I hate this :((8 Posts)
DD, 16mo, is ill. Nothing too serious-chest infection, horrid cold, feeling miserable. I am off work looking after her and feeling guilty for dropping my colleagues in it. (I'm a teacher.) I hate setting work for a cover teacher, I hate letting down my classes, I hate the catch up work I'll have to do when I go back.
DH is going to work from home tomorrow so I can go in. Where I will feel guilty for being at work instead of with my ill baby, will miss her, worry about her and probably be irritable and teach crap lessons as a result.
I'm 99% sure I'm going to quit my 'gold-dust' 2.5 day (but actually spread over 4) job and be a stay at home mum (based on more than just this illness!). I will doubtless then feel bad for not contributing to the family finances, including saving for DD's future, will miss teaching, miss the interaction with kids and colleagues, not be as good at being with DD all day as I want to be, and possibly-though I hope not-regret it.
But every day I'm at work and DD is at nursery I feel annoyed at myself that someone else is looking after her, I miss her, I worry about her and wish I was with her.
I JUST WANT TO BE RICH ENOUGH THAT I CAN BE A SAHM AND NOT HAVE TO FEEL GUILTY.
Sorry. Just needed to whinge.
If your dd is under the weather it's horrible. Everything seems ten times worse.
Don't beat yourself up. As you say, you have a fantastic half time
Job, you enjoy it, your dd is fine at nursery and you are Contributing to the family finances AND more importantly keeping your skills up to date and staying in the competitive job market.
When you're feeling a bit jaded, remember the important thing is your dd is fine! And wine helps!
Thank you-all sensible advice. I am just feeling sorry for myself and wallowing a bit-I know I need to grow a pair and be thankful!
I did 3 days a week when my DD2 was little and I empathise it is difficult and at times it feels almost impossible!! I nearly gave up lots of times, if it wasn't for my DH persuading me to give it "another month!" every time. We even fell out a few times over it as I felt he was being u3 unreasonable.
Now that my DD2 is 3 and a half it's much better - I am not saying it's easy but I don't feel as guilty and she loves her preschool nursery!! My biggest piece of advice is to take a week at a time or a month at a time, as it does feel more manageable that way!!
P/T work is sometimes the worst of both worlds, so I sympathise.
But seriously, lots of this guilt is in your head and unnecessary. I bet your DH doesn't feel guilty when he goes to work. In this climate you'd be mad to leave, got to be said.
I remember feeling like this with DS1 in particular. Five years (and 2 more children) down the line I've stopped feeling as guilty - I have several colleagues who take the piss far more with sickness of their own than I do for my children!
Also - DS1 has only missed half a day in total due to sickness and he's in year 1. Not because I'm a "give them a dose of calpol and send them in anyway" mum - it's because he's genuinely not been ill. I've no doubt part of this is luck. But I'm sure part of it is because at nursery he got exposed to so much illness and I had to stay off with him so much, that his immune system is probably really good. So it does get better I promise.
That's a wish many of us have! Believe me I have tortured myself over the years with these sort of thoughts. I was very lucky to have parents who were only in their early 50s when my dc were your dd age and they looked after them whilst I worked part time (2 days) If you feel so desperate to be with her and you can manage financially I would go for it, you will never have the time again. Teaching is something you can always go back to. A friend of mine has just gone back after 6 year break. Good luck!
Thanks for all your comments-it's nice to know I'm not alone Part of me thinks I'd be completely crazy to quit, but in all honesty it's not a very happy school and I just keep thinking that I'm being paid peanuts to be miserable at work and not spend time with DD, which definitely does seen like the worst of all worlds. If I were well paid, or actually doing 2 days a week instead of the 4 it's ended up being, or if I loved the school, then I could see a reason to stay, but at the moment I just can't. And DD being ill is just throwing it all into sharp relief!
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