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Worried about going back to work

(26 Posts)
Fevs Mon 17-Oct-16 09:11:37

I start my new job 2 weeks today after being lucky enough to have 16months off with my daughter.
I have had to return full time (although I wanted a part time role ideally) as I have retrained and am starting a new career in a new industry.
After a week of having a cold my daughter was up until 2am coughing and crying last night and it has made me feel really anxious and worried about starting my job.
I know everyone does it! But I'm really worried about not doing a good enough job if I've been up the previous night with my daughter and had no sleep.
Or her going to nursery if she's not feeling too good.
Or me not having enough motivation if I'm exhausted or missing her.

I'm hoping once I start the worries will subside a bit but I would really appreciate any help or advice on how working mums manage it, especially the doing a good job if you've had no sleep the night before.

Thanks so much!

Fevs Sun 30-Oct-16 21:19:10

Hi all,

I am a little bit disappointed with getting no replies to this 😔
I start my new job tomorrow and although my daughter is feeling better now I am still feeling really anxious about starting a new job and being able to do well plus be a good mum.
I'm also dreading working full time after so long off and worried about how much I'm going to miss her.
Any help or advice would be really appreciated.
Thanks so much

Clankboing Sun 30-Oct-16 21:26:23

Arrive and leave on time. Share your thoughts with others who have children, as they will remember feeling similar. Concentrate on your work and the day will whizz by. You manage because you have to. Remember that you are being a good role model to your child, showing that we work for a living and you are providing food and home for baby too. Xx

mellowyellow1 Sun 30-Oct-16 21:33:20

You will miss her no doubt, but you will soon fall into a routine and it will get easier as the weeks go on. Be thankful that you have had so much time off with her, I am due to go back soon when DD is 9 months, not looking forward to it either and jealous of OH who is to stay at home with her!

Rachelly123 Sun 30-Oct-16 21:39:41

Hi op. I went back full time when dd was 4 months - 3 years ago now. It was very hard. I would leave home at 6:45 am and get home at 6:45 pm!. I also became a single mom around the same time making it even harder. I am now lucky to have a 9-5 job which gives me more time with her.

Yes you will have days when you are tired etc - energy drinks were my only answer- sorry!

On a positive note I will say that going back to work was the best thing for me. As rewarding as it is being with your child all day it is hard work . I find that the time i do spend with her. 2 ish hours of an evening and all day Sunday's is spent wisely and is very precious. I find I don't loose my patience with her either as i am excited to get home and see her and just want to make up for being away from her all day.

Alexthekid Sun 30-Oct-16 21:46:18

For me, the thought of going back was much worse than actually being back. You just fall back into it and things adjust accordingly.

The time you get to spend with dc becomes much more appreciated - that's one positive side of it.

Good luck for tomorrow

blondebuddha Sun 30-Oct-16 22:12:33

Hope it all goes well for you tomorrow OP. I've been back at work over a year now since DD and I still find it hard sometimes.

It's gets better. I think the anxiety beforehand is much worse than actually doing it.

Best thing about going to work is coming home to a child who is so happy to see you.

Let us know how you get on! Good luck smile

Note3 Sun 30-Oct-16 22:19:10

Hope you get on ok. Going back for me was definitely worse than actually being back. Once there I was sufficiently occupied and coped by not overly thinking about my DC during work time so as to ease the feelings of guilt.

Hopefully you can move to a part time role in time if you wish.

Fevs Sun 30-Oct-16 22:28:01

Thank you all so much. Your comments have immediately made me feel better. Knowing other mums have been through the same and how you coped is really reassuring and helpful.
I 100% know how lucky I've been to have so much time off with her and I think in a way it makes even harder as it's from one extreme to another!
Because it's a brand new job and role in a new industry is also adding to the worry but I am hoping that once I've actually started I will relax a bit!
Thank you x

Note3 Wed 02-Nov-16 19:04:33

Hope your return to work has gone well smile

Fevs Fri 04-Nov-16 06:58:17

Hi @note3
Ah thanks so much for thinking of me!
Well.... the job in itself is so far going well. Although I am absolutely shattered! As expected ha ha
I think after 3 months I might try to ask about working 4 days in office and 1 from home - has anyone applied for flexible working before? Would love some advice on that too but perhaps that's for another conversation!
I'm just a little concerned about her nursery but I'm sure that's because it's all new and I need to get used it.
but definitely glad that the first week is nearly over! X

Note3 Fri 04-Nov-16 09:38:48

Oh that's good. I remember how much of a wreck I was inside when I was due to go back after my first and how it turned out to be better than I envisaged. Was hoping you'd found the same!

