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Working full time - will my DD still love me????

(8 Posts)
alikat724 Tue 14-May-13 16:17:26

Just wondering if anyone has any strategies for dealing with the guilt of returning to work full time? I have been working part-time since last September (2 days, gradually increasing) but from this week will be full time again due entirely to financial necessity. I miss my DD (now 17 months) so much, and feel so guilty about not being able to take care of her, or see her through the day. I have 1.5 hrs with her in the morning, quite rushed of course before dropping her at nursery at 8am, and by the time I get home after 6pm she is already in the bath (DH picks her up around 4ish). I know this is probably entirely normal but I am just so sad that I am not getting any quality time with her any more. Would really appreciate some reassurance that other mums have done this and that their children still grow up to love them!

lovefreelance Tue 14-May-13 16:46:24

Yes!!!! I worked full time from when my son was 4 months old. And for a period of time, when I was a single mum (before I got an au pair), he even lived in the week with my mum and dad, only coming home at weekends. My work days were 14 hours long, and as the only breadwinner I had no choice but to work.

And despite all that, my son and I are incredibly close. It honestly didn't affect our relationship at all - if anything it made us appreciate each other even more. You're being the best mum you can - and that's what really matters (and what your daughter will appreciate).

So please let go of guilt and learn to love both your job and your precious family time. Make the most of both of them and you'll be a happier mum, and everyone will benefit from that smile

alikat724 Tue 14-May-13 17:00:56

Thank you so much love! I work in banking, where the hours are very long even at the lower pay grades - by working 9til5 I am really compromising my career but feel a lot of pressure from my DH, as he constantly says things like "why do people even have kids if they never see them???" and so I feel I'm not being a good worker OR a good mother. Lose:lose situation doing my self-esteem no favours at all, your words definitely give me comfort that it isn't the end of the world that I'm not spending more time with her.

Rockchick1984 Wed 15-May-13 08:41:03

My mum and dad both worked full time when I was little and now (at 29!) we are still amazingly close and always have been. I'm a SAHM but DH works full time and has no concerns about if DS still loves him, it's definitely a concern that only seems to come from women! If anything I worry that DS will love DH more than me - I have to deal with all the discipline, all the mundane things like bum changes, taking him shopping etc. DH is the one who gets to come in and just do the fun stuff, try to see it like that if it helps smile

Blu Wed 15-May-13 08:46:03

Does she love you part-time now?
Does she love her Daddy, who works?

Tell your DH to get a grip and support you, throw yourself into work when you are at work, knowing that your DD is well cared for, and throw yourself into home life when at home knowing that you are a good Mum and doing the best for your family.

Congratulate yourself rather than beating yourself up with guilt.

MarjorieAntrobus Wed 15-May-13 08:47:20

It won't make any difference in the long run to your DD. It's harder for you than for her right now.

Twenty years ago a friend and I chose different paths when our first DC were babies. I did the part-time route whereas she went full-time. At the time we each were suspicious of the other's choice, though we stayed friends.

Twenty years later, would I say there was any difference in mother-daughter relationships? Nope. Not at all.

alienbanana Wed 15-May-13 08:47:29


alikat724 Wed 15-May-13 13:17:27

Thank you all! Particularly rockchick and marjorie, it is very reassuring to know that long-term it is unlikely to impact our relationship, and exactly what I needed!

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