Help, Manager refused my extended leave. What next?

[Babyhayden]

Seriously need help and advice here. I have no clue about what my rights are, please advise. My baby is 5 months old now, I'm working for nhs. My baby is crying all the time, I mean all the time. Not sure if he's suffering from colic or purple period of crying...the point is no nanny can tolerate him! Even I as a mother and my mum can't stand his crying.....

Anyway I asked my manager if I can take unpaid leave after my maternity leave, even a few more months is better than nothing. However the response I got was its busy in department and some staff leave others on mat leave... So basically answer is No, I'm not allowed.

So what are my options then? If I really want more time off? Is it a must I need to return after my mat leave?

[hurtyboobs]

Can you clarify - you've already asked to extend your leave after just 5 months? You don't have to go back for another 7 months.

[Babyhayden]

Hi I'm due to return in November

[Babyhayden]

To be honest even if I try to fight for it, I feel that I might be discriminated at work after my return. Just making my life more harder. Certainly if ppl do treat me differentlyy I can speak to HR but I doubt anything can be done. In my last place some staff were not equally treated and nothing was done about it because HR staff and the department manager were good friends. They have drinks together from time to time....

[twinsister]

Hi, you are entitled to 52 weeks maternity leave. Maternity pay is different thought. When did you start maternity leave?

[Babyhayden]

I asked for unpaid leave after maternity ends as my baby is getting increasingly difficult. I thought he would be better at this age but he's just bad. I use to feed him to sleep but now it doesn't work as he's older now.. I don't know about other ppl but my baby doesn't know how to settle to sleep himself. I've tried everything and even advice from HV. Nothing works. I've tried crying out method and he wouldn't stop crying until he chocks and vomit. He needs to be put to sleep physically by holding and cuddling him, and that takes 1-1/2 hour! Because he's also fighting sleep. I'm sleep deprived myself and I'm really fed up. I don't think any nannies out there can stand him and I don't want him to be beatened because I know he is very difficult. I'm just hoping everyday that he will get better but this is not happening. That's why I asked for unpaid leave and it's been refused due to lack of staff in the department. Really don't know what to do.

[twinsister]

just checking I've understood correctly. You went on maternity leave last November, had the baby in Februaryish, due to go back November this year and you're feeling like it will be too soon so have asked for unpaid leave?

If I am on the right path, one thing I would say is that babies change a huge amount between five months and 10 months. Mine certainly did. Both were terrible sleepers/couldnt self settle until turning a corner around 7 months. I guess I am saying perhaps don't worry too much right now then review things in a couple of months, closer to the date you are due back to work?

Small babies are really hard and I know it can sometimes feel like there is a huge mountain to climb when you think about going back to work. One day at a time

[twinsister]

I should also add that it is important to get him checked out by GP if he is crying constantly. Could be silent reflux giving him a very sore tummy and there is medicine that worked well for DD2 when she had this. Also you could consider cranial osteopathy?

[LadyLapsang]

It's July, you're not due to go back until November. Relax and enjoy your mat leave as much as you can. All children are different and speaking as one who had a child that woke up until school age, to some extent you just have to get on with it once you are back at work. Have nannies actually refused to consider caring for him?

[MovingOnUpMovingOnOut]

I agree with the others about babies and their behaviour. Also nobody is going to beat your baby because he cries. That's illegal.

As regards the leave you are entitled to ask for parental leave at the end of your maternity leave. This is unpaid and must be taken in blocks of a week unless your child is disabled. I'll post a link.

[LilacInn]

It sounds like you could benefit from a professional sleep consultant. Also have you actually left him with anyone else or are you just assuming? Sometimes babies pick up on stress and anxiety and it affects their own behaviour and mood. A calm, experienced care giver might be able to help you.

[MovingOnUpMovingOnOut]

Here: www.gov.uk/parental-leave/overview

Some workplaces have a policy of approving all requests made at the end of maternity leave. That might be worth checking? Also check if there is an occupational enhancement available.

If eligible you can request up to 4 weeks per year and depending where the years fall you may be able to request two blocks of 4 weeks together giving you an additional 8 weeks leave.

[MovingOnUpMovingOnOut]

Forgot to mention that you will continue to accrue annual leave while you are on leave so you may have a lot of leave to use up. Plus that holiday is paid.