At my work they write it into the contract that you must return for at least 3 mths else you have to repay the extra wages they gave over maternity leave. I suspect this is because once mums are back they adjust into working again whereas if they could leave without consequence I think many would!!

I got flexible working several years ago. It's changed since i applied (i had to explain how my request would not impact upon the business) now the employer has to explain their reasons if they decline. You can only submit one request per yr so make sure you research your points before submitting.

Note3 Fri 04-Nov-16 09:41:25

Oh and my employer will not let you work from home if you have a child there. Occasionally managers have authorised it when a child has been ill but not all managers would and the policy clearly states it's not permitted. If you request to work from home check into their policy for this and then think of ways around it such as could you do elements of your job in the evening or at a weekend if your partner can look after your child then?

Fevs Fri 04-Nov-16 23:39:25

That's really helpful thank you.... well this is a brand new company and role since having my 1st so luckily no maternity to owe!
I'm confident I'll want to stay past 3 months but had initially been looking for part time work so in an ideal world would much rather do 4 days than 5 but it may be tricky to get approved.
Ironically my role is HR and I've been brought in to implement the new division so in any other circumstance they would come to me! But I will definitely do my research and come prepared.... worse case scenario they do say no but you have to ask I suppose.... shouldn't be this hard to work suitable hours when you have a baby.
Now the work anxiety has passed I'm more worried about my daughter as she still has her cough a month on and if anything it seems to be getting worse.... 😩
Thanks for your help and advice x

Munstermonchgirl Sat 05-Nov-16 08:02:01

It sounds as though you're getting back into the swing now, and you're probably realising the though of returning was worse than the reality. I suspect you're also right that the longer you have off, the harder it is to adjust back. I had just 12 weeks ML with my dc1 and although it was physically hard work still do early bf before dropping her at a childminder, at least I didn't really feel like I'd ever left work- it was more like a longish holiday whereas a year or more off and I suspect you fall into a totally different routine

Like others, despite it being hard work, I Always say becoming a parent was my best decision ever, and keeping my job was the second best

Note3 Sat 05-Nov-16 19:56:50

Perhaps ring out of hours tomorrow morning and see if you can get her checked over the weekend? If my DD was ill on a work day my stress levels were very high when I was full time as the weekend feels such a long way away and our emergency childcare is minimal...added to worry about DD actually being ill

Fevs Sun 06-Nov-16 22:31:29

That is a positive way to think @munstermonchgirl and I definitely need to view it like that. Going back so soon must have been tough at first so I salute for that for sure!
Thanks @Note3 - I know! I felt that same Re added stress. Eventually we took her to a private doctor yesterday as I was too worried about leaving it until this week and asking for time off in my second week! He prescribed some antibiotics for her as could be a slight chest infection but aside from that she was fine.
It's just this cough! It's not as bad during the day but at night she is up a lot coughing quite a chesty cough, now I think it's the phlegm from her cold irratating the back of her throat. Does anyone know of any successful remedies?! She's had it now for nearly 6 weeks!

paperdoll83 Mon 07-Nov-16 17:23:49

I'm glad I came across this thread, I was looking for advice as I'm going back to work tomorrow after 16 months off with my daughter. I'm only going to be working 3 days a week, but they're long days (9-7), and although I know she'll be well looked after with her grandparents and one day a week at nursery, I'm still really anxious that I'm doing the right thing by her. I appreciate that I am still lucky that I'll have four days a week with her, I'm still a bit of a wreck right now though!

