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Talk to me about the need for a 'supportive husband'

(7 Posts)
flowersinavase Wed 02-Oct-13 22:46:55

Currently a SAHM to two young children (3.2yrs and 7m). Thinking of a third fairly soon (would like a bigger family). DH works huge amounts, and is often away in the week (he's been at home for a grand total of 14hrs over the last two weeks...). So all the childcare / running of the home is up to me.

I really want to start my own business at some point soon. Don't want to go into specifics, but it'd be fairly flexible, at least at the start.

I randomly met a hugely successful businesswoman today. Her answer to how she managed raising four children and starting up her business was 'a supportive husband' who did more than his share of the childraising/home life.

I simply do not have that. DH supports me emotionally, but cannot support me practically, other than financially if that makes sense. If a child gets sick, it's my issue. If there's a parents' evening: I go. If we need groceries, I go shopping. Absolutely everything is my job.

So I want to know if there's anyone out there who's built a successful business whilst having a husband who works as much as mine. If so, how? Nannies? Practical help from family isn't really an option.

Please show me that this can be done...

ravenlocks Wed 02-Oct-13 23:11:37

Hmm, not exactly the same situation here but I have been seeking advice recently over a similar question, ie how to commit to a full on career with young kids and a husband also in a full time demanding job. My DH doesn't work away as much as yours and does about 50/50 of household and childcare stuff as we both currently work as much as the other.

The advice I have which would be relevant to you is yes to nanny or childcare that gives you the flexibility, you and your DH working out how to share more evenly the house and DCs responsibility and how you can pick up the slack for each other, he might just have to change his situation. Get a cleaner, use a laundry service etc, online grocery shop, pull in support from family.

Tough one as there will always be compromise and some you may not be willing to make if it imapcts too much on the family.

I would also say if you have an idea for a business go for it, depending on what it is it will take a while to establish before it (hopefully, if it is successful) became all consuming and if it did you could always hire others to help give you a balance at home. No point worrying about what might not happen.

ModeratelyObvious Wed 02-Oct-13 23:15:09

Why wouldn't your DH change his hours?

ModeratelyObvious Wed 02-Oct-13 23:17:56

At the moment, those things are your job because you are an SAHM.

If you aren't going to be an SAHM, not all of them can be your job anymore.

What could DH start to do now, practically? Online shop in his lunch hour, maybe?

Do you want to start the business before or after having dc3?

rootypig Wed 02-Oct-13 23:18:09

Well, you sound happy with the situation between you and your DH. Fine, if it's what works for you. But then the answer must be, some sort of nanny or mother's help who comes in a few mornings or afternoons a week to watch the children while you work on your business, combined with you working in the evenings once they're in bed. It's a lot, but if you're passionate about your idea, you'll do it!

flowersinavase Thu 03-Oct-13 01:40:48

DH can't really change his hours without changing jobs. It's an all or nothing profession really.

Moderately - the fact that those things will no longer be my job once I'm no longer a SAHM is a really useful way of looking at it.

Can you get people to come over early in the morning!? That's the time I'm worried about: DD will be going to one school and then DS (when he starts) to another, so the mornings will be manic.

I was thinking of starting it once DC3 is born: we were going to have him/her sooner rather than later. So to spend the next year/18m prepping to start work and then begin once s/he's here and we know the lay of the land.

ravenlocks - I'll look up your thread!

janey68 Thu 03-Oct-13 07:01:14

You need childcare my dear!

Tbh, the fact that its your own business you're thinking of, is not really much different to if you went out and found a job. The point is: there will be two of you working and therefore you need to buy in some help.

I am totally in support of child and home - related tasks being evenly split between working parents taking into account the time available to them, but if your husband is physically not around much then clearly he can't do a great deal day to day.

I'm not quite clear about the early morning issue... Why would you specifically need to be working on your business then? I agree that early mornings area manic, but surely it's the same for any parent getting the little ones to nursery before work? Or do you mean that you're looking to find some help at that time anyway, regardless of the business issue?

Whichever it is, there are definitely different forms of childcare out there. It sounds as though you're looking for someone who can come to you, rather than you dropping the children with them. That may reduce your options a little as child minders and nursery obviously operate in their own premises. But nanny, au pair, or a kind of 'home help' arrangement could work well for you

Good luck with your business plan

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