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Do I go back to work yet, or leave it a bit longer?

(6 Posts)
ShhBoom Sun 24-Feb-13 19:24:25

My DS will be 3 in a couple of weeks & will start pre school in April. I've been a single mum for 2 and a bit years. Since I've had DS I've worked twice. The first job I have to leave as DS was 8 months old and I felt he was too young to go to nursery. My mum was looking after him while I worked but she was admitted to hospital with MH problems, and wasn't able to look after him anymore.

About a year later DS was going to a nursery so I got a part time job. However I was there 5 days a week, and by that point my mum was home from hospital, and I was her full time carer. Trying to work 5 days a week, be a single mum & carer was all a bit much, so I left and haven't worked since. (I took DS out of nursery as I could not justify the cost as i wasn't working)

I've been offered a position at my last place of work, and although I haven't set anything in stone with them I'm hoping to work only 2 full days a week, and have DS in pre school for those 2 days. But I've just been diagnosed with depression, which comes from issues in my past, and I'm stressing about how I'm going to juggle caring for my mum, DS & work again.

I feel like I SHOULD be going to work as DS will be going to pre school anyway. And I do want to work but I'm so worried about wether or not I can cope. I don't know wether to turn down the position, wait a few months & find something else or go ahead with it & hope for the best. It doesn't help that I really don't particularly like the job I'll be doing, but I know plenty of people work because they have to, regardless of wether or not they like the job, so that doesn't worry me too much.

Financially I could survive as I have done so far, and I'm not receiving carers allowance. But I HATE feeling like I'm sponging off of the government and feel like I should be out earning money.


I'm sorry for the long ramble! Can anyone talk some sense into me, or have any similar experience?

ShhBoom Mon 25-Feb-13 10:28:08


hefner Mon 25-Feb-13 16:35:39

I can understand why you're feeling unsure, depression can knock your confidence and it sounds like your last experience of working was very stressful. 2 days a week sounds more manageable than the 5 days you were doing before, and if you've been offered another job with your last employer they obviously like you and think you can do the job well. I suppose it depends how much you dislike the job. If it's not too bad then I would say go for it, as you'll find it easier to get other more enjoyable jobs once you're already working. Is your mum ok to be left for the day while you're at work? Going to work might feel like a bit of a break from your caring responsibilities, but not if you'll be dreading a call to say your mum needs you. Good luck with everything.

Neeko Mon 25-Feb-13 17:56:49

I agree that going to work can be a bit of a mental and emotional break from everything else. I think if work will agree to 2 days then it's worth a shot, but do it because you want to get back into the job market, because you feel you're ready, because you think it will be a good stepping stone... Any reason other than you think you SHOULD. It sounds like you've had a hard enough few years, without guilt-tripping yourself.
Best of luck whatever you decide.

morleylass Mon 25-Feb-13 18:28:47

One way I use to decide whether a decision is right for you is to imagine how you would feel with each outcome.

So imagine how you would feel if you go and see them and they say 2 days is fine, when can you start? Do you feel happy or unhappy?
Then imagine how you would feel if they say 2 days is not acceptable and you therefore cannot accept the job, do you feel disappointed or relieved?
I know that is a bit simplistic but it can be helpful sometimes.

I think you need to try and understand why you have developed depression, that may help you decide whether you should take on the job?

Good luck either way,

ShhBoom Mon 25-Feb-13 20:34:20

Thanks for all of your replies smile
Well my boss text me today asking me what days i can work, and i told her the 2 days that will be best for me. She replied saying that she'll give me those days for now, which i know means she'll be trying to push me to do other shifts before long. DS's dad is now having him less, so i know there's no way i can really do any other shifts.

I spoke to my mum and i think that she's not ready for me to go back to work. I think she's worried about me not being around as much, and was subtly trying to talk me out of it.

I've been feeling ill, sick & dizzy all day which i'm sure is from the stress of worrying about work. Even if i do start working i'll be constantly worried about my boss trying to get me to work more shifts.

God these decisions are never easy are they!?

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