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So lonely and cluless about this marriage I am in

(4 Posts)
mlpony Mon 19-Jun-17 17:30:08

Hi I am new to mumsnet. I decided to joint the group as I have been following how supportive the moms are to each other. So apologies if I go on rattling, as I am feeling so lonely and need to get these out.
I am at a point in my life, staring at the phone contact and not knowing who to call for a chat.
Recently I have been falling out with my husband the last person in my life whom I thought I'll not talk to over a week now. Today is he's big day and I have excluded myself from celebrating (I usually plan it big). It's all because of the argument which led us not to talk for so long. Saying that I have organized with he's best mate to Theo a party for he's guy friends next week and I haven't cancelled on that plans.
I am really feeling down because, life has not been great for me from my childhood. I lost my dad early and with that I started to grow up to be a very strong minded, ambitious and determined person. I had been having some interesting and rewarding jobs and have earned well. All the money I earned were unaccounted by mother who was managing my finances very poorly. So because of that there came a time I suffered financially but never gave up on life. This is the time I met my hubby who fell head over heels in love with me and we are now married for 11yrs.
During this time so many things happened; financially we have gone broke, let down by my side of family which then made me to stop talking to nearly everyone in my family. at one stage I went on not speaking to my mother and sister blaming them for letting me down. We now have overcome lots of our issues and have got settled into good state financially and have 2 DDs.
One thing that i always made sure is decided to support my husband and gave up my career and further education, became a SAHM and always been there. While, he's a good man generally, he has a few traits which has kind of made me to lose my family contacts. He's not a people's person.... and is very sensitive. Sometimes he makes issues look so big deal with other ppl that I get mad and get involved to make it worse.
He's sulking has spoilt many of our special days and holidays. Just like today , he's Birthday. So I have decided to stand up and put things in order.
He never apologizes on he's own and doesn't know how to make me feel special.
Now my problem is i am so fed up and want to leave (if not for the girls). I don't have money of my own, or friends or families who may understand my state of mind and help me out (not financially), and I am afraid to live on my own. I feel as if I am going into depression as I haven't had any adult conversations lately. Which makes me feel so lonely and tearful all the time. I am resenting why I am still living 😭
What am I doing wrong ?

AuntieStella Mon 19-Jun-17 19:30:44

You've posted in 'back to work' which I'm guessing may be a Freudian slip.

You sound isolated, at a low ebb and possibly depressed. You have become completely dependent on DH, to an extent that is bad for you.

Going back to work would give you contact with adults, a sense of competency (something you have had, but seem to have lost) and an of course an income stream.

Something which might be very handy, because you might find idc that you don't actually want to live with a sulky, sensitive, difficult person. And if that's the case, you need optionsin case he is less interested than you in making a family happy enough for everyone.

mlpony Mon 19-Jun-17 23:59:22

Oh I didn't realize I've posted on the wrong link.
Thanks for your thoughts. Yes I miss going to work and having proper adult conversations. More than anything I am tired of putting up with people and finally want to be able to do something for my sake.

newnoo Tue 20-Jun-17 09:49:38

Try posting this post in Relationships - - a lot of MNers I'm sure will help you.

This section is Back To Work - where MNers come for help to find jobs, confidence etc to get back to work.

However, yes I agree with above poster that getting back to work would even the balance between you and your DH.

You need adult conversation and fulfilment for yourself, not just for your family and children.

If you've been at home for a long time is very hard to break the cycle of being at home - but it's well worth it.

Could you start to look for a part-time job and nurseries for the children?

Once you're back at work, your confidence will increase and you'll treat your husband very differently (not stand for any of his nonsense) and you'll feel differently about yourself too.

Don't give up just yet on your marriage. It just needs pulling back into balance. Try to get the balance back and then reassess.

For now forget about your DH and focus just on you and your needs and what you need to feel good about yourself again. Don't look for him to make you feel special, find things away from his that make you feel good about yourself.

Could you do an evening course? That was my first step to getting back out in the big wide world. I did public speaking. Freaked me out as I hate talking in public but it was the big step I needed to push me out of my comfort zone.

Good luck. xx

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