Calling all full time working mums'

(13 Posts)
zannary Tue 13-Jun-17 23:26:52

I have been working full time since my dd was only 6 months old she is now 2. I have battled with myself whether or not I'm doing the right thing. Dd goes to my mil once a week and nursery 3 days. I work most weekends sad
My partner also works full time mon-fri 9-5. We have a nice house for our dd to grown up in we have nice things but can rarely afford a holiday or many luxuries especially as we're forking out hundreds of pounds a month on nursery fees!
To cut a long story short I'm very unhappy with my situation. We never get to spend any time together, I'm always in tears about working all the time but if we don't work we can't pay our forever growing bills! Before we know it our dd will be going to school and what then? Who takes her to school? Who picks her up? I will never be there for her! So why are playgrounds full of mums collecting their children? What am I missing? Why do these parents not have to work?
I would love to know your situations! May be shed some light or make me feel normal!

OP’s posts: |
friendsornot Wed 14-Jun-17 14:38:30

I did this and recently gave up work. I don't know what to say other than I'm now really bored and want to go back but the gap is causing me a lot of problems as well as probably having to take a pay cut and it's only been a year off, if I went back I would look for part time work instead. Either way you need to consider what you'll do once dc starts school as well, drop offs and picks up can be a lot shorter between times for school bs nursery. Good luck.

AndNowItIsSeven Wed 14-Jun-17 14:41:47

Could you work two or three evening shifts in a call centre or supermarket. Less money but with no childcare costs your income may be similar depending what your dad job is.
You would then have a better quality of life with your dd.

AndNowItIsSeven Wed 14-Jun-17 14:42:16

Day job not dad!

DawnOfTheMombie Wed 14-Jun-17 14:49:01

Why are you assuming they don't work just because they're at the school gates twice a day confused biscuit

I am self employed and work 10-2 Mon-Fri. I am a single parent.

My friend is a nurse and works 10pm till 6am. Her DH works 7am-3pm. She is always at the school gates.

Another Mum works 5pm-9pm as a carer and her DH works 9am-4pm.

Maryann1975 Wed 14-Jun-17 14:52:02

I work full time from home as a childminder. So even though my children are picked up by me, they don't get my full attention until gone 5 when I finish work.
With regards to the school thing, please don't think all children are picked up by their mothers. Our school has a very busy before and after school club, Childminder's are picking up. There is a huge amount of children picked up by grandparents. Some parents are working shifts so do some days not others, some parents have compressed their hours, so do 3 or 4 very long days to get a day or 2 off or do flexi time so can drop or collect. The minority's of children are picked up by their own parents every day of the week. Can your husband start later so can drop off and you negotiate an early finish so can collect from school?
However given your dc is only 2, it's a couple of years till this is an issue, so please try not to worry about it now.

suffolknclose Wed 14-Jun-17 14:55:32

Most people get a balance they're happy with by some sort of compromise. I don't pick up every day but at the same time I wouldn't want to and give up my career and the additional income it gives our family.

EwanWhosearmy Wed 14-Jun-17 15:30:45

I worked FT until DD went to school. That is when it gets really tricky. I had to cut down to 6 hours a day at that point and it's still a struggle to fit everything in.

How do you know that playgrounds are full of mums? At our school we have
- mums doing the same 9.30-2.30 ish working to fit in around the children so able to do both drop off/pick up
- mum drops off/dad picks up or vice versa because they work different shifts
- mum A drops off her children and those of mum B. Mum B picks up both lots.
- lots of grandparents do both pickups
- local childminder picks up and drops off
- local nursery does ASC and comes to collect the children.
- quite a few SAHM
- dads on night shift do pick up and drop off.
- we have a thriving breakfast club so a lot of parents drop and run at 8am.

SpinMill Wed 14-Jun-17 15:41:25

This is how I felt, so we downsized to a smaller, cheaper house, with lower mortgage repayments and bills, and I went part time. Best thing I ever did, i can now be there for most school drop offs and pickups, and spend time with DD.
I realise this wouldn't be an option for everyone, but it worked for us.

OdinsLoveChild Thu 15-Jun-17 16:37:29

For me it was a case of giving up anything that wasn't essential so that I can work ad hoc from home and pick up my children from school.

I haven't had a night out for years, my car is older than my eldest child (who is an adult) we holiday every 3-4 years and live in a cheap house in a crappy area.

All of it is worth it at least we think it is. The extortionate cost of childcare would have bankrupted us if I hadn't left work in any case. We managed to get the children into schools in the neighbouring middle class town and we don't need to worry about school holidays etc. Its very very hard giving up work and I'm finding it very difficult to return to full time employment now due to a huge gap in my cv.

Had I continued working I genuinely don't know what we would have done with the children as we don't have any other care and the school wrap around care starts after my start time at work and closes well before my finish time plus its not available during holidays. I have no idea where people find all these flexible working jobs that every other parent has at the school.

Oshbosh Thu 15-Jun-17 23:52:05

Have 3 LOs 1 DS in school. I cried my eyes out when my flexible working request for part time hours werr turned down buty employer did offer me an altered fulltime working pattern so 2 long days where DH does the drop offs and pick ups and 3 shorter days where I do, and DH works longer hours. I'm hoping it works out.

CatThiefKeith Thu 15-Jun-17 23:58:30

I had every intention of going back to work when Dd was 6 weeks old. I had a career, and was wrongly told I couldn't have children, so when she did come along I couldn't face going back to work and leaving her in childcare.

Dh and I lived on 22k pa in the south east for 2 years. Our rent was £800pm and everything was budgeted for, but I don't regret spending that time with her. I worked weekends from the time she was 2, then 4 days pw when she was 3 (including weekends)

She is now 6, and I work full time, but do flexihours, so pick her up from school but do 2 hours of admin every night to catch up.

BrexitSucks Sat 17-Jun-17 15:20:59

Why do these parents not have to work?

DH & I only ever had mortgage (or rent) that either of us could pay, we never took on a mortgage that needed 2 salaries.

Right now, I work FT & DH does drop-offs/pick ups so might look like a SAHD, but he works inbetween hours. Some of my holiday I take during school hols so DH can still get his work hours in.

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