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Dads who choose to give up work to care for a baby

(12 Posts)
ExceptInExtremis Tue 18-Oct-16 10:39:16

Genuine question. I have heard of (and indeed know personally) women with great careers who decide once they have a baby that they don't want to continue with their career. Often the decision comes during maternity leave, sometimes even during pregnancy. They step off the career ladder because they genuinely want o be at home and be the primary carer (versus it was not worth their while financially to return to work or they hated work anyway or the stress was too much or anyone of the other reasons...) and that's fine. I mean women who positively decide they want to be the baby's primary carer even if they plan to return to work later.

My question: does anyone know of a man who has made this kind of decision, to pause work in order to be the primary carer of a baby just because that's really what he wanted to do (and again, not because he was made redundant or hated work or was out of work at the time or financially it made more sense for the mother to work etc.)

Just curious.

ByeByeLilSebastian Tue 18-Oct-16 10:41:01

No I've never met one in real life.

ExceptInExtremis Tue 18-Oct-16 10:49:07

Me neither.

xxxbingbunnyxxx Tue 18-Oct-16 10:49:32

Umm, yes! Dp is way more a baby person than me so we decided I would work and he would be the stay at home dad. Now that ds is a toddler I have more flexible working hours (and I much prefer toddlers) ds has gone back to work part time. Worked perfectly for us

SheldonsSpot Tue 18-Oct-16 10:50:12

No, I only know dads that have given up work because it makes sense financially for the woman to return to work and he stays at home.

ExceptInExtremis Tue 18-Oct-16 10:50:35

Xxx thanks! Sounds like it was great for your family.

ExceptInExtremis Tue 18-Oct-16 10:54:51


Me too. I know of a SAHD whose career was really struggling whilst his wife's was soaring. He stopped work when her maternity leave ended but it is not a great arrangement TBH for their family and I think they have never got the balance quite right. My friend (the mum) still feels she has to do loads of what would be traditionally the SAHM's tasks because her DH does not step up. It was not a positive decision for him and I think he resents it.

On the other hand, my DH is a SAHD now, but our DC are not babies. He decided he wanted to spend more time with them as he felt he was missing their childhood. Resigned from his job when they were 5 and 7 and we have never looked back. But I am intrigued how many dads take this step right from the newborn baby years

WestLondonDeep Thu 20-Oct-16 13:51:22

That would be me. Six years ago both of us were in work, I was paid more, we both worked 3/4 days pw, first child did nursery one or two days. Then second child arrived. At the end of mat leave, elder child was to start reception which is less flexible than nursery. We did not want to outsource the whole of bringing up the children, so at the end of her mat leave, we had to decide. She resumed her career and went full time. I "paused" my career.

Looking after baby/toddler was no problem.

Now both of them are at school it's a bit dull. Younger is in Year 2 now, so might try to return. I can see it's not going to be easy!

Aki23 Thu 20-Oct-16 16:07:41

My husband is the SATD. I have always been the breadwinner although we are both well paid professionals and we made the decision years ago before marriage. I always wanted to work and he wanted to raise children. Perfect man for me! Our ds is 15 weeks old and Ive been back to work FT since he was 8 weeks. Never looked back. He will go back to work PT in Feb and ds will go to nursery 1 day a week. Its works for us although I can see that it wouldn't work for everyone

Aki23 Thu 20-Oct-16 16:10:11

It helps that DH has a professional job where he keeps in touch (his team actually phone his every few days) and he has 20 days of fully paid keep in touch days which are spread out till he goes back. He has a supervisory role so this is manageable

LaPharisienne Thu 20-Oct-16 16:11:10

Great thread. Following with interest!

FruitCider Thu 20-Oct-16 16:12:18

Yes, I took 16 weeks off (as I got enhanced pay for that period and he didn't DP then became a SAHD and received additional SPP and quit his job at the end of SPL. It worked very well for us!

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