how to help my son accept me going back to work

[justalilmummy]

Hi, im due back to work next month and I'm very worried about how my ds is going to cope
We've recently had some problems (dad not around atm) which doesnt help!
I had only been working for a year before going off on maternity and he never got used to it
He became very clingy to me/ wont go out for day trips/sleepovers with GP at all
He wakes up every night to climb in to mu bed and this started when I started work
I'm very worried, hes such a sensitive soal, how can I help him be ok with this?
We did a trial run of my mum picking him up from school which she will do while I'm at work (doing 2/3 days per week) and he became hysterical, my mum had to pretty much drag him out the school gates as he wouldnt leave coz he wanted me to pick him up
U would think I would be worried about leaving the baby after maternity leave, but I'm just so worried about my biggest

[Unexpected]

What age is he?

[justalilmummy]

Hi I thought noone was going to reply!
Hes 4

[Fairylea]

This might sound like a really daft idea but could you get a special teddy bear that whoever picks him up from school could have (in the car waiting or hidden in a bag until he comes out of the school) that is mummy's special bear that he has to look after until you come home? Or maybe leave a little note that can be read at the end of the day when he gets in after school? (Obviously just something very short, mummy looks forward to seeing you and loves you lots etc). Maybe it might help him to have a sense of security and something to look forward to at the end of the school day when you're not there?

I know it's difficult but at 4 I do think he's just going through a bit of anxiety (especially with what you said about home too) and the best thing in those sort of situations is just to keep to a routine and be gentle but firm so although things might be changing he can find comfort in the routine of it all.

I'm sure he will settle in time.

[hoppinghare]

It's tough. Could he be worried that you are going to leave him if he can't see you? Does he feel as though his dad just disappeared when he wasn't looking. Could be something else but just in case it is this I would try reassuring him again and again that you are not going anywhere and possibly make plans in the morning for what you will do together after work so he knows you'll be back. Hope he is okay soon.

[justalilmummy]

Well I was working before I left so I dont think its that
He knows I'll be back he just hates me going
Makes me wanna go back even less!

[justalilmummy]

Before he left I mean

[scottishmummy]

Not being funny,but you're the adult here.he accepts it end of.no more fretting
If your all over the place worrying and catastrophising work he'll pick up on it
You adjust your routine,lose the guilt and just get on with working

[KateBG]

Try to explain to him why you have to go to work. My son was very unhappy to start attending kindergarten, but I explained to him that if I don’t work we won’t have money for food, clothes and toys. Use a weekend, when you are not at work. Tell him that you won’t go to work, and you won’t have money for juice, dessert, electricity bills. So feed him with broccoli, spinach, rice and water for a day, don’t let him turn on the TV or the radio and he will get the idea what is the role of the money in his life and how they are earned. The ideas above sounded really good. Don’t worry. This will pass. Good luck!

[LittleBonnie]

Keep calm and carry on! He'll soon get used to it!

Little boys love having their mums around 24-7 and will put you through a guilt trip if you're not at their beck and call. However, once you get back to work he will get into a secure routine and understand which days you're not going to be picking him up and those which you are!

As the previous poster said, make it known to him that mummy works to get the family more money for essential things and treats.

If you stick to your guns it will be good in the long run.