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I cried at work

(18 Posts)
Albaba Tue 06-Nov-12 20:17:27

I am Mum to 13 month old twin girls. It's been a rollercoaster since I got pregnant. Following a difficult pregnancy they were born at 33 weeks. Since then both have had their difficulties. Anyway I went back to work about 2 months ago doing about 3 or 4 days a week depending on hospital appointments etc and using up holiday leave. Finding it really tough. Anyway last week I'm ashamed to say that I cried in work. Twin 1 has been having development delays and is behind in her gross motor skills. Dr phoned my mobile and floored me with talk of TTTS, bleeds in the brain and MRI scans. She has to have a MRI scan to check for bleeds on her brain and if this is the cause of her problems. After my phone call a colleague asked how I was and I'm ashamed to say I started to cry. Not just a tear but proper sobbing. I know that I bottle things up. We have been through so much with the girls. It just seems to be one thing after another. I would always just smile and pretend that I was fine if people asked how I or the girls were. So I guess all my bottled up emotions just exploded. Took a few days off work and went back today. People all seem to know about what happened and are asking me how my Daughter is. I'm in my thirties I shouldn't be crying at work surely? I'm worried that people will now think that I am weak or think less of me in work. Before I had my girls I used to hate women taking time off work for children being sick. Now I'm one of them. I always seem to be taking days off to go to some apointment or another and I feel guilty that I am not doing a good enough job in work. Work and homelife both suffering as I don't seem to able to devote enough time to either. Anyone else embarrased themselves or is it just me??

mamij Tue 06-Nov-12 20:20:16

I don't know what to say except sorry to hear about your DD. Don't worry about crying at work - it makes you more human I think. Your colleagues will understand how you feel and recognise that you need to take time off.

I hope all goes well for the scan.

RubyrooUK Tue 06-Nov-12 20:46:49

Don't feel bad.

First, your child having a scan for bleeds is not the same as your child having a cold. It is something very worrying and I would think it quire understandable if a colleague was crying at work with the stress of that. If I had cried about the cold my son has today, that would be less obviously stressful. (And I still wanted to. blush)

Second, I work for someone who is the only woman ever to have held her position in the history of her organisation. She's a terribly emotional person and often cries but everyone accepts that as her - apart from anything else, her passion and drive are what makes her good at what she does.

Third, child illnesses are part of life. My son's entire first year at nursery, he did not go a fortnight without time off. My DH and I found that very hard. Now he's two and his time off is much more infrequent. So it does get better. I never apologise for it now; I just discuss how I'm going to deal with it (work from home, work in the evenings, rearrange meetings etc). I try to let the younger women who work for me see that it's ok to admit to having a family life - which can be quite hard in our industry - and still be good at your job.

Do not waste time feeling bad. It's a hard time right now and things will improve. This is ultimately a very short period of your life. And I hope your DD's scan goes well, which is obviously much more important.

stuffitunderthebed Tue 06-Nov-12 20:55:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BlackholesAndRevelations Wed 07-Nov-12 20:14:18

I've cried at work! I'm a teacher and we've all cried at some point, haha! Maybe because it's a female environment and full of hormones? Either way it's because you're human and your daughter is unwell. I hope she's ok, and don't worry about crying at work.

AyeOopMoose Thu 08-Nov-12 17:40:57

As a rule I can't stand it when women cry at work.

However, in this situation it is fine. You are under lots of stress. People will understand.

Hope everything works out for your family.

StrawberriesTasteLikeLipsDo Thu 08-Nov-12 17:43:15

I am a frequent crier. Nothing wrong with it when you are upset you are upset! Hope all turns out well

LittleTyga Thu 08-Nov-12 17:48:49

During one of my pregnancies I began bleeding at 6 months pregnant - That was it - thought I was miscarrying! Never mind sobbing at work - I was absolutely hysterical - turned out to be an overflowing cervix or something but boy! Every time I think of that time I cringe - Don't worry about it undermining you - I didn't experience that at all - I was still able to do my job and everyone was wonderful about it : )

SageMist Thu 08-Nov-12 20:21:23

I cry at the drop of a hat sometimes. Last time, about a month ago, someone said something quite horrible to me just before a meeting, about 15 minutes in to the meeting I just burst into tears. I also cry if some says something nice to me!

