I have two year old twins (just two). They go to nursery for 2 or 3 days a week, are with my DM for 2/3 days a week and are with me for 2/3 days per week, depending on the week.
My DTs have slightly different rules about everything, depending in who they're with. I think the key to them being relaxed about different care is to be so so positive at every handover, talking about the day by asking the child what he's been doing and responding to the child when the adult has filled in the blanks etc. it makes handover a really weird exchange from an adults point of view, but for the child, they are just getting lots of attention. You can discuss stuff ith the adult later if you need to. Also, is terr any chance your relatives could care for your DC at your house? It would make the locations a bit more consistant over the week?
I went back to work full time (plus a few late night from home most weeks) last year following mat leave. My son is now two and goes to a mixture of nursery and three different relatives during the week. This was a good arrangement when he was a baby but now he is turning to a cheeky, boisterous little toddler! I am sure this is normal two year old behaviour, at least I hope so!
For the time he is at nursery I am confident he is being disciplined (for want of a better word) but I am really worried that when he is with relatives and then me he has so many different rules and approaches to his behaviour. I have tried to lay down ground rules with relatives but it falls on deaf ears, I don't want to fall out with them I am just so concerned about consistency for my son :-( He gets very confused and cries at each nursery/grandma/aunt/parent changeover which is often!
I guess I know what I need to do, bite the bullet and pay for full time nursery (and offend my relatives :-(!!) but was just wondering if anyone else has any experience they can share?