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Anyone fancy a thread for mums who work full-time?

(335 Posts)
Oly5 Wed 30-Sep-15 18:00:26

Hello, just wondered if any other mums work full-time and fancy a bit of a thread?
I adore my kids but enjoy working full-time too. I feel it's a massive taboo to say so. This thread is for people who feel like me, who are struggling to make it work, who wish they could work less. Anyone really!

Joneseygirl77 Thu 01-Oct-15 21:01:35

Yep another full time working mummy here too. I'm home based but only spend a couple of days per week at home and the rest is out and about all over the country. It can be tough going at times and very tiring but I like my job and I've worked hard to get where I am now. My DH is also home based so we do a 3 month ahead planner and try and avoid being out on the same day. But we also pick our dc up from nursery at 4ish every day so get 3 hours in the evening with them.
I would like to do 4 days but my company won't grant it so it's full time or a different job and pay cut!

definiteissues Thu 01-Oct-15 21:07:34

I work full time. Single parent.
I had parents evening today. I got told how wonderful my son is, how well behaved, polite and kind.
And I took the praise and I glowed and I felt proud.
But then I felt like a fraud. Because I wonder, just how much of that is down to me?
I work hard to keep a roof over our heads. But I barely see him in the mornings. We get home at bedtime.
I see him weekends and that's pretty much it.

I would never not work. But I wish I didn't have to. I feel like I miss so much.

WorzelsCornyBrows Thu 01-Oct-15 21:14:27

Sometimes I feel like I'm failing as a mum but also as an employee. The guilt is horrendous, but I don't have a choice if I want to live where we live. My DH is wonderful though. He tells me he doesn't feel that guilt (of course he wishes he could spend more time as a family) and neither do most men, and I shouldn't beat myself up over it because I'm a woman. He's right of course, but I think as mothers there is more judgement over us working, particularly from older generations, whereas men are applauded for supporting their family.

DH's aunt once told me women our age don't know how lucky we are having these husbands who help with children and the house when we decide to swan off for work confused

OublietteBravo Thu 01-Oct-15 21:23:29

I've always worked FT. I took 6 months maternity leave for each child - they were in nursery from the age of 5 months.

When the DC were little my salary barely covered the childcare. But I'm in a much better position now having persevered (DD is 11 and DS is 9). These days I earn more than twice what I did when DS was born.

My mother was very unsupportive. Apparently the 'you can do any job you want when you grow up' pep talks I used to get from her came with the unmentioned caveat 'as long as you stop doing so when you have kids'. She's never been able to get her head around the fact that I earn more than DH (and have done for several years).

lindauk5 Thu 01-Oct-15 21:25:11

Me too. I sometimes feel I'm the only Mum who works full time. Everyone I know with kids only work part time and they always give the 'look' when you say you work full time. I love my little girl millions but the guilt is tremendous.

williaminajetfighter Thu 01-Oct-15 21:26:54

Ft mom here too. A thread would be great but I did chuckle a bit as o doubt anyone will have the time to post on it!!

Joneseygirl77 Thu 01-Oct-15 21:49:26

Lindauk yep I know what you mean about the 'look'! I'm the only one out of all my friends who works full time with children. It's been the same with all the mums I've met on maternity leave too. Seems to be the norm not to work ft with children.

pieceofpurplesky Thu 01-Oct-15 21:58:50

Another ft working single mum here. Love my job (teacher(. But it's bloody hard. Exh rarely has ds overnight (about 10 nights last year).

Oly5 Thu 01-Oct-15 23:22:26

This is great, it would be fab to give each other support, even if just sporadically. I think women work full time for a lot of reasons and it seems whatever those reasons are, you just can't win in the views of society sometimes. I work FT because I love my job, it's all I've ever wanted to do and I consider myself lucky to do it. We don't strictly need the money and I barely cover childcare, but I went to uni and did a postgrad and I don't want to give it all up. So I'm sometimes judged for leaving my kids through choice, even though I work from home and see them a lot. My DH also tells me he never feels guilty about working full time and that I should not feel it just because I'm a woman. He's right of course. I find it's other women who judge the most.
One thing I have got good at is making the time with the kids count. We do live things together and I really try not to spend it all catching up on housework. For this reason, we go without other things so we can have a cleaner. I am determined to put the kids first when I'm not working, though sometimes I do fail and end up doing jobs or.. Indeed working.
Hats off to any single parent who is working full time. You are heroes in my eyes.

Oly5 Thu 01-Oct-15 23:26:02

Ps definite, the only issue is how you and your son feel. Of course you can take credit for how wonderful he is! Is he happy, doe she love doing things with you on weekends? Are those bedtimes when you get home a precious time. You are probably a wonderful mother.. And more so cos your time together is limited. There are plenty of parents at home full time with their kids who are lousy parents. Stay at home parent doesn't necessarily always mean good parent.

