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am I nuts or just selfish?

(25 Posts)
m0therofdragons Wed 15-Oct-14 17:51:44

I had a fab career then had dd1. I was made redundant and it worked really well as I then got a job at a school so not great pay but school holidays spent with dd. Then had dtds and childcare was too much so I cut my hours to 12 a week flexi time and we've managed but money is tight.
Now dd1 is in school and dtds get their 15 hours a week nursery places. I went for and got a pt job that pays well and is in line with my previous career. All is good although I won't get school holidays I am okay with that for a job I'll enjoy.
Anyway, when offering me this job the director mentioned a ft role coming up that he'd like me to apply for if ft was something I'd consider. I would never have looked for a ft role but it's an amazing job and I'd earn similar to dh (not sure why that matters and never has before but I actually quite like the idea). I'm trying to work out if I want it or if I'm just hugely flattered. Obviously I may not even get that role.
I've loved being home with dc and am really shocked by how much I think I want to work ft and be person again.
I mentioned it to family members but as they think the pt role is too much (dm was sahm until I was 8 then only worked pt) they don't think I should do ft. No family members apart from brother (and my lovely dh) have said congratulations and clearly they disapprove.
Am I crazy and selfish? Probably sad

m0therofdragons Wed 15-Oct-14 17:52:22

Sorry for the essay. I think I just needed to get it off my chest!

HappyNap Wed 15-Oct-14 18:11:31

Of course you are not being selfish!

If that's what you want to do, go for it! smile

And many congratulations indeed

CharlesRyder Wed 15-Oct-14 18:12:31

Would the full time job mean you and DH earn enough to be able to outsource aspects of life?

If you could have a nanny (so school holidays, child sickness, getting to playdates/ activities was not a problem), cleaner, gardener, dog walker etc then I would say go for it.

DH and I briefly tried to both work full time and do everything else ourselves too and it just didn't work for any of us.

TheBatteriesHaveRunOut Wed 15-Oct-14 18:18:14

You are not crazy or selfish, despite a career break you seem to be being offered 2 great job - CONGRATULATIONS!

Please note the above is a normal response.

Ignore your family (apart from bro) or anyone who is being a killjoy. I think the people entitled to a say are you and your dh and....wait, no, that's it.

How often do the roles like the full time one come up? Is it worth accepting the part time job to see how working again works out, and hoping a full time job will come up in the near future? Just to ease yourself into it, I mean. OTOH is the full time job so great it's worth just going for regardless ?

I think I would make a list of pros and cons and work from there.

m0therofdragons Wed 15-Oct-14 18:29:20

It annoyed me my dm who is usually supportive was so negative. She just kept saying what about childcare etc - er like dh and I forgot our 3 dc!
If I go ft we'd have a cleaner and childcare would be a cm in holidays. I love the idea of an aupair but no spare bedroom for that.

m0therofdragons Wed 15-Oct-14 18:30:59

I would only want ft if they can be flexible. I don't want to miss an assembly dc are in for work but I feel that if they really want me they'd be okay with that.

MrsMargoLeadbetter Wed 15-Oct-14 19:22:09

Congrats on the role and potential role.

Will yt DH be willing and able to share half the childcare drop and collects? If you have to do it all it can be v difficult.

m0therofdragons Wed 15-Oct-14 21:49:14

I'll be starting early so dh will drop off 3 mornings a week on my pt hours (his shifts work well for this and his manager happy for him to work from home one day a week -he's been there 10 years and he's had to take dc to work where they've eaten a pic nic his desk so fairly flexible). If I was ft dh would drop every day and I would collect every day. Dh totally supportive (in theory but hopefully in practice).

Kerberos Thu 23-Oct-14 19:12:05

I don't think you are nuts OR selfish. Sounds like an amazing opportunity and I'm sure you will find a way to make it work. Congratulations!!

