PLEASE HELP ME SETTLE MY CHILD SO I CAN RETURN TO WORK!!!!!!

[whatsthestoryinbalamorytoday]

My daughter is 18 months and has recently become so clingy that it was driving me insane. My mum offered to look after her while I return to work part-time. When I took my daughter round there to help settle her in, she was a complete nightmare!!!!
At home, she's no trouble at all so we were all really shocked. Now my mum is saying that if she doesn't settle, she won't look after her which means I'll have to give in this dream job which I'm so desperate to start.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HELP!!!!!!
I just want a bit of my life back and am writing this out of sheer desperation!!!!!
Any hints or tips would be greatly appreciated!!!! I will be going to my mums every weekend until the start of the job to help get her settled but I need to make sure everything's fine as soon as possible.
HELP!!!!! :(

[ThePrisoner]

I started having a little lad when he was 14 months old (and his mummy is an occasional mumsnetter so I'd better be careful what I say!!) who was unbelievably clingy - which is why she needed the break.

If I have a clingy one, I tend to go for lots of walks and talk incessantly to the child, so that they are used to my voice (poor things!) I would also still go out to my usual groups (toddler group etc.), when the child is then happier to be with whoever is looking after them because everyone else is more of a stranger (hope that doesn't sound as bad as I think it does). Do lots of one-to-one - reading, singing, playing with toys.

As this is actually your mum, could she come to your house for a while to look after your dd until she is happier with your mum, and can then go to your mum's house once she is OK?

[Florizel]

18 months is a tough age to leave a child - but you can get through it. It is good that she's going to your mum's, as she's familiar with her already. I was amazed at how quickly my 10month old dds each settled (2 years apart), having looked like they were never going to at first.

Bear in mind that children are always much worse just when you are leaving. She'll begin to be ok soon after you've left. Definitely practise leaving her for very short periods, gradually lengthening the time you are away as the start of work draws near. Even if you havn't got much time, a few trial sessions will work wonders.

I felt so awful leaving my babies, but don't regret it at all now. They have had a brilliant start in life at their nursery and I have been able to have some of my old self back.

[Skribble]

When you leave her at your Mums do you hang about trying to settle her or do you just drop her and go?

I find it works best to just drop them and go but come back say in 15 mins the first time and increase it each time. It re-enforces the idea that you will come back. Hanging about only seems to increase the anxiety and give the impression that they can change the situation by crying.

[monkeytrousers]

Can't your mum go to your house so the surroundings are familiar?

[monkeytrousers]

Sorry, The Prisoner, x posts.

What does your mum do to settle her? Lots of one to one attention from both of you might help. When a child is insecure they need the attention they are trying to get to feel secure.

I hate it when I hear people saying children are crying to get attention - yes, so give them it FGS!

Not that I know that's what's happening here of course

[whatsthestoryinbalamorytoday]

My mum has now refused to look after her at all-THANKS ALOT!!!! Nice to know I've got family to depend on when I need it!!!!
Her reasons are that it's too big a commitment, even though all this was ok'd before I went to the interview!!!! The worse thing is that she takes my newphews every weekend.
I've enrolled dd in a local nursery but my wage will only just cover the cost so I'll be working the whole day and after Nursery fees I'll only be taking home £10 a day!!!!
I'm so unbelieveably stressed!!!! We need the money and I'll be bringing home nothing at all!!!! I don't know what more I can do and feel myself getting severley depressed but can't talk to anyone about it.

[monkeytrousers]

I know it's difficult but is there any way you could wait until she's ready? [hides]

[vix1]

What a nightmare!! Children of this age are aware of what is happening, but are not able to vocalise about their worries so they cry, and get clingy, but by keeping to the same plans they soon learn that it is ok, it can take a good couple of weeks to settle in. Would you not have considered using a Chilminder or a Nannyshare - im sure it would be cheeper than a Nursery, and could your mum not have helped out for 1 or 2 days a week? Although this may be tougher on your child

[cye]

You poor thing. I sympathise. I don't live near my family but my husband's are around - and not offering to help with our childcare problems. My daughter gets very upset if anyone other than her me or dh holds her no idea how on earth i can leave her when i go back to work. worrying about it keeps me awake at night. am trying for a childminder as that strikes me as the nearest thing to a grandparent (ie home enviromnent with other children so feels more like a family than an institution) and is more likely to offer continuity (I'm seeing a woman next week who has been a childminder for around 15 years) as the last thing you need with a sensitive child is a high staff turnover. i think cm is also cheaper than nursery... worth a try?
good luck and remember you're not alone!

[Nanou1]

Hello there. poor you... what we did worked for us... no family to speak of around us and dd never away from us but we took the habit of putting her into nursery 2 day since she was 9 months. she was still young and easier for me and for her.... i am the one who cried when i picked her up on her 1st day... how about sharing a childminder? or an aupair if you have the room? good luck