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Tips for coping with emotional aspect of f/t work, please!

(16 Posts)
spotofcheerfulness Wed 26-Jun-13 09:27:11

I start a new f/t job in 3 weeks, DSs are 4.5 and 2.5. They'll be looked after by DP or a childminder part-time who they love. I have no concerns about the quality of care but I'm really going to miss them, and they'll miss me too as they're real "mummy's boys" and have been used to me being around (although I have been p/t all their lives).
Any suggestions for making the most of our reduced time together? TIA

Januarymadness Wed 26-Jun-13 09:40:18

For me it is a case of needs must. I switch into work mode which is ver different from Mummy mode. Dont get me wrong of course I still think about her and wish I was there all the time but there is no point in dwelling on something I cant change. I make the most of the time we do have.

Januarymadness Wed 26-Jun-13 09:40:40

Good luck in your new job

spotofcheerfulness Wed 26-Jun-13 09:43:39

Thank you! I agree it is def needs must here too. How do you make the most of the time? For e.g atm here the boys eat around fivish but I'm wondering if best to try and push it (and their bedtimes) back and all eat together, but they'll prob be knackered by then...

KristinaFranziska Wed 26-Jun-13 11:04:30

Is it the three weeks you are wanting to make the most of, or the time when you are working, or something else?
What is it that matters most to you?
And to them?

spotofcheerfulness Wed 26-Jun-13 11:15:41

It's when I start work. I guess I'm wondering what others have done in a similar position to help the whole family transition.

spotofcheerfulness Wed 26-Jun-13 11:17:26

In terms of what matters to them it's maximum time with me. And for me, it's wanting to make sure the time we do spend together is as stress- free as possible...

KristinaFranziska Wed 26-Jun-13 11:48:40

OK, so what specifically does each DS get from their time with you?
My DS loves hugs, he's a tactile.
A friend's DD wants affirmation and to be watched (all those swings, climbs, jumps, physical activities) and she values quality time doing crafts together.

What are their needs? specific needs?
What are their wants? again specifically?

spotofcheerfulness Wed 26-Jun-13 11:59:39

DS1 wants one on one play time, usually a role play game of his choosing. He is very unphysical.
DS2 is much more physical, so wrestling and playing football.
it's quite hard to play games that they both enjoy together.
I guess I'll have to be a lot more strategic about weekend play time and less focused on trying to meet everyone's play needs at the end of a working day on weekdays.
Thank you, Kristina, that's helped focus my mind quite a lot smile.

Januarymadness Wed 26-Jun-13 16:47:50

Dont torture yourself. A stressed out mum on the verge of a breakdown will do no one any good. Good parenting is about doing the best YOU can. It is not about creating a perfect environment, no one is perfect.

Januarymadness Wed 26-Jun-13 16:49:05

Also bed times are great for quiet story time, 1 on 1 time and cuddle time (for you x)

CreatureRetorts Wed 26-Jun-13 16:49:45

I wouldn't make them eat later - it's not fair on them. That can come later when they're older. Keep them to the routine albeit with the CM etc and be home for bedtimes. It will take adjusting for all of you but you'll get there.

spotofcheerfulness Wed 26-Jun-13 19:54:13

January, you've already picked up on my anxiety and guilt! It'll take a while to get used to but you're right, everyone will benefit if I (somehow) manage to give myself a break! I should step away from the MN threads that say I'm going to break my kids by working FT...

Thanks, Creature smile. Mealtimes are pretty stressy anyway, so I definitely wouldn't feel like I'd be missing out on anything there!

Januarymadness Wed 26-Jun-13 21:56:44

Every decent parent wants to give their kids more of something. It could be material things, time, financial backing, emotional support, academic support, life skills, grounding the list goes on. We just have to do the best we can with what we have and find the right balance for us.

MsDeerheart Wed 26-Jun-13 22:25:30

I went full time when my youngest was about the same age - its has been much better than I thought - work is easier doing it full time and have shared childminder and family care as well that works really well. I think the important thing is give your DC sometime that works for them -I do bedtime and stories for DC1 and DC2 has some time in the morning.

spotofcheerfulness Thu 27-Jun-13 21:32:22

THat is great to hear that it's easier than you'd thought, MsDeerheart! Sounds like you've found a good balance with your DC's needs. Nice to hear a positive story as I'm always a bit glass half empy and always expect the worst!

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