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Back to work after 12 years. Dd2 crying her eyes out every night.

(63 Posts)
Verycold Mon 27-May-13 22:15:13

I am starting in September. She will be 10 but she is soooo upset at me not taking her to school anymore, not picking her up. It kills me! Feel like throwing in the towel already!

Talkinpeace Tue 06-Aug-13 22:43:31

"worrying about no longer walking to school together"
I take it she is currently still at primary
because come year 7 she would not be seen dead "walking to school with mummy"

she is afraid of change and being utterly out of order blackmail on you

personally I'd stop talking to them about it till the start of term as you are just inviting them to chew over unknown unknowns that they can do nothing about
so they are extrapolating all sorts of odd ideas that will not come to fruition

Verycold Sat 03-Aug-13 22:25:55

More tears but I told her how it is and will have to keep doing that. Now ds not happy about the childcare I've arranged for one afternoon a week! confused

Verycold Wed 31-Jul-13 21:54:21

Are you full time Lizzie?

LizzieVereker Wed 31-Jul-13 20:57:31

I do see them, I try to be home by 5.30 every day, so we spend the whole evening together, and I do my school work when they're in bed. I try to squeeze every minute out of my non contact time so that I don't have too much to do at weekends, generally I need to do a half day. The workload where I work is notorious, so if I can do it it's doable IYSWIM.

Obviously there's the odd Parent's Evening when I don't see them at all, but I find that they're fine as long as they know in advance, and my DH makes a big deal of it being a Dad's night, they watch a DVD and eat gross things!

I point blank refuse to do any summer schools etc, I am adamant about that, and I find there are usually plenty of younger colleagues wanting to staff them to earn a bit extra.

The way I see it, I'm around a lot more than some of my friends who work in London and don't get home till bedtime and need to find holiday childcare.

LizzieVereker Wed 31-Jul-13 20:46:33

BTW I completely agree with handling it in the way Belated suggested, lots of "You'll soon see, there's nothing to worry about".

Perhaps DD1 could be primed/ bribed to suggest that they remember to wish you luck and ask how your first day went, and then you can praise them for being brave and supportive.

Verycold Wed 31-Jul-13 20:40:12

Lizzie that's so kind of you thank you! I'm MFL unfortunately. Very reassuring that you say you see plenty of your children, recent threads about teaching on here have made me very worried!

LizzieVereker Wed 31-Jul-13 20:36:25

Well done for getting back into the workplace thanks, no mean feat at the moment. Plus you're setting a great example to your daughters, try not to worry too much.

I think change of any kind at your daughter's age is difficult for children to manage, especially if she's a bit of a worrier. She'll get used to the idea, as others have said she'll soon want to go to Secondary or her own anyway. I'm a teacher, and I see plenty of my children, it can be done. Good luck!

Ps if by any chance you teach Secondary English I'm happy to send you lots of lessons/ PowerPoints to ease your planning? Apologies if you've already said and I've missed it.

Verycold Wed 31-Jul-13 20:12:52

Good luck to you, too!

alimac87 Wed 31-Jul-13 09:57:14

Good luck. I am also going back to work after 12 years of freelancing/being at home: DD (12) wept when I told her. But like you I'm so pleased to have the opportunity. Going to be interesting the first few months.confused

belatedmaybe Wed 31-Jul-13 08:44:20

Maybe it is time for some tough love. Your dd is a worrier and every time you comfort and reassure you are reinforcing that there is something to worry about! After this amount of time I really think you need to be taking a harder line. "No, there is nothing to worry about so no more tears" "we have already discussed how we will handle x so stop worrying now" "no mummy is proud to get this opportunity and worked hard for it, I have been here every step of the way for you and being proud of you, now is your turn to be proud of me"

It is awful when are dc are upset but sometimes we allow our own guilt to make us feed it not deal with it. You are not abandoning her you are taking a positive step and, at 10yo, your dd will have to accept it.

Verycold Wed 31-Jul-13 08:14:48

Random, dd is a worrier by nature so that definitely plays a part!

Verycold Wed 31-Jul-13 08:14:02

Random, dd is a worrier by nature so that definitely plays a part!

Verycold Wed 31-Jul-13 08:12:40

Thanks Snake, hope it will be the same for us, but without me having to go on AD's

RandomMess Tue 30-Jul-13 22:17:25

I wonder how much is about other anxieties but she is focusing on your new job?

SnakePlisskensMum Tue 30-Jul-13 22:14:18

I've been through exactly the same. I had 8 years off and have been back at my full time, very stressful job for a year now. Both DS and DD were upset every night and I nearly gave up after 3 months. It upset me so much, I went on AD's. I stuck at it though and we've all come out the other side and I'm so pleased I carried on. I'm having a few days off with them and they are driving me crazy with their fighting! I can't wait to go back grin

Verycold Tue 30-Jul-13 21:58:35

After a long gap of dd kind of being okay there were more tears tonight as it's getting closer. Gah!! sad

Verycold Thu 30-May-13 08:08:16

Thank you. I really really appreciate everyone's messages, it's so easy to feel bad about it when waking up in the early hours!

exoticfruits Thu 30-May-13 07:32:27

Don't start doubting yourself, most teachers have gone back long before the DC reaches 10 yrs. Just be calm and matter of fact- it is fear of the unknown and she will adjust. Don't get into endless, pointless discussions - you have had enough of them by the sound if it- just go for the calm, broken record approach with a short sentence and change the subject.

Verycold Wed 29-May-13 22:47:16

I think it's hard as well because we've been lucky enough not to struggle financially while I was at home. If I could be sure to get work then I would happily stay at home until all three are at secondary, but I know I am lucky to find sonething now after such a long time away, so if I left it another five years...

Thinking now whether I should have gone for something "smaller", but on the other hand I studied years for my degree, did my teacher training, do I really want to waste that completely?

HokeyCokeyPigInAPokey Wed 29-May-13 22:38:18

It is bloody hard and you feel crappy, guilty and upset.

But even today when it's hard to leave because they are at home for half term I'm still really glad I did it.

I think it has taught dd1 to be a bit more independent and think for herself. She even helps around the house now she sees how knackered I am!

We have more money to spend on fun things as a family and I am not just mum any more, I have a whole other role which I really enjoy.

Honestly don't stress it will be hard initially but it will get easier.

exoticfruits Wed 29-May-13 22:31:16

It is hard but she needs the security of knowing that you are in charge and you know best. Just be calm and factual and don't get drawn into long, pointless discussions.

Verycold Wed 29-May-13 22:28:23

Thank you. This is really hard hmm

HokeyCokeyPigInAPokey Wed 29-May-13 21:59:54

very I went back to work after 10 years in Feb.

DD1 who is ten was in a terrible state. She cried everyday and was stressed and hated it.

I remember crying and wondering what I'd done it was so awful!

After about 3 weeks she was totally fine and now it's like I was never at home.

Don't worry it will be ok x

LifeofPo Wed 29-May-13 21:56:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

exoticfruits Wed 29-May-13 21:53:01

You just need to give her the security of being the one in charge, just calm and matter of fact-'this is what is going to happen'.

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