Returning to work.

(9 Posts)
kaylouise86 Thu 13-Oct-16 08:47:41

I'm so scared of going back to work and leaving my son in the care of my husband and MIL, I'm not saying they won't do a good job. They're just not me! I have to go back though we need the money although the hours my husbands suggested for me to go back on are ridiculous. Is anybody else in same situation???envy

mrschatty Thu 13-Oct-16 08:58:03

I'm going back to work at the end of the month. I'm leaving my dd who will be nearly 10mo with nursery 2 days a week and mil one day
What days are you going back? I'm doing 24hr over 3 days.
Firstly it's great your in laws can help but if you feel more comfortable with paid help then you really need to look into that
Secondly it's not your husbands choice alone how many hours you go back. You need to think what works for you and baby and family as a whole. What hours do you want to do vs what your husband wants?

kaylouise86 Sun 16-Oct-16 14:39:40

I'm same going back on 24hrs over 3 days. It's been partly discussed and it's best thing so far me and my husband have come up with but if I'm honest I'm not happy about it. I don't go back til end of march next year but I worry about it every day. It'll be between my husband and MIL who will look after him but my husbands desperate for the baby and dog to be like brothers so he does stupid things like letting dog lick baby's hands or putting his bumbo seat with baby in it on settee angry and my mother in laws 70 so I worry how she'll cope with him. It's just upsetting. Thanks for messaging back anyway. I'm new to this so thought I'd get a notification if someone had replied but no confused

mrschatty Sun 16-Oct-16 15:40:11

That's OK love it's a bit of a flaw in the system really that you don't get notified you need to check you "I'm on" section and look for replies.

Would you say the biggest issue is the hours your working eg 24hr over 3 days or the fact that your unhappy with the childcare.
If I'm honest for me 24 hours is great. I'm there long enough in a day-8 hours shift- to be a active team member and pull my weight but 2 days a week and weekends I'm home I feel it's a perfect balance BUT I only have a 30min commute in my car so that is very easy for me.
Do you have a long commute which is adding to the hours you will be out the house. Why do you feel that 24hr is ridiculous I honestly thought you were going to say 36hr or something??

Cards on the table would you feel like this if you had childcare you trusted?

kaylouise86 Sun 16-Oct-16 16:09:49

My husband caters to his mum. I have many issues. I think if she's looking after him it should be in the place he lives, although we could be renting soon before we can move into our new build around next September (also adding to the panic) to me it's too much for everybody having to cart him and his belongings round to hers twice a week, it'd be like car seat too which is a pain. She's also got a vicious dog that has to be muzzled. She's a lot older, will she cope? I have to trust that she'll fetch him home on time. Will she look after him the way I look after him? I'll be more worried when he's more mobile aswell. Will she be able to watch him all the time. The shifts I'll be doing will be 6-2. No alternative so it means if I have to do those shifts because I'll have me, a baby and a dog to get ready before I leave I'm going to be up at like half 3am! I'm going to be exhausted by time I get home then husband will expect me to tidy up/make tea/ look after a baby. My husband worries me aswell, he's too relaxed and he's a heavy sleeper, will he hear him if he cries, he's got no patience, will he get angry with him if he's having a big tantrum. I've thought up every scenario in my head going. It's a lot of what ifs. I've told my husband though. No 2nd baby until we've 1. Got a house (which we're working on now) and 2. I'm not going back to work afterwards...his mother no way is looking after a baby/toddler and doing school runs and she'll be nearly 74 at that point in the future! What do you think, do you think I'm over reacting???

mrschatty Sun 16-Oct-16 16:19:18

I don't think your over reacting in some areas because I wouldn't be happy with my dc near a dog that needs muzzled or a dh who looses his patience.
What will dh be doing when your getting up at 3.30? If he's having baby some days then you shouldn't have to worry those days

You do need a better plan in place you can't be getting up at 3am that's ridiculous. Could dh not do the childcare in the morning and then drop dc off at paid childcare and you collect when you finish at 2? I think that's the only way you will get piece of mind that baby is in a safe environment being cared for by professionals.
I understand your concerns and they are completely valid. Your actual hours of work are problematic a 6am start is very difficult when you have a dc to get sorted.

I know paid childcare is expensive. But I can't see any other way that this solution will be resolved unless you become a sahm

mrschatty Sun 16-Oct-16 16:20:58

Also why does dh expect YOU TO be doing all housework??? And all making teas???

kaylouise86 Sun 16-Oct-16 17:31:59

There's a childcare facility literally down the street and I mentioned it to my husband but he sort of shrugged it off...I think he wouldn't want to upset his mother whose keen on the idea of looking after him. My husband would only have him the one day a week and with his job & I bet it won't be long either before he can't do that and his mother will have him the full 3 days. My husband doesn't help on a morning, he has trouble getting himself ready! What made it even worse is it's been brought up 3x now, me working 38hrs 5 days a week, which I thought was his mums idea (and I'll go mad if I ever find out it is) as it was brought up each time he'd spoken to her and his dad. I sometimes think that he reckons I'm an idiot but I'm really not! Lol. I ain't going back on 38hrs. He's lucky I'm doing 24...I'll see how child care with them works out but if either of them mess up just once! I'm either handing my notice in or he's going into professional care and I don't give a toss how much it costs!

123fushia Mon 17-Oct-16 12:16:41

What a stressful situation for you. I would advise that you think about what you want to do and what you want for your child. It sounds as though you are being sucked into an unworkable scenario because your husband and MIL have decided what will work. What do you want? I went back to work for 2 days when my DD was 8 months old and paid for 2 days childcare in a lovely, small local nursery. Can you organise your hours so that you can rely less on family, and more on professional child care? I would always suggest family care is best and obviously much cheaper but in your situation you can't rely on it and your gut feeling is telling you that you aren't happy with that arrangement. So, be strong, decide what you want for your child and yourself and pleasantly let the others know what you have decided.

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