Liomsa Thu 01-Oct-15 23:33:30

You guys are living in a different world! I'm sorry you feel so anomalous. I don't have a single friend with children who doesn't work full-time, and it has honestly never occurred to me for a single second to feel guilty about it. And I would work whether or not I needed the money. I do see the SAHM/WOHM thing on here, but I have never encountered it in RL, probably because I have very little social contact with SAHMs, and my son is dropped at his pre-school by his childminder.

Oly5 Thu 01-Oct-15 23:38:38

That's really interesting! Where I live there are a lot of women who stay home or work part time. I'm definitely in the minority working FT. I didn't mean to start this as a debate of working mum versus SAHM, just more of a chat about the issues/how you make it work yourself/if you feel guilty/the reasons for working etc

WorzelsCornyBrows Fri 02-Oct-15 00:20:21

It is very interesting. I only know two other mums who work full time. Most of my friends and acquaintances are sahms or work part time. I don't feel too judged by people my age, although I often feel that few understand why my family time is so sacred to me, it's older generations who have at times been openly hostile to my situation.

Mindysgotswag Fri 02-Oct-15 00:26:02

Glad I spotted this thread!smile

I will be starting back full time in a week after working 1-2 days full time.

I feel guilty for wanting to go back full time but before I had ds I worked full time all my life. Really looking forward to being useful again and getting back into the swing of things!

CerseiLannistersEyebrow Fri 02-Oct-15 00:27:17

Going back on Monday and dreading it. DS is 7 months.

BackInTheRealWorld Fri 02-Oct-15 00:33:11

I'm struggling a bit at the moment I must admit. Single mum, dad no contact, no family local, working full time plus doing a heavy course. House works gone to shit and I'm too knackered to do much else. I just feel if I can get through this year and this course then I will have so much more opportunities for my little family...I just hope they can get through this year with me only being half there - it will hopefullly be worth it in the long run.

Mindysgotswag Fri 02-Oct-15 00:35:54

It'll be a wrench, Cersei. Heartbreaking.

My ds has started school and now I have the time to dedicate to a full-time job. The past few years have been great, spending loads of time with him...but I feel ready. For my own sanity.

Don't think that I could've done it after 7 months though...

LowerBackPain Fri 02-Oct-15 00:38:30

Hello! Can I join? I work FT and my husband works abroad and comes home every 3-4 weeks for a few days. It is temporary but have been doing it for several months now. I am always juggling and, I am embarrassed to say this, but I feel guilty for leaving the office early. Before I had kids I used to judge my colleagues who left on the dot of the minimum required hours, and now I am doing the same!

LowerBackPain Fri 02-Oct-15 00:41:30

Cersei, it is hard at the beginning but if you have good childcare it will be fine. I came back when my baby was 4.5 months but was working from home, and went back FT to the office at 9 months. I often have nightmares about me doing something that damages the children, my husband never has these dreams

Mindysgotswag Fri 02-Oct-15 00:42:42

Hi LBP. Same situation here. Previously used to judge those who clocked off early/exactly on the dot but now, it'll be me who'll be doing that! I keep on telling myself that its just "my time" and that colleagues have done this, previously.

CerseiLannistersEyebrow Fri 02-Oct-15 00:46:49

Thank you. The childcare is my DH, which in one way is great (because its his dad) but he is really dreading it now. He quit his job before I gave birth and we were both incredibly naive! How hard it is has hit home, even though our DS is wonderful, cheeky, easy, and fun. We don't really have much support. And we're both aware we're going to be jealous and sometimes resentful of what the other one has and have talked about how we need to be as kind as possible to each other. My commute is shit too (3 hours a day) and will only sometimes make it back for bedtime if I'm lucky. I'm worried how he's going to cope. With childcare, I guess I would only be worried about how DS would cope.

I've loved being at home. More than I ever thought I would. I honestly would stay at home if I could, but I earn better money and like my job.

Want2bSupermum Fri 02-Oct-15 00:59:15

I'm on an 80% schedule which is 40 hrs a week outside of crunch time. During my busy season I work about 60hrs a week.

I've had thoughts to stay home and tried it this summer. After 3 weeks I was ready to go back to work and I am really happy I didn't quit my job.

What is nice about where I work is that they have a shortage of people at my level so are very willing to give me what I want/need. I'm also not shy about demanding it too.

I'm currently pregnant with #3 and will take 6 months off this time. I'm due in April so it's really good timing in terms of career and weather. I will be on full pay so won't feel guilty about keeping the kids in aftercare. My 2 kids are 4 and 2.5.

Lweji Fri 02-Oct-15 01:22:58

Another one always full time, since DS was 4 months old.
ExH was the child care until the divorce, but it was a coincidence as I had arranged a nursery for him.

In most couples I know both work, usually full time too.

I compromise. I don't work extended hours often, I don't travel for work as much or for as long as previously. But I like working.

Mindysgotswag Fri 02-Oct-15 02:34:34

Haha Williamninja. Definite issue there!grin

Trying to get into a routine right now with ds but as you can see...still up and posting!

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