TheABC Thu 23-Oct-14 19:17:51

You would be nuts not to go for it (assuming the logistics work for you.) Your children will be fine at nursery and school, you get the kudos and cash of the full-time position and whatever back-up you need at home.

If it were your husband going for a promotion, no one would think twice about it.

LinesThatICouldntChange Thu 23-Oct-14 19:33:20

Not nuts or selfish. Ignore the doom and gloom merchants- anyone who disapproves clearly has their own issues- maybe a tad jealous that you've managed to run your career and family lives well and are good enough to have been offered a great opportunity?

Mintyy Thu 23-Oct-14 19:45:08

Sounds wonderful but are you sure about childminder in the holidays? Does this exist?

Hassled Thu 23-Oct-14 19:47:46

Go for it - it sounds like a fantastic opportunity. And if you're frazzled and knackered after a year or so, you can reconsider then - but you should at least give it a try. Otherwise you'll be wondering "what if..?" forever.

Timeforabiscuit Thu 23-Oct-14 19:49:11

That sounds brilliant! Congratulations!

I would go with your gut, if your reaction was a yes and your husband is up for it as well I don't think it really concerns the rest of your family unless your going to use them for de facto child care confused

hollowhallows Thu 23-Oct-14 19:52:34

Congratulations! If it is what you want and you think it is the best thing for you and your family then stuff the rest.

addictedtosugar Thu 23-Oct-14 20:10:27

Loads of couples here both work FT with kids.
What would you do for the difference between the twins 15 hrs and FT hours?
Could you negotiate reduced or compressed hours to get a 4 day week or 9 day fortnight?
No, your not nuts.

stihlhere Sat 08-Nov-14 08:51:45

Congratulations. Did you decide whether to go for the full time role? I'm having to make the same decision at the moment. I'd be earning nearly as much as my dh and the new job would support my studies.

Glad your Dh is onboard with your decision. Makes life easier

Floundering Sat 08-Nov-14 08:57:56

Sounds like you & DH have got the school run covered, and if you are earning more & can buy in help (like cleaner & holiday childcare) so you are not too frazzled on top of the job stresses, then go for it.

It's investment in your career, (good for your self esteem because of that as well!) the extra money will be nice for all the family.

If you can make it work for you all then go for it sounds ideal!


Greengrow Sat 08-Nov-14 19:10:32

There are about 010 reasons why children of mothers with young children dfo a lot better when the mother works full time but if I write them on mumsnet stay at home mothers cry so I will not but it is so.

Go back to full time work and your children will hugely benefit. I did it with 5 including twins, never mind just 3; perfectly doable and earned 10x what their father did - it rocks.

Littlef00t Sat 08-Nov-14 19:16:26

Just wondering whether you've thought about DH dropping a day? Perhaps til twins are at school. If you be earning similar you might find he's up for it.

vestandknickers Sat 08-Nov-14 19:19:50

Why can you not be a person without working full time?


I work part time so I can pick my children up from school every day, but I'm pretty sure I'm still a person.

Stealthpolarbear Sat 08-Nov-14 19:22:44

Do your family members have an issue with your dh working ft? My guess is no, because that's what men do isn't it?
Congratulations and go for it grin

Stealthpolarbear Sat 08-Nov-14 19:29:15

Who said that?

HappyAsASandboy Sat 08-Nov-14 19:49:29

You're not nuts or selfish!

If DH is able to do the drop offs and you're able to pick up, and the money would pay for cleaner, then I would say go for it!

We do similar and manage, though at times it is tough going (cold wet mornings, for example, when you have to be in early to be able to leave early). I find it very satisfying to be taken seriously at work because I can take a full role rather than only working a few days, and so far have been able to juggle so that I can do things with my DTs when I want/need to. A nanny would be easier than nursery, but we can't afford that even with the two wages.

Go for it. If you give it six months and hate it, it sounds like your employer would be open to finding you another PT role. You seem to be very much in demand smile

Good luck!

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