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Has nursery changed your child?

(8 Posts)
Evita Mon 19-Apr-04 20:41:05

This is a post for a friend of mine to read. She has an 18 month old daughter and has had her first day of settling her into nursery today and is feeling unsure about a few things. Previously my friend's been working part time and her daughter's gone to a child minder and settled in very well. Now she has to work full time and has found a nursery.

What she's worried about is basically how the nursery experience will effect her child who is very sweet natured, quite quiet and used to a lot of caring one-on-one nurturing (she's quite cuddly) to which she responds well. She's worried about how her daughter will change, how much attention she'll get and how many 'bad habits' she'll pick up from the other kids. Sorry if that last bit sounds snooty, she may well give them a bad habit or two, but you know what I mean. The bad habits you know about are always easier to deal with than the ones that take you unawares.

I know a lot of this will be relative to the nursery she's chosen and the kids that go there, but any general advice would be useful. My friend will hopefully read this from work tomorrow and I'm sure would appreciate your thoughts.

GillW Mon 19-Apr-04 20:45:27

Don't forget to think of the positives rather than just focussing on any (potential) negatives - there's a lot to be said for the way they develop independence and self-confidence at a nursery too.

twiglett Mon 19-Apr-04 20:49:27

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Hulababy Mon 19-Apr-04 20:56:35

My DD has been at nursery from 21 weeks. She is now 24 months. She loves nursery and the nurery staff adore her too. We have only had a great experience and I would not have changed my decision at all - one of the best things we decided upon. I couldn't have gone with a childminder - own persoanl decisions and thoughts and fact we had no persoanl recommendations either.

My DD is adorable (I'm biased I know, I'm her mum), sweet natured, loving, cuddly, sociable and chatty, happy, independent, self aware, can share, etc, etc. I could go on. The staff cuddle the children and they have one to one with each as much as they can too - pbviously not as much as in childminders but still some.

I think your friend needs to give it more than just a day to make her judgement though. Give it time and see how both get on.

Evita Mon 19-Apr-04 21:11:02

Sorry, I guess it does seem like jumping the gun after just one day. But your posts are very reassuring, thanks. I didn't mean to focus on the negative things but of course that's what she's worried about. We don't worry about the positive things do we? I know nursery would be wonderful for building social skills, learning interractive things etc. and I think perhaps some of her worries are 'beginner's nerves' if you know what I mean.

bluebear Mon 19-Apr-04 22:00:51

My ds has been at a nursery since he was 8 months (he's now 2yrs 9), and has only changed for the better.
He hasn't developed any 'bad habits' other than using the words 'bogey' and 'belly' which we don't use but I'm not bothered by.
He is certainly cuddled lots if he needs it, and in fact, I used to find it quite strange picking up a little boy who smelt of another woman's perfume.

I started to settle dd (6 months) there today..took her in for 3 hours during which I quietly observed how the staff interacted with the children and they were fab..one baby girl was obviously teething and grizzly, but they checked her temp. and cuddled her continually..other children were all supervised to their needs..given space to explore the toys but watched to direct them if necessary.
The nursery runs on montessori principles so it can seem a little haphazard at first but the children are all happy which is what counts.

What in particular is your friend worried about..is it a bad feeling about her nursery in particular or just nurseries in general.

Marina Tue 20-Apr-04 09:23:56

If she isn't exposed to a range of peer behaviours before she goes to school, Reception could be a major shock for the little girl. Better be aware that some children speak more loudly than others, are more physically assertive, may just be difficult socially, in the nursery setting than later on at school, where the atmosphere is inevitably affected by the presence of older children and the lower adult-child ratios.
A good nursery will be attentive to her needs while starting her on the gradual process of learning how to share adults' attention and how to take turns and share toys, also how to behave appropriately in a group setting.
I hope she settles in really well and that she and her parents are happy with the care provided. She will almost certainly have loads of fun!

Soulfly Tue 20-Apr-04 09:29:21

When my son started nursery, i thought he'd be hell. Cause he wasn't used to being left with anyone really my family don't live near me now that we moved and so he's constantly with me all the time if he's not a nursery. I think its done wonders for him. He speaks really well, he's learning things and he has a few special friends. I don't feel like he's being left out or mixing in a bad lot of children. I don't live in the most wonderful place and the area had a bad reputation. But so far both my daughter and my son are doing well and we have not had too many serious problems. So i hope your friend settles her mind, and perhaps realises that nursery can be a valued experience for her child.

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