Really struggling

[VictorP]

Evening

I went back to work about 2 months ago after having DD (she's now 13 months). My employer was very accommodating with my request to go part time, giving me the days & hours I wanted. I had to take a demotion but I was ok with that. BUT. Even though on the face of it I should be finding things easy - they gave me everything I asked for after all - I am really struggling. I feel like everything I touch at work turns to crap, which is even worse as this job should be easy compared to what I was doing before. I feel like I'm pissing off my team as they have to cover me on the days I'm not in, which I feel like they are starting to get resentful about, even though the management signed off my days/hours. I'm the only person who's ever come back to work here after mat leave and I'm the only person working part time, plus only 2 other people in the whole company have kids (older, so not in the same boat as me). One person said to me 'I don't have kids but I have a dog so I know what it's like'!!! Feel totally isolated in that no-one understands, just expects me to be the same person I was before. I definitely over-committed to work before DD, obviously I can't do that now but (am made to) feel like I'm letting colleagues down now if I 'just' work my hours. Have been doing unpaid overtime at night to try to minimise what the team has to cover in my absence. I am absolutely exhausted, feel so guilty that I'm tired on the days I have with DD, feel guilty I'm doing a crap job at work and being a burden on the team, and guilty that I'm only bringing in a pittance money wise 'only' doing part time. Feel like I have literally nothing left to give, but am not doing a good job at anything in my life! Please tell me this will get easier, or help me get some perspective, I am going crazy!!

[angstybaby]

first of all, stop feeling guilty! people have kids. end of. even some people you work with. when you say that only 2 other people there have kids, do you mean women or men? men also have children; we just pretend that they don't. it's a disservice to everyone.

second, stop doing unpaid work.

third, don't feel like you're a burden on your colleagues. it isn't your fault. it's the way the company and the economy is set up. when i went on mat leave (3 times) my employer didn't hire someone to replace me, they just expected the others to cover my workload. that wasn't my fault, that was my employer's. and my colleagues knew that and never blamed me.

fourth, yes it gets easier. DD will be at school soonish - sep 2019, i think ( i have a 15 month old)

fifth, it's not just you. i work and have 3 kids. i feel guilty a lot, feeling that i'm a bad mother and a bad employee. but then i realise that my DH, who also works and has 3 kids (funny that) and doesn't ever feel guilty.

you're doing an awesome job and will be a great role model for your DD. not taking on other people's crap (by which i mean their ideas about your life) will make your life easier. let the guilt go!