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Really struggling being back at work

(4 Posts)
Eminybob Wed 16-Mar-16 07:25:19

I don't know if I'm posting this in the right place, or what I really want from it but I need to get it out as I don't feel I can really talk about it with anyone.

I've always struggled with anxiety and stress, and I have a job which I hate and can be stressful. Because I suffer with stress anyway, this is amplified by work and I find myself at times falling into a rabbit hole. Insomnia, constant sick to my stomach feeling, just the sensation of not being able to cope and not wanting to go into work. I've been signed off with stress a couple of times, most recently whilst I was pregnant, and I've been on various medication.

Anyway I went on maternity leave for 14 months. Best time of my life. I adored being off, spending all that time with DS, I felt that a weight had been lifted and for the first time since I was a child I felt truly stress free and happy.

Returning to work was a struggle. Not just emotionally, but there were some issues with my boss, she tried to get me to go back earlier than agreed initially. I won't bore you with the details but I had to get the union involved who did back me but left bad feeling on both sides.

I'm now back part time (3 full days) and although it was fine at first, I'm now slowly slipping into that rabbit hole again.

That is added to the fact that I hate leaving DS. He loves nursery so I know it's good for him but I miss him so much. Also being part time means I feel on the outside a lot. I am the only part timer in my team and I miss out on team meetings and the rest of the team have a cameraderie that I can't seem to fit into. We don't work in the same location so I don't see them every day. The people I do work directly with don't do my job and don't have an understanding of the pressures and stress I am under day to day.

I can't step down, become a SAHP or change roles as we can't afford a pay cut (living on the edge as it is financially).
I am not qualified to do anything else and besides, part time jobs are not easy to find.

I'm just so unhappy. I spent all day yesterday on my day off feeling sick about going in to work today. And not even for any specific reason. I just constantly have a feeling of dread.

I'm also constantly tired as I don't sleep due to worrying about work. So that not only effects my job, but also my time at home with DS.
My home life is effected because of this, plus I'm finding I'm drinking more in the evenings, arguing with DP more etc etc.

I just feel like a bag of nerves constantly. I don't know what to do.

I can't talk to DP as he just doesn't understand. He says either look for a new job or suck it up. Which I suppose is all I can do.

I just feel so low.

TomTomKitten Wed 16-Mar-16 08:31:50

What type of job do you do?

Why are you feeling so stressed? Is it workload, deadlines, office politics, etc?

Eminybob Wed 16-Mar-16 14:23:51

It's financial sales

A bit of everything really. Sometimes it's nothing. I am always waiting for the worst to happen, a complaint, a failed compliance check, mystery shop etc. All these are usually unfounded but it's the threat of it hanging over my head all the time that I get stressed about.

TomTomKitten Wed 16-Mar-16 19:43:37

Well, if it's that bad then you really need to look at doing something different. Unless you are a high earner then it's always possible to take a sideways step.

Unfortunately, I think a lot of jobs have their own stresses these days. I'm a PA and that can certainly have it's moments (i.e. boss having a rant, lack of communication, ridiculous deadlines, ridiculous workload, etc.).

I do find that some people worry before something has even happened. My Mum is very good at this. I tend to think if something goes wrong then I will deal with it when it happens. When it does, I sort it out and move on. Shit happens I'm afraid. It's how you frame a problem in your mind. Perhaps you need a bit of help with how you view things?

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