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how do i deal with going to work after 12yrs of being a SAHM

(13 Posts)
mouses Wed 12-Mar-14 10:44:39

ive written a post before, but need some support / advice?

i have 3 dcs, 3.5 - 12yrs. im a single parent and when dd goes full time in September i will need to start looking for work.
job centre are so stonefaced and unhelpful and makes me feel worthless sad

so ive come here for advice. i barely worked before the kids - having my 1st at just 19 id hardly got a chance to get experience.

I really don't know where to start? im nervous, lost, scared....
im not sure how it all works? what do i do on the term holidays and summer hols? i don't have no one to have the kids? what if they are sick, how do i work and care for them?

i want to work, im worried how my youngest will cope without me, she only knows me (an her brothers) no family close or friends? its all too unknown for me and im so worried. i suffer with mental illness an its really not helping my health stressing so much.

HennaFlare Fri 14-Mar-14 16:22:36

You'll find holiday clubs and wrap around care at their schools would be my guess. Or a childminder for the younger ones and let the 12 year old go home alone?

Please don't feel worthless. There are many, many people in this situation. You certainly aren't alone. The problems which seem insurmountable are really just things you haven't faced before. They are absolutely do-able.

If you feel it's affecting your mental health please see your dr. flowers

VeryStressedMum Fri 14-Mar-14 16:28:55

I thought you only needed to look for jobs when youngest child turns 7?

mouses Fri 14-Mar-14 18:32:22

yes it just the unknown, getting me all worked up. not being with my kids, its learning to let go I suppose?

it used to be 7, they put it down to 5 and its being lowered (if not already ) to 4yrs. they've told me to start looking now as it not long before change over.

Lunaballoon Fri 14-Mar-14 18:57:48

What kind of work would you be looking for, mouses? Maybe you could try to build up some experience in the time you have available now - volunteering at a school, charity shop, or anything that might be useful for your future job. Also look at your qualifications and possible courses at your local adult education centre. Good luck, you can do it!

RedandChecker Fri 14-Mar-14 19:02:33

Could you go into education in the meantime study something you love and then get qualified in a job you enjoy when youngest is a bit older

RedandChecker Fri 14-Mar-14 19:04:13

Could you go into education in the meantime study something you love and then get qualified in a job you enjoy when youngest is a bit older

Kif Fri 14-Mar-14 19:06:30

Why not volunteer somewhere as a way to dip your toe in the water and build up some confidence/CV points etc?

mouses Fri 14-Mar-14 19:31:52

im not sure what i would be good at lunaballoon I don't have people skills and im quite withdrawn due to mh issues.

where do I go to enquire about volunteering? directly in the school or work place?

a library would be ideal as its calm and quite maybe? do I just go in there?

education option is ruled out as I only have 2.5hrs free. i dont drive so its hard to get there, do the lesson and back in the short time.

if I go by interest, it animals, health an fitness, the elderly or at shelters?

any thing to do with maths is out the question, im ok with sorting as I had ocd traits and everything needs to be in the right place!

my biggest fear is leaving my little girl, i'll miss her sad she keeps me going through the day... the thought of her going full time school in sept makes me cry!

RedandChecker Fri 14-Mar-14 19:38:34

If you go to education you should be able to get help toward childcare giving you more time. Health and fitness seems a really good route to go down, what about a personal trainer course or something similar - I understand your anxiety about your DD going to school and you having to go back to work - it's a big change and will take a few months to get used to but you will be fine and there will be some positive outcomes from it.

If I were you I would talk to a learning advisor at your local higher education facility and see what options and advice they come up with - you will only have one child in childcare come September and you can get a grant so you would be able to have more time and most adult courses are very part time.

Is there not any public transport services between you and the local college?

mouses Fri 14-Mar-14 20:17:24

my counsellor tried to get some extra childcare so I could get to weekly appoinments, cant remember fully but was something along the lines of because she goes nursery 5 days a week for 2.5hrs ive only got so many hours (I think one hr) of child care available?

higher education? is that a 6th form or college? sorry for my dumness!
my nearest college is an hr away, only way I can get there is when my dd goes full time in sept or if I get childcare?

its so awkward at the moment, id have to bring dd with me where every i go to enquire if they allow it?

newfiechops Tue 18-Mar-14 16:05:09

You have brought up 3 kids, you manage your house, finances etc - you are not dumb! You have many transferable skills e.g. time managagement, negotiating skills (as a mum you may well be excellent at this!) you just need some help to realise what they are. Volunteering is a good idea - charities often need help - this may be on the retail side ie. working in a charity shop, or maybe working in a office. If you are near an animal rescue centre you may be able to help out there. If you are on benefits you can still receive them if you are volunteering. The careers advice service can be very helpful - the job centre can refer you, or you can refer yourself. If you need to find out about volunterring this web site is useful You can prob use the jobcentre computers & phones to research & make enquiries about volunteering. Good luck!

jellybeans Fri 21-Mar-14 22:24:24

I feel for you, I don't think lone parents should be forced to work..

Have you thought about becoming a childminder? My friend who is a lone parent did that and does well. Hard work and long hours but you get to be with your own DC too.

Otherwise, don't you only have to do 16 hours a week? You could do two days in a shop/care home etc and use after school club those two days and then have 3 days to pick DC up. Hard to get part time jobs that don't require evenings and weekends though.

Also dinner lady etc could be a way in to school hour jobs. Job centre may be OK with lesser hours to start off with (they mithered my friend to get over 16hrs but she was only a few hours a week till her kids were much older).

Good luck.

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