Its got to the point that I pre-warn people that I am often an emotional wreck and not to take it personally if I start crying. Its bloody annoying though.

I've been like this for all my working life, over 30 years, I did hope I might grow out of it, no such luck though. I guess its just who I am.

Sorry, not much help for you. But you are not alone.

emsyj Thu 08-Nov-12 20:52:24

I used to cry at my old (v. stressful) job all the time. I once had a major sobbing fit at one of the partners, who had no idea what to do. In the end he backed slowly out of my office and shut the door.

I also cried at the last job I had before my current one - DD was unwell (just a virus, nothing serious) and I had left her with my DMum as she wasn't well enough to go to the childminder. I arrived at work, someone asked how she was and I just burst into tears.

Your DC are the most important thing here, and it sounds as though your work colleagues realise and understand this. You have been through a very stressful time (which is continuing) and a good old sob helps you feel better every now and then. Don't be ashamed, you cried because (a) it's stressful and (b) you had just received worrying and overwhelming news. It isn't a sign of weakness or incompetence, it's just a natural normal reaction to a tough time.

Oblomov Thu 08-Nov-12 21:12:56

I have cried at work. Twice. Both over very very stressful situations that had been going on for a long time, and then all of a sudden, I just couldn't keep it in.
I am not ashamed. You shouldn't be either.

littlemiss06 Mon 31-Dec-12 16:54:36

Hey your only human don't be so tough on yourself! Not only that as if having a baby isn't hard enough, you had two and premature! Being a mum of now 16 year old twins born at 32 weeks I know how exhausting it is let alone without all the issues you have going on! You know what, its ok to cry x please let us know how you get on with your little one, sending hugs from me x

dimestore Wed 02-Jan-13 18:54:26

Don't worry - we are all human and most of us have cried at work at some point. I have had both women and men sobbing because they were experiencing difficulties in their personal or working lives. Given your own very difficult circumstances, I am sure that your colleagues will understand.

When a colleague or someone I manage cries in front of me, I always reassure them that this happens to most people and not to worry about it.

No one in my current job had ever seen me cry until about two years ago, when I was under great stress and started crying. One of the people that I managed said 'X is human after all'!

scottishmummy Wed 02-Jan-13 19:14:48

1st thing,is baby ok?are you ok?
you're human you've got a lot on your plate don't sweat it
hosp is a legitimate reason to be off work.give baby hug and cut self bit of slack

DeafLeopard Wed 02-Jan-13 19:32:18

I'll hold my hands up to having cried numerous times at work.

When I first went back after mat leave, I just couldn't speak if anyone asked how my baby was.

I've cried in team meetings when something has been unfair.

I've cried when people have been kind / unkind / confrontational.

And I have had nowhere near the worries that you have.

Go easy on yourself.

motherto4 Wed 02-Jan-13 19:34:35

I have 4 kids 9, 4, 2, 7mths. I started my job when DS (4) was 6 months and found i was coping very well, rarely took days off etc. It isn't the most fantastic job but it was a very good time for me both financially (I don't mean we were rich or anything) and emotionally. I'm normally a worrier with bouts of depression. I wish i'd treasured that time. In the past year we've had problems from my DH business not working and being in piles of debt from DD being born prem and having health issues, though they aren't severe. DH also had a minor heart attack and thus had to cut maternity leave short and go back to work. Just a couple of months ago I ended up screaming at my kids during one of our stressful morning routines. I then felt down all day at work and ended up crying. I since considered going part time but have changed my mind as i feel a little better now and i'd rather be financially ok rather than stressing about bills etc.

My point is we are human beings, we're not perfect and everybody has good times and not so good times. You're not a robot and if you suffer without showing any emotions you are bottling it up.

I wish you the very best with your babies!

scottishmummy Wed 02-Jan-13 19:35:43

no one with ounce of empathy will be mean to you given circumstance
as a general I do think people should be appropriate and composed,not a serial cryer
but given the stress and circumstance it's understandable

sittinginthesun Wed 02-Jan-13 19:37:54

I am in a professional job, and I've cried loads of times. The year my Dad was ill and then died was awful. I only took two days off after he died, and had regular visits to the loo to have a sob.

Just look how much pressure you are under. Far far better to cry, than bottle it up and crack later.

Hope your LO is okay.

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