Having it all - ha!!

[Zoe]

Thought I would share this with you - sorry that it will be long but I feel the need to get this off my chest.

6.20am today - after two weeks of tonsilitis and a day of d and v with no time off work, I awoke this morning to remember that I had not prepared ds nursery bag last night, so stumbled out of bed and prepared bottles, nappies etc. Showered, dressed etc by 7 ignoring the fact that ds was clearly awake. Having ignored extremely helpful advice on Mumsnet recently about getting self and baby dressed at last minute was forced to get changed at 7.30am due to regurgitated weetabix and SMA progress nicely decorating black v-neck top. Eventually managed to get ds and self into car and drive to nursery, quelling feelings of guilt at taking him as he has been a bit vomity after a chesty cough although well in himself.

Ds pulls enormous mardy face in car all the way to nursery and is only placated by surprise finding of favourite toy under his car seat by me whilst at traffic lights. Throw myself on the mercy of nursery who (happily) agree to have ds despite weetabix incident earlier. Fight my way through rush hour traffic to get to work by 8.30 (under re-negotiated post-baby hours agreement)

Take some flak about Liverpool score last night, then throw self into pile of paperwork. Send memo to entire team regarding team meeting on Monday - spoon feed them again the dates of future meetings (already issued prevoiusly). Pay bills and bank income. Clear out office for new incoming staff members next week. Perform a staff appraisal. Manage to ring nursery - ds is ok - guilt abated temporarily. Have meeting with Senior Partner. At 12.30 realise have not eaten and sucuumb to bag of chips provided by caring member of team. Help out with some data input, devise new reporting system for important issue and have meeting with key member of team to discuss it. Spend twenty minutes persuading her that the extra work involved will be mine not hers and that we will al benfit from efficiency increase. Take telephone call from dh informing me that he has come home from work sick and gone to bed - will I collect ds. By six pm through Manchester rush hour traffic when am not supposed to finish till 6. Throw self on mercy of employer who agrees. Complete an audit, negotiate a contract and placate an upset member of staff in lightening speed and leave at last possible minute to collect ds. All for 3/5 of pre-baby salary.

Fight through rush hour traffic again, arrive at nursery to find ds crying and has sicked up his tea. Guilt looms once more. Take him home and give him fluids (fear of dehydration at the forefront) and play for half an hour.

Manage to pop head in on dh who looks pathetic, but no time to comfort him as ds is shattered and crying. Bath him and get him ready for bed - give a small bottle and pray for no vomit. Administer anti-biotics and calpol.

Put him to bed. Hurrah! He goes straight to sleep. Give dh drink and paracetamol as he has a temperature of 101 and consider what to do if it does not reduce. Clean and sterilise eight dirty bottles. Stack dishwasher, load tumble dryer and washing machine, check on dh again who is feeling better and hungry, so go and make some pasta (putting bottle of wine in the fridge at the same time)

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Thanks for listening

[pupuce]

Get the bottle out again... women are great aren't they ? Men can't do this !
Well done - have fun tomorrow !

[bossykate]

it's not easy is it? i went back to work ft two months ago - biggest shock to the system since ds actually arrived. am thinking about going pt - to be determined. thank goodness my husband has a flexible job that involves working at home - otherwise our household would cease to function. the other women i work with seem never to have any issues - but i am not close enough to them to really judge. i think a lot depends on the type of childcare you have - ds has been at nursery, while it is fantastic in many respects, he has got every bug going since he started last november, the upshot being that we are now getting less sleep (he is 9m) than when he was 9wks - except now of course we are both working ft. i read on other threads how working mums are fitting in home cooked meals, baking, the gym etc. how?? i recently had to walk out on a high profile meeting i had organised to pick ds up. you're not alone - thanks for sharing!

[SueW]

Zoe, it was interesting to read your message in light of a report I heard on the radio earlier - some smug B saying that a recent report on sick days showed that men, in spite of their reputation for taking to their beds when ill, took fewer sick days than women.

I wonder how many women threw sickies because it was the only way they could get paid time off work when their child was ill?

I hope all in your family are recovered in the morning and that you get some time-out soon

[tigermoth]

Zoe, been there, done that! Is that why I couldn't help but smile inside when I was made redundant? Really stupid reaction, and quite unlike me, because we need my salary. Yes, I am looking for work but boy am I ENJOYING not working for a while. My burned out batteries (7 years of full time work and children) need time to recover. I swear if I was offered a similar full time job tomorrow, my head would tell me to take it but my heart and soul would rebel big time.