Note3 Mon 07-Nov-16 19:04:04

Fevs - have you got a humidity monitor in her room as of too dry it can cause coughs? A wet flannel on radiator to put a bit of moisture back into air may help? There is an old wives tale that putting vicks on soles of feet then putting socks over when you go to bed helps immensely. Apparently your feet contain a link to all the nerves in your body so this may have something to do with helping the medicine quality travel?? Know of several people in RL who say this helped.

If it's phlegm then putting an extra pillow under her or elevating the mattress a bit (such as rolled blankets under it) can help too

Note3 Mon 07-Nov-16 19:08:40

Paper doll - glad you've found a positive thread for such a difficult time!! When I went back my DD was 8 mths and I worked a 2 hr commute on a full time job so I dropped her at nursery less than an hr after she woke and then got home just in time to kiss her goodnight or sometimes not sad

It was tough but doable so I think 3 days a week will be manageable as just as you're fed up with it all you'll have reached non work day...or at least hopefully that's how it will pan out smile

Organisation is the key - get as much ready the night before as you can so you are less stressed in the morn as there's nothing worse than sending DC off having been grumpy with them. You are setting your little one an excellent example in life and teaching them about going to work so don't feel bad.

All the best for tomorrow smile

BelleGwinn Mon 07-Nov-16 23:31:13

i am really worried about going back to work once my youngest in school as my second youngest is in process of being diagnosed with autism and i would like to make sure im around for him. so im thinking of working from home. What do you all think to this? i found a site called workfromhomemummies.com that has genuine work from home opportunities like Maelle, Grubby hands ect, no surveys or mystery shopper stuff. i think this could be a real possibility. Does anyone make a good living doing this?

Mistletoekids Thu 10-Nov-16 12:43:06

Glad I found this thread

Coming to end of Mat leave and so anxious re going back

Anyone had a complete career change after kids?

From what to what?

I am a hospital Doctor (registrar) and the hours and stress are insane (irregular shifts, as well as every weekday also do on site evenings and nights 12 x a month, on site weekends every 4 weeks, and my on calls are never the same days so a nightmare for childcare) and my pay is comparitevely bad (45k and I've been training for 7 years since I finished medical school and still 4 more until I am consultant. And we are forced to move hospital every year.)

I used to love it but now with the governments attitude to doctors I feel so worthless at work and Thinking anything must be better and more child friendly!

And at least no one dies in other jobs!

Any ideas?sad

Note3 Thu 10-Nov-16 21:47:04

Sounds like your job is stressful but manageable as a child free doc but with a child it would be really tough. I'm sure you must have some excellent transferable skills/qualifications?

Fevs Fri 11-Nov-16 06:31:04

I must say that as the other ladies said and gave advice to me initially! The anxiety about going back is far worse before you've had your first then once you're actually there. It's the end of my second week now and I am really enjoying the job itself but it being full time is quite intense and means that I don't see my daughter in the evenings much and feel slightly worried that we're a bit more distanced! My husband says I'm being paranoid but it is bound to be strange going from every minute of the day to this!
It's good to get back into work though and use your brain properly again! And earn your own money etc. But it's a big adjustment and I think will take some time before it feels 'normal'.
Re the job itself I was a Marketing Director but whilst on maternity decided to change careers and retrained to be work in HR. There were some transferable skills anyway and I had done a little in the past and I am very glad that I made the decision to do it. My previous job was very stressful and long hours (although nothing compared to being a doctor I am sure!!) but I felt like the time was right to make the change and I am glad that I did!
There is a career helpline that you can use if you need any help or advice about your career. I googled it and it came up immediately, I would give that a go. If you can predict your current job will be too stuessful with a baby then it will be!
I am sure you have tons of skills that you can use in another role but prob just need to chat someone experienced to work out what those are!
Re working from home I have read being a virtual PA is a good avenue to explore and believe lots of companies cater for Mum's!

Fevs Fri 11-Nov-16 06:31:58

*Before you've had your first day..

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