Argh! Ranty, sorry...

[MissBetseyTrotwood]

Started back at work this week for the first time in 6 years. I'm loving it - the DCs are at primary school and although I work every day I get to drop them off and pick them up.

Over the last two days various issues have cropped up which I have expected DH to deal with as they have arisen while I'm at work; he's self employed and not around much but is able to help out as he's pretty much his own boss. However, he's used to me managing everything so it didn't occur to him immediately that he should deal with it.

Our house is not immaculate (I'm talking a pile of washing in the kitchen and kids' toys, not a 'How Clean is Your House' job.) The garden's a muddy mess as we have a big dog, but we'll deal with it when we have the time and the DCs play in the park anyway.

MIL just rang to see 'how things were going.' She told me that DH could not be expected to take any more of a share in the running of the house and care of the DCs because 'he's a man and he doesn't know how to think like we do.' And that she and my FIL 'don't like what they see' happening in our family. Prior to this she's told me my return to work is 'selfish'. I've gone back because I want to and I enjoy my profession - we're OK for money at the moment from DH's job but I'm also thinking about my NI contributions, what happens to us all if something happens to him...

I think she's a.) insulting my DH (and men in general) with this attitude and b.) stepping waaaay over the mark in her criticism.

(We get on well in general but she's known for being a 'speak as I find' type.)

AIBU for feeling cross and upset?

[Nevercan]

Not at all IMO. You are entitled to go out and work if you want to and enjoy it just as much as he can. You are a team and he seems to be more flexible than you work wise so I am sure he could pitch in a bit more. It might just take him a while to get used. My DH has to be told what to do lol but is happy to do it :-)

[Wereonourway]

I'd be very annoyed. It's not mil's place to comment on your home, how dare she say she doesn't like what she sees happening!
Personally can't stand women who say its not men's place or they'd struggle with 'women's duties'. My ex's gran used to say this if I expected him to bring the washing in or Hoover around.
If you are happier back at work good for you! Your dh may have to learn to do more when he's around, I'm sure he will adjust with some gentle prodding.
Tell your mil to bugger off, it's not 1950 anymore and that you are more than capable of managing your own home and family!

[CMOTDibbler]

YANBU - its insulting to your dh for MIL to say that he's not capable of such technical tasks as putting the washing machine on or hoovering.

[MissBetseyTrotwood]

I think she's learnt this attitude as a form of self defence; they're a very old fashioned couple and she uses it as a justification of her own 'choices'. I use inverted commas because I don't think they were her own and are more likely what FIL told her was going to happen. Still doesn't give her the right to comment on our situation though.

She called me back about half an hour ago to say she 'foresees turbulence' in our lives in the 'near future.' Eh? I have no idea what she's on about.

I agree he's capable - he's more than that, he could do it brilliantly! It's not occurring to him to do it yet though, you're right. Time and a chat will do it, I'm sure.

Thanks all. Feel much better now.