 09-Jul-17 18:31:09

Yes partner has long hours. Very long hours. His career is trumps mine every time. Get's paid so much more than me.

It will be stressful if you go ahead with it - but it will also allow you to stop questioning in your mind what life would be like back at work and show you if, despite the stress, you prefer life like this.

I think full-time probably is too much if you have a partner doing very long hours and who's away a lot but it all depends on the individual - you won't know unless you try smile

When I went back I said to myself - I'll try it for a year - and if it doesn't work for me - that'll be fine. In the end, it was just a year, but I had no regrets as the place I worked for was pretty shitty - even though I loved the work and it was a very interesting industry for me.

Could you say to yourself - I'll try it for 6 months even?

Going back gave me an insight into what it's like to work 3 days a week. I always thought I would go back to work properly like this - but in the end although I also find it mind-numbling boring being at home again at times, I have no regrets as now I think there may be a future where I can build a business on my terms, no one else's. Fingers crossed.

But I wouldn't be here if I hadn't gone through the year back at work. I hope that makes sense.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do! I do understand - it's a huge dilemma. You could wait until DD is at school full-time. But in the end I was too impatient for that. LOL! I wanted my confidence back and to be around a wider cross section of people. It drove me nuts being around Mums all the time (love them all, though I do), I just needed more variety in my life.

HandmaidsFail Sun 09-Jul-17 20:35:09

Thanks Red, I really appreciate it! Sounds like a similar situation here. I used to be the main earner then went on maternity leave and my husband's career took off, meaning we could afford for me to not go back to work. But I do need something.

A year long trial sounds like a very good idea. It'll give us all a chance to try it out and work out what's best.

Thanks!! Let's hope I get it now!

OP’s posts: |
Happytot Tue 11-Jul-17 14:51:12

This time last year I was in your situation. I had been a sahm since 2011. A great opportunity came up for me. I went for it and got it. I have 3 kids aged 2- 6. My eldest started primary last year and dc2 starts this September. My Dh works crazy long hours and we were very comfortable on the one salary but being at home was starting to get me down a bit. But it was a massive decision and I took the job. Full time but great salary and interesting job. My advice is to try it out if it doesn't work out its no big deal. A year on I am so happy I gave it a go but working full time with s Dh who works long hours is very tough. I would love three days but nothing in my area available part time. Best of luck with whatever choice you make. In life we make the choice, to take the chance, to make the change.

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