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What decision would you make?

(20 Posts)
CosmicMonkey Thu 13-Apr-17 18:04:32

Sorry to ask as I am sure this question has been asked a million times here but was wondering if I could get some opinions on my situation - I am one of life’s overthinkers and have spent weeks mulling all this over without making a decision.

I am currently on maternity leave with my second DC and due to return to work in June. While pregnant both DH and myself decided I would not return to work until DD was 3 and able to qualify for free childcare. A few months ago my DM offered to have DD two days a week to allow me to go back part time. Work have verbally confirmed a two day trail will be offered at a meeting later this month.

I cannot decide what to do - the main factors for going back are:

1)Money - I’m well paid for what I do and will not earn the same amount for the same hours elsewhere. My pension will also be maintained.

2)Adult Company - I am pretty self contained but there are days when I would love to speak to another adult about something non-child related. Also getting dressed up would make a nice change.

The main factors for not going back:

1)We don’t need the money, obviously it would be lovely to have but all our bills would be paid on DH’s wage and we could still afford treats and a short holiday once a year for the family.

2)My mum says she will cope but I am a bit unsure. I think she may have underestimated how tiring it can be to look after two (I’m 25 years younger and I am knackered most nights). I don’t want her to get into the situation where she then feels she can’t say this was a mistake.

3)Probably the biggest thing but I hate my job - it’s in a sector were you are telling people stuff they don’t want to hear and who then can get quite angry at you for just doing your job. Also there is a bit of drama in the office between certain people that everyone feels the effects of so not a great environment.

The plan had been for me to have a think and possibly retrain but I have spent the year in a baby cuddle haze and now I’m panicking and having to make a decision. I have been in my job 10 years and have had 3 chances to leave and chickened out so I know if I go back I will just stay there no matter how unhappy it would make me - it’s been my only job since leaving college and I seriously lack in self confidence about my ability to do something else.

Wow, that was long and I am sorry for waffling but wanted to get all info in. So, what would you do if you were me?

OP’s posts: |
Hellmouth Thu 13-Apr-17 18:07:06

I would go back to work.

Can your DM do a few trial days?

StrawberryJelly00 Thu 13-Apr-17 18:09:19

I was going to say go back to work until you said that you hate your job!

Children are only young once, why not enjoy them while you can?
Unless for your own sanity your need those two days at work?

It's hard to really give you advice when I don't know you! smile good luck whatever you choose x

Hellmouth Thu 13-Apr-17 18:10:13

Omg how did I miss point 3.

I wouldn't go back to work!

divafever99 Thu 13-Apr-17 18:13:56

Can you not ask your employer if you can do some KIT (keeping in touch) days? I work part time and was allowed to do 6. Leave dc with dm and see how you get on. You get paid for them too. I would definitely go back, working 3 days with 2 small dc keeps me sane. We could probably manage without me working but I like to remain independent and don't want the worry of what we would do if dh ever lost his job.

Temporaryanonymity Thu 13-Apr-17 18:16:10

Go back to work. Sorry to be the voice of doom but my marriage fell apart unexpectedly and I am very grateful that I maintained my earning potential. I am now the sole provider for me and my children.

Snowkitty Thu 13-Apr-17 18:19:18

In your shoes I'd probably give it a go and see how your DM copes. If you're able to, maybe work days that aren't consecutive to give her a break in between?

Working two days a week will give you a bit of adult space, break from your DC etc, but you won't miss out on a lot of the things you would if your were FT (toddler groups, social life with other mums etc). Also you'll be less caught up in the office drama. And of course a bit extra to spend will benefit all of you.

If you don't give it a go you'll never know, & if it doesn't work out you can always leave knowing you're making a more informed decision.

CassandraAusten Thu 13-Apr-17 18:25:01

I think I'd go back if I were you. If you had a plan for something else to do that you thought you would love, then my answer would be different, but 'have a think and possibly retrain' is too vague. Working two days a week sounds like a great balance, and it's hard to come by part time jobs if you're starting afresh sometime in the future.

CosmicMonkey Thu 13-Apr-17 18:27:13

Thanks for the replies.

