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2 months in, not getting better

(16 Posts)
CrossWords Thu 14-Nov-13 14:16:01

Back at work after second maternity leave (work at a City law firm) and i'm really struggling. It wasnt at all this bad first time round. Now I feel permanently 'foggy' / like I've been hit by a sledgehammer. I'm doubting my abilities, feeling terrified all the time, dreading being given more work. I cant think straight. I have never felt so down and feel like this is not sustainable. But I'm the breadwinner so dont have many options. Anyone got through this type of thing? I keep telling myself, if you're going through Hell, keep going.

CrossWords Thu 14-Nov-13 16:05:51

Just occurred to me that maybe still breastfeeding and expressing at work is having an impact as well.

Unexpected Thu 14-Nov-13 20:41:19

Poor you. What age is your baby? Does s/he sleep through the night? Does your partner do a fair share of night waking/child minding/ house keeping? How is your health generally - are you possibly anaemic?

Southpaws Thu 14-Nov-13 20:52:55

I'm also a lawyer and totally identify with you feeling terrified terrified and doubting your ability. For me, I changed to working in house and it's a million times better. More flexible working, less pressure, no bills targets and less of a blame culture. Is that an option at all?

If not, I would (unless you are the supervising partner!) perhaps speak to them and ask them to cast their eye over things that you are not 100% sure on, just to give you a little reassurance until you are firing on all cylinders. My favourite phrase was 'can I just quickly run this past you?'! They just ended up confirming what I already knew normally, but it gave me some comfort to hear it from them. Whatever happens don't struggle on silently and end up drowning in work.

CrossWords Thu 14-Nov-13 21:22:06

DD is nearly nine months and although she was sleeping well at first is now not so good - of course now I'm back at work! DP picks up her from nursery and DS who's 6 from school and has them till whatever time I get back. So I am lucky with that.
In house is my dream job but the opportunities are so rare and in my state trying to job hunt on top of everything is a prospect that makes me want to cry. I know no-one else can help me change things but me though so I need to bite that bullet.

CrossWords Thu 14-Nov-13 21:43:07

Has anyone else had a very very dark time - like not feeling yourself at all - you can't imagine feeling joy, your head feeling like its all foggy - and it was only a temporary thing?

ekat Thu 14-Nov-13 22:07:00

Hi CrossWords! I have been in a similar place (at times) after returning post second DC, I found that it got better after I stopped expressing at work (and reduced feeding). Seeing a personal coach helped me focus. Is that an option for you?

ekat Thu 14-Nov-13 22:12:09

Wanted to add that for me, being utterly exhausted (+ work stress) made me miserable and unable to focus. I used to nap with the baby at the weekends to catch up on some sleep.

CrossWords Thu 14-Nov-13 22:19:23

Ekat I've been told by work to look into coaching (it might be pretty clear to all and sundry that I'm a bit all over the place). Can you recommend it? I tried to find a personal coach through google but wasnt confident at the results

ekat Thu 14-Nov-13 22:28:06

I would definitly recommend it. I used the same coach for all my 3 DCs. For me, my coach acted as a sounding board (confidential, no judgment, helped me formulate coping strategies and long term plan).

ekat Thu 14-Nov-13 22:36:54

I also found going back to work after second mat. leave was a lot harder than after the first (physically & mentally). I was expecting it to be easier, but it was far from it. That itself made me feel like I was never performing sufficiently well (at work or home front). It gradually got better.

ekat Thu 14-Nov-13 22:40:57

PS I have just checked, and the one I used is still coaching. If you PM me. I will send you her name/link to website.

CrossWords Fri 15-Nov-13 10:15:23

Thanks so much for checking that - but I dont know how to PM??

itshowwedo Fri 15-Nov-13 10:22:43

I struggled first time back. The corner came about 5 months in. I do think breastfeeding was at the bottom of it for me. I had a huge crisis, stopped feeding (DD was 15 months) and the whole thing was uphill from thereon in. I think hormones have a lot to answer for hmm I hope you settle back in soon - it is hard to go back after a break.

itshowwedo Fri 15-Nov-13 10:23:48

Crosswords you can PM ekat by clicking the "message poster" link at the top right of her posts.

CrossWords Fri 15-Nov-13 11:18:26

Interesting about the hormones/breastfeeding possibility - trying to find time to express is stressful in itself! Its very weird as well being in a familiar environment but suddenly feeling like you dont have any of your coping mechanisms and just cant actually do the work. Veru unsettling.

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