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My dad died and I'm afraid to ask for extra compassionate/bereavement leave

(8 Posts)
AprilDHarvey Sat 23-Jan-16 14:03:06

Hello everyone! Apologies if this isn't the correct thread but as a new user and first time poster I'm still getting used to the site. At the moment I need some advice but I also need a bit of rant as I'm quite pissed off.

On the 17th of December my father passed away at the age of 45. I didn't return to work until the 27th, I would have returned sooner but where I work was closed Christmas Eve/Day and Boxing Day. I returned to work thinking a distraction might be good for me. Since then no one I work with (a small team of five) has really bothered to ask how I'm doing. I think up until now I've been in denial. Over the past week or so it's really started to hit home that my dad is gone forever and I've been on the brink of having an emotional meltdown for days. It's been just over a month since he died, and while I don't feel I'm capable of working I'm afraid to ask for compassionate leave as I feel the company I work with will think I've had enough time to grieve, or think it's a bit late to ask for any extra time off over a month later. A friend of mine suggested I get my GP to sign me off but I'm unsure of how to handle this situation. What would you do?

I'm pissed off because I'm working a 9am - 6pm today with one of my colleagues. At 10am I explained to her my situation, how I'm struggling to cope and feel very fragile/vulnerable. I politely asked her if I could leave a little early. She smirked at me and in a disbelieving tone said, "Today? I was actually going to ask to leave early..." and when I asked why she said she wanted to plan her mums 50th birthday party and get ready for a night out. I was pretty shocked and didn't reply to what she said. She looked really annoyed but agreed to stay then five minutes later claimed she didn't have her keys so she couldn't lock up if I went home. I think this is a load of rubbish, she has her keys but wants to leave early. I'm eating my lunch just now and when I go back she's leaving early. I'm glad to be honest, can't stand to be in her company right now after her being so insensitive.

LBOCS2 Sat 23-Jan-16 14:08:27

Go to your GP. Get signed off. My DSis went back to work too soon after our DM died extremely unexpectedly, and we were both too discombobulated to work out that that was what she needed to do. You need time to process it, and sometimes it does take a while for it to hit you, after the distraction of funeral planning and Christmas.

ggirl Sat 23-Jan-16 14:15:19

you poor thing ...a month is no time at all and your work mate is being completely insensitive
I agree you should book a visit with you GP to discuss how you feel ..you sound like you need some time to get over it ..everyone deals with bereavement in different ways , some need a complete break from normal life and others need to carry on with routine..
Have you contacted Cruse here

AuditAngel Sat 23-Jan-16 14:23:09

Sorry to hear about your dad, he was younger than I am.

I lost my dad a year ago, I had a week off, then returned, but my colleague's were wonderful (apart from being asked to complete sickness forms for my absence confused ) I agree that you should ask to be signed off.

HermioneWeasley Sat 23-Jan-16 14:29:00

Your colleague does sound insensitive, but people have their own lives.

I am so sorry about your father's death, but I'm not sure what being signed off will achieve? How will you fill your time? Sooner or later you need to move to the next stage of grieving. I think you would be better getting some bereavement counselling and getting/staying back in your normal routine.

AprilDHarvey Sat 23-Jan-16 15:10:08

Getting signed off will give me the chance to properly vent my feelings instead of bottling them up and plastering a fake smile on for the sake of work. If I continue like this I fear I'm going to have a breakdown at work because I've not had a chance to grieve for my dad and I already see a therapist for mental health issues I've had for some time.

I'd just like to add the girl in question works 14 hours a week. She has plenty of time to do these things outside of work. She turns up late and asks to leave early almost every shift I work with her. It's actually never bothered me until today, I've always been nice and easy-going with her so I don't see why she couldn't have cut me some slack at a time like this.

JenniferYellowHat1980 Mon 25-Jan-16 16:12:21

I think you would be better getting some bereavement counselling and getting/staying back in your normal routine.

Because you just ask for counselling, it happens at the drop of a hat and straight away you can cope again hmm

I saw my GP last week about my inability to balance my demanding working life with my young DCs and my DM's end-stage cancer. She was utterly compassionate and told me she would sign me off until it's over and I am able to manage.

Clearly no one you work with is going to thank you for braving it and carrying on, so you may as well look after yourself now to avoid a crisis in the future.

ouryve Mon 25-Jan-16 16:21:08

Your colleague sounds like a bit of a self-absorbed twat (have RTFT, obviously).

Do get yourself signed off. Not only have you lost your dad, you've lost him terribly young so of course you need some time to breathe, think and scream, if necessary. OK, so you weren't ready or able to do that immediately after his death but you do need that time, now. No person with an ounce of compassion would dispute that we all grieve differently.

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