I know work want me back earlier due to people leaving so they would most certainly agree to the KIT days. When I mentioned it to DM on the basis it would be a trail for both of us to see how we got on, she said she was willing to do the childcare but didn’t want to have to start sooner than necessary. This is what got me thinking that she may regret her offer - she won’t admit it though so I don’t feel I can have an honest conversation about that side of things.

I know everyone will say the same but I am as certain as I can be that my marriage will last - I don’t want to base the decision on “what ifs”. I am not saying I will not work again, the plan is to either go back to something similar when DD is 3 or actually retrain over these next two years while I would be a SAHM.

OP’s posts: |
Ikeameatballs Thu 13-Apr-17 18:30:23

Go back.

You have the option of part-time which is great. Your future earning potential could be very important if your family circumstances changed and pension contributions are v important.

I also suspect that if you don't return you are actually more likely to drift at home and find it harder to return to the workplace when you want to.

I would go back to your current job until dd qualifies for the 30 hours and then use that as a potential time to develop your career and retrain if needed, with perhaps a better idea of what you want to do.

bluebelltippytoes Thu 13-Apr-17 18:31:19

For two days a week, I would suck it up. It is very hard to find jobs with those hours that are decently paid. Most are minimum wage.

I think if you don't the foggiest idea what you want to retrain in, you will just drift and months will turn into years. You will then find you are out of the loop and unable to even get back to your current job.

You may find the office politics/difficult customers are easier to tolerate with just two days. I'd give it a go and see how you feel. You can always give up!

TalkingofMichaelAngel0 Thu 13-Apr-17 18:33:05

Would it be easy for you to get a job in three years time?

CosmicMonkey Thu 13-Apr-17 18:34:51

CassandraAusten - I was thinking that I would retain as a personal trainer with the view to being self employed when qualified to fit round the kids. My focus would have been to train women who had had children that want a way to loose any weight with a routine that would fit round family life.

I had a PT myself but stopped using him as he just didn’t seem willing to accept with a family I couldn’t train like his younger clients with less commitments. In general I find the fitness industry approach is not very compatible with family life so my focus was going to be to help women achieve their goal but with a more realistic approach to training and dieting.

OP’s posts: |
CosmicMonkey Thu 13-Apr-17 18:40:08

Thank you - I know deep down the posters saying to return and at least give it a trail are probably right.

I don’t think I would be easily be able to re-enter as legislation changes every few years. In fact going back now means I am having to relearn the job on my return due to such changes. My pay is over the odds for my job and skill set, I got it because people left and the company was desperate to keep experienced staff so I know I am lucky with what I earn.

OP’s posts: |
Gazelda Thu 13-Apr-17 18:45:12

I'd go back. And maybe use the salary to invest in retraining when the time suits you. If your DM struggles DC, would you consider formal childcare?
Gong back to work keeps your options open.

CosmicMonkey Thu 13-Apr-17 18:50:05

DD has a place reserved at pre-school starting Sep 19 - felt odd having to reserve place before she is even 1 but wanted to make sure it was the one attached to DS's school.

OP’s posts: |
MrsPringles Thu 13-Apr-17 19:04:16

Don't go back. I work 3 days a week whilst my 2yr old is at nursery. I would cut my arm off to be at home with him but financially, I have to work.

They're only little once, don't miss out on it unless you have too

Girlsworld92 Thu 13-Apr-17 20:37:20

I'd go back. 2 days a week isn't much. I was in a similar situation, didn't like my industry but well paid & an easy option & fitted our family. I went back pt but got made redundant 9 months in which I thought might happen. It was fine but also a little weird leaving after so many years.
I'm retraining but been lucky that I've not been under pressure to return to a job I hate.
could you consider retraining whilst doing your current job?

Girlsworld92 Thu 13-Apr-17 20:39:00

Plus nothing is forever. If you go back and it doesn't work out you can leave and make a new plan. Good luck.

JustMyLuckUnfortunately Tue 18-Apr-17 09:42:21

Go back to work, it's the best thing for all of you LT. I returned FT & although I miss the time I had with DS on mat leave it's nice being back at work again too! Though the highlight f my day is getting home & his excited face to see me smile

Look into childcare, as you are concerned about DM, even if the trial goes well it may be too much for her.

If your dream is to retrain as a PT go for it, look into costs and how you can qualify/ what childcare you'll need to qualify.

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