Sorry, not very helpful for you. Surviving days (weeks! months! years!)like the one you describe so takes it out of you. You deserve a medal. IME, each person in your day: boss, colleague, partner, child carer, however considerate, sees things from their corner, leaving you to bring it all together.

[fp]

These are all the reasons I am considering not going back to work this time - we can afford for me to be at home if we cut back a bit and reading this makes it look even more desireable!

[sister]

fp, is it not possible for you to return to work part time? I work part time and love the fact that I am at home with my 2 4 days a week but that I also get to stimulate my brain 3 days a week and my 2 go to nursery the days I'm at work where they are taught to be polite and well behaved and get social skills.

[AtkinsR]

Thanks Zoe - you've made me smile as I sit here in my new office (they've made me a Manager but I should be so grateful as I'm only part time!) Actually I am grateful but am suffering bad terminal guilt for not being at home when at work and vice versa.

The thing that saves me is that ds is the second and dd hasn't suffered at all from previous/current maternal guilt. Dh is oblivious to all of this (despite having been told on many occasions) and hasn't suffered at all. He will though, as he's off for a small operation tomorrow to ensure that baby number 3 remains a distant dream!

[sister]

Pamina, yes of course I teach my 2 to behave properly. But at nursery they run a tight ship. The only way they can operate sucessfully with out all hell breaking out is to be quite strict in how the children behave from a very early age and teach them to respect the carers from an early age. For instance they were both coming home saying please, thank you and sorry by the time they were 18 months without being prompted and at all the right times!

[Marina]

Zoe, thanks for sharing that with us so amusingly. I hope everyone in your household is feeling less shattered soon. The last fortnight in our happy home has seen chickenpox, infertility tests and appointments, nasty, stressful situations at both workplaces and large hole appear in "original feature" 30s tiled roof of mortgaged-to-hilt suburban palace.
You are not alone, Zoe.
As children get older at nursery they do get fewer yucky bugs, I can offer that little gem. Thank God it's Friday, yeah!

[ChanelNo5]

Yes Marina, in the words of that song (can't remember who by) Things can only get better! Thinking of you, matey x

[SueW]

Hugs and sympathy all round from here. Hope it gets better.

[tigermoth]

Marina, do hope your weekend is less stressful, despite the chickenpox. Hope your son is on the mend soon. And also the roof.

[Marina]

Thanks for the kind words, all of you. Our chickenpox predicament was eased by our finally biting the bullet and begging mil to help (I have been an enthusiastic contributor to the "miserable mil" thread on more than one occasion). She came up trumps, and so did both our sisters, so it's an ill wind etc, and we were very grateful to them all. Now, which one of them to shove up the ladder to fix that gaping roof...

[bossykate]

marina

sorry to hear you have all been in the wars. hope all goes well with tests, new roofs, chicken pox etc.

best wishes.

[ScummyMummy]

And me. I really hope things are improving for you, Marina and well done for braving the old extended family!

(The roof of my Dad's newly purchased suburban palace has sprung a leak too so if any of your family turn out to have a talent for roofing... )

[CAM]

Dear Marina
Are you trying for another baby? I know you have one child at present - are the infertility tests you refer to for yourself? I too have a hole in my roof, the builders are putting the scaffolding up tomorrow so I'm not looking forward to the "inconvenience".

[Lizzer]

Marina, just read your message, am hoping this new week is better than your last. I spent the week mainly stressing about college and convinced I'm going to fail as the exam dates are looming, arghhhh! Good luck with the tests

[ScummyMummy]

Ahem! Cough cough. Yes, you, Ms Lizzer of Lancaster. Repeat after me:
"I AM NOT GOING TO FAIL! I AM TOO BRIGHT AND HARD WORKING! I DESERVE TO PASS AND I WILL PASS!" And Kia's rather good mantra is relevant too, surely? "I'm a Mum- I can do anything!"

Good luck old bean!

[Marina]

Lizzer, ScummyMummy is right - you CAN do it. You should see some of the dozy specimens loafing about in these premises as I type. And they all have good A levels, apparently. Lancaster University needs you! Lots of luck in the exams.
Thanks to all for kind words. Roof is fixed for low cost, apart from looming prospect of the whole lot sliding off in high winds, jury is still out on my tubes but I am seeing a consultant in a couple of weeks. And ds' scabs are nearly gone...