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Missing out on my family.

(5 Posts)
Tessielu Thu 16-May-13 23:22:29


I am a new member here and have not been part of an online community for a good few years. I am currently facing some difficult decisions and remembering the excellent advice and perspectives available last time I was involved with a similar site I have decided to join here, so hello everyone!

A very difficult decision has prompted me to seek some valuable advice and opinions. Thanks to my non stop work schedule I do not have many friends outside of work that I feel I want to open up to so I really am really hoping for some honest opinions that may help me make a difficult decision.

I am a secondary school teacher with two children age 8 and 6 plus a fantastic husband. I have only been teaching for around 3 1/2 years and it is something I do love and enjoy very much. However, it has taken over my life and during term time I work until on average 10pm ( I can be lucky and stop at 9pm but it can be much later too). I also work for another 6+ hours at weekends and to be honest I am still not even scratching the surface when it comes to marking! I am so exhausted when the holidays arrive that over Easter I was so rundown and sick that I enjoyed few days with my family. When I am not working, I am thinking about work, I totally neglect my family for my school and students.

I stayed at home until my youngest turned 4 and life was bliss, how I adored those baby years. I was a typical 1950's housewife (apart form completing a degree) and loved every moment. It has to come to a point where I feel enough is enough and I want to be the mother I once was and I am considering leaving my job. I love working with children so am thinking of applying for a supporting role which would pay less than half the salary I receive now but the work load would be far less. I would be able to leave work and care for my family, not work all night long then fall into bed.

However, I have progressed a great deal in my work and have been carrying out a managerial role so working part time in a supporting role will be a massive step down on the career ladder. Yet the prospect of being a good mum to my beautiful children fill me with joy. Although I love teaching, I don't enjoy the endless hours of additional work at home. I also neglect my husband, he works all day and then deals with the kids and many of the chores so I can 'work'.

My heart says, 'go for the low paid job and be a good mum and wife and have a real life'. My head says, 'Don't leave a job you are excelling in, getting well paid for and have wanted to do for a long time'. I suppose part of me is worried about what people might think if I left but the other part says it is only my family that matters.

I need to be handing my notice in very soon if I decide to leave, before I will be able to secure another job, otherwise I will be in breach of contract. Sorry for such a long drawn out message but I am so in need of some advice.

Thanks for reading xxx

Rockchick1984 Fri 17-May-13 09:39:11

Could you not simply stop taking on the additional management responsibilities as a starting point, to see how much time that frees up for you? Or apply to work part time in a teaching role, the marking etc can then be done when your children are in school?

My mum was a teacher for many years, she decided it wasn't what she wanted any more (things had changed a lot during the course of her career) so she is now a TA. She loves not having the paperwork, but finds it very hard to deal with having no say in anything and only minimal responsibility. She looked into returning to teaching about 3 years ago, and was told she had been away from it for too long and would need to do a qualification to refresh her skills.

IndigoCat Fri 17-May-13 09:45:16

Hi I don't know what to suggest but I have similar feelings to you. The only difference being if I go for a part time or lower paid job it will mean we would have to move to a smaller place. The current situation is impacting on my health, if you don't have health what do you have?

What you describe does not sound sustainable, how would you feel taking a less demanding job? because it does sound like you really enjoy your job. Is there anyway you could delegate some of it?

weighing everything up something will have to give....

Sorry if not much help, but I know how you feel!

Tessielu Sun 19-May-13 16:59:25

Thanks for your replies. I managed to post this twice so had not seen you responses until now. We are fortunate that we should be able to just manage if I take a lower paid job. I do love teaching but not as much as I love my family and I don't want to look back when they are grown up and ask myself why I neglected them. Even without the extra responsibility the marking / reports / planning etc will not let up and although I love being in the classroom I really don't love working 24hour 7. I am pretty sure I have made my decision!

IndigoCat Mon 20-May-13 01:06:46

Good luck

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