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I dont feel like theres anything I could be good at!

(10 Posts)
hungryhippo90 Sun 26-Jun-16 22:25:59

I hope that this doesnt read as a pity party, but I am hoping that maybe some of you could have some advice that I could really use at the moment. I dont really have any support in real life, so I dont really have anyone that i can turn to.
I think this is all a part of the issue that im currently facing, life has thus far been quite difficult (to say the least!) I grew up in a very dysfunctional and somewhat abusive environment, then I fell pregnant at the age of 16, and my daughters father spent the next five years trying to ruin me. I am now 25 years of age, with no extended family, no real friends and I have some serious confidence issues, many of which I put down to the relationships I had with my DDs Father, and my own family..... im sorry that this is REALLY long, but I dont want to drip feed.

So, I want to be in work. I want to feel like a useful human being who does something, I currently earn no money, have no money, and everything I want or need, I cant afford. It was my Husbands birthday last week, and fathers day. I couldnt buy anything for him, which was heartbreaking, because im really appreciative of the fact that he took my daughter on, and not only provides for me, and the extras that my illnesses mean we incur (i have a personality disorder, anxiety and have depression, all of which seem to be drug resistant) but he pays for everything out of his wages.
So this is not only down to wanting to feel like a worthwhile human being, but I also want to contribute to my own upkeep, because I feel like a scavanger (not that women should feel this way, if their husbands support them, but its the way I feel, and its not like theres not something I always need)

Ive been trying to think of jobs that I would be good at, things that I can do, but it always seems like a bit of a non starter for me.

When my husband and I met, id recently finished an IT apprenticeship, but I was no good, so I decided I wanted to start my own beauty therapy business, when that didnt work out very well, I busied myself with trying to do my husbands paperwork, and laboured for him occasionally. Ive worked in Mcdonalds as a cleaner, I worked in toys r us as a sales associate, I went from this to working for betterware as an area manager, when this didnt work out, I started an avon round. I worked as a pawnbroker for a short time last year, I decided to start dog walking recently, but this also seems like it will not be a good fit for me either.

Im relatively well spoken, adequately educated, I think im a pleasant enough person, im a hard worker, and I always try my best but it never really seems like im adequate enough in any area to get a job.

Ill be completely honest and say, I dont even really care what work i would need to do, I just want to do something.

Has anyone else ever felt this way?... did you find anything that was a good fit?

Im learning to drive, im hoping that I can maybe try courier trype work, see how that fits, but I dont want to feel like a failure if it doesnt work out.

OP’s posts: |
TrollTheRespawnJeremy Sun 26-Jun-16 22:55:39

Maybe go to college, I'm not sure where in the country you are but there's lots of access courses, or social sciences which is a mixed bag of subjects.

It might inspire you into finding a career path and it will certainly broaden your abilities.

jclm Tue 28-Jun-16 14:11:52

I would recommend that you see a careers advisor, and perhaps also try some different types of voluntary work to give you more ideas. I'm in this position and it's taking a while to see where I can go with my career

MrsSpecter Tue 28-Jun-16 14:15:38

I think you've got quite a list there of things that "didnt work out" and the key to finding something that works will be in finding out why all those other things didnt. Can you pinpoint what went wrong in each job?

hungryhippo90 Tue 28-Jun-16 16:39:19

Mrs Specter... not sure if ive quoted or anything correctly!
(also want to ask, are you Mrs Specter because of Harvey by any chance?... if so, Ive got a real soft spot for Louis Litt... even have my morning brew out of a "you just got litt up" mug....if on the off chance, that is not the case, you are probably reading and thinking what the hell?...#suits)

I can pin point pretty much what went wrong in each one....
I didnt fit in with the crowd when I completed my IT apprenticeship, they seemed to think I was the lowest of the low because I was a single teenage mum, who didnt walk around trying to tell everyone how intelligent I was... it left me feeling like there was something fundamentally wrong with me.
When I had my beauty therapy business, I just didnt feel good enough... too fat, too ugly, too dislikeable... within the year my mental health was pretty much shot, i ended up in the situation where I struggled to cope with anything, icluding leaving the house.
I enjoyed doing paperwork and stuff for my husband, but he went employed, and there was my role gone lol.
The manager in Mcdonalds really was awful, she took a real disliking to me, and it hurt me so much. I just couldnt stand being there.
Toys r us was actually my most favourite job. i know it sounds a bit odd, but i really loved it, they took me on as a seasonal worker, but quite quickly they made it clear they intended on keeping me, and it was great, but I had a meltdown on a particularly bad day... i understand that it was my fault, and I shouldnt have reacted to a customer the way that I did, or gone and shouted at someone else after either.... but in my defence it was before I had a diagnosis for a mental illness that didnt help.

when I worked as a pawnbroker I left because I felt severely disliked by my colleagues.

The truth is, most of these reasons are quite possibly because of the personality disorder that I have, my lack of self confidence and anxiety, its kind of why ive tried to be self employed a few times, because it means i dont need to worry about personal interaction,.... id love the dog walking to work out, sounds perfect. its just getting enough work to make sense of the outlays that I make...thank you for your advice. its very helpful, i do go through stages of feeling like I have got it all straightened out.. but i always end up back in this position

OP’s posts: |
hungryhippo90 Tue 28-Jun-16 16:41:19

im sorry you are also in the same position. I think it can be really hard to not really know what kind of position to turn in. I will look into some voluntary work.... I would quite like to do something with people who have addictions or homelessness.

OP’s posts: |
hungryhippo90 Tue 28-Jun-16 16:43:13

I have ummed and ahhed about starting my law degree. i would love to, I just worry that It might go to waste if i dont manage to convince anyone to give me a job after.

OP’s posts: |
PerspicaciaTick Tue 28-Jun-16 16:43:36

I did some free courses (which end up with proper real world qualifications) through vision2learn ^^ - it boosted my confidence that I was capable and gave me some up-to-date stuff to put on my CV.
May be have a look and see if anything appeals?

MrsSpecter Tue 28-Jun-16 16:54:50

are you Mrs Specter because of Harvey by any chance?

Yess!! Fab show. I love gabriel macht. Louis is a fave here too. Next season please!!

Ok so whats coming across is that due to various reasons you are really low in self confidence and dont feel like you are good enough for any of these jobs. To address this have you seen a counsellor or could you do that? I think this is very important step before you throw yourself into another job as those doubts will resurface unless you are addressing them properly and before long that will be another job that doesnt work out.

Wrt the dog walking- what i would do is contact your local business centre and find out about new business support, mentoring programmes etc. My local one is fantastic, they give you a free session with a business advisor and they make up a business plan with you. You will be able to see if your business is viable and also they will be able to advise on what grants (if any!) or business loans you are eligible for. They also email you opportunities, free courses etc that may be useful to you as a new business.

For dog walking, is there a massive initial outlay? I can see you needing insurance, a few dog leads, treats, poo bags and a couple of balls. But i'm also not a dog walker so am just guessing. Get onto some forums and find out exactly how much it will cost to set up before you earn any money back.

Another thing, it sounds like you have a supportive husband- is he supportive of the dog walking? Is he willing to support you in the interim until you are making money (he bloody should be- you'll be bringing money into the family!)

MrsSpecter Tue 28-Jun-16 16:57:00

Btw if you are going for the dog walking and will need grants/business loans, get in sooner rather than later before there is no more EU funding left wink

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