Advanced search

Need some opinions and some advice pleeease

(12 Posts)
Xfirefly Fri 22-Nov-13 19:50:09

thank you pretty. I know it sounds silly but I didn't realise how lucky I am until you've mentioned it was a lot left over. DH has come home from work this evening and he has been talking to his colleagues and he has come to the conclusion that me staying home will be the best. he has said he would never belittle me or make me feel rubbish and I believe him as we rarely fall out. we're too laid back. he has joked and said I have to do all the ironing now ( because he knows I hate it angry ) haha

prettykedi Fri 22-Nov-13 19:10:58

To have around £800 or £900 a month after you've paid all your bills including your food shop is a fortune. You are a lucky woman. I would honestly stay at home. Maybe you will feel awkward and guilty about living off what you see as your dh's money, but really, once you have children, you are a family, and his money is your money is your childrens' money. It becomes all the same pot. And you'll stop viewing it as yours and his. In a few years, the shoe might be on the other foot - you never know what's going to happen - he might get made redundant and you are the first of the two of you to find a job, so you become the breadwinner.

I don't see why you would squabble over money - you have enough not to.

Xfirefly Fri 22-Nov-13 18:11:46

my heart is saying to stay home until DD is past one at least.
my DH great and said if I need to stay at home that's fine. but Im just feeling off with the fact he'll be paying my bills like my phone contract. I've seen many threads on here from SAHMs saying their partners make them feel awful staying home and are financially abusive. me and dh have never raised our voices to each other but I'd hate for us to start squabbling over money.

CareersDragon Fri 22-Nov-13 14:17:40

Go for what you think is right in your heart!

I took a career break when I had DD and never regretted it. I felt very fortunate that as a team my DH and I could afford it. We viewed it as a team effort - looking after a baby/ toddler is very hard work, and my DH was appreciative of the effort and career sacrifice involved.

When I returned to work, it was through choice, and I felt I was able to give my all. In fact, I relished having me time again.

Don't feel guilty. If you both are in agreement & you can afford it, go for it!

Xfirefly Fri 22-Nov-13 11:58:20

thank you for replying all.

we were thinking of a childminder. a cousin of ours has used one since her now 9 year old was small so she's recommended her. only thing I was concerned with was as she's going to be small would a childminder who also had toddlers in her care struggle? we're going to call her and ask anyway.

with regards to my career, finding flexible hours for what I do would be very difficult. it involves nearly all weekend and holidays . I'm a complimentary therapist so finding jobs in this sector in this area can be hard. but I could work from home in the future, Im lucky to have that option. I just can't do it now sad .

I didn't write that incorrect, it would be around £900 blush Realistically £800. we don't have many luxuries. we don't go on holidays and we shop at lidl. wev always learnt to budget as growing up we had no money, our families were skint.

we're saying that being a SAHP would be the last option. I wouldn't mind that but I would go back to work when DD is in school. I just feel awkward and guilty for living off DHs money. anyone else feel like that at first?

MrsMargoLeadbetter Thu 21-Nov-13 23:41:00

I think there are a couple of issues:

- your career - do you want it to continue? If so, are there pt options elsewhere?

- do you want to be a SAHP? do you think you are suited to it?

- are you planning more DC?

Around our way childcare is pretty much fixed days. Competition for places is fierce, so they just don't have spare capacity.

Yes babies tend to cost more. The nursery DD will hopefully go it is £60 per day (London). It drops a little when they are 2 (I think from memory with DS) and then the 3/4 yr old funding kicks in which really helps.

Angelik Thu 21-Nov-13 21:53:20

just a quick post cos cooking my dinner but I sm very concerned about how you have been treated in your current job. forced to take holiday when you had pregnancy relayed illness? I'm not even sure that's legal. i think you need to get some employment advice. Try citizens advice.

I was a bit confused about how much money you would be left with at the end of the month. did i read right and you would have £900 after bills etc! I'm sure I must be wrong as that's a blooming fortune!

re nurseries and childminders - they do have set days.

Gintonic Thu 21-Nov-13 21:47:52

You might be better off trying a childminder, you may find someone who us willing to be flexible depending on your husband's shifts?

Xfirefly Thu 21-Nov-13 21:17:42

thank you for replying. my DH works a shift pattern so there isn't set days and he works both days and nights. we won't be entitled to any help at all sad I've done the calculator and it came back with nothing. even with DHs salary alone we wouldn't get anything.

do nurserys only allow you to have set days?

Babyroobs Thu 21-Nov-13 17:18:00

Can you look for a part time job which fits around your partners working hours so that you are not paying out a lot in childcare costs? You could look into whether you may be able to get any help for childcare through tax credits also.

Xfirefly Thu 21-Nov-13 14:18:29


Xfirefly Thu 21-Nov-13 09:50:58

I'm currently on maternity leave. DD is 11 weeks old and maternity leave ends end of march. I was basically forced to take my holidays and start maternity leave early as I had quite a poorly pregnancy and stupid amount of hospital appointments. This means going back to work when DD is 6 months old.

me and DH started talking about what we can do and doing some number crunching. my mum and his mum both work, other family members work and I know my dad wouldn't be able to look after her.FIL is sadly not with us anymore. so family childcare is out of the window. Im not planning on going back to my job as the company isn't child friendly and I wasn't treated well. I plan to find a part time job.

the problem is the cost of childcare. I've gone by what a friend pays a day and the fact I'd be on a minimum wage job (wasn't before) and it comes out I'd work for £17 a dayconfused. me and DH are not entitled to any benefits, only get child benefit.

Also I want to ask, do nursery's And childminders charge more for babies under a certain age?? I know one local to me did.

we then calculated the scenario if I stayed at home. we calculated everything, including the food shop, and we would be left over with around £900.

I need your opinions please grin is it worth going back to work in march or can we afford to wait a while? is it worth the part time job after the childcare?

me and Dh have always worked so I'd find it hard not having my own money and feel guilty, though he doesn't care, but at the same time I'd feel guilty putting me then 6 month old into childcare sad

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now