Gone back to work - children not coping - any advice please...?

[AnnaK]

I have been lucky enough to get a job as a teaching assistant and really enjoy it. However, it means I am no longer able to do the school run. I drop the children off at 8am (for half an hour) and am home around 3.55. Unfortunately, they really don't like going to the childminder in the morning and being brought home by someone else. They can't give specific reasons particularly, just don't want to.

I can't use the school childcare because 1, they were full by the time I secured my job, 2, I would have to pay full rates even though I would only use them twice a week or so (variable days) when my husband is working from home again (soon) and 3, one of the children bullying my son at school goes anyway.

I used to be a lunchtime supervisor at their school and did my TA placement there, so until now, I have always had a presence in their days. I hadn't realised how much it meant to them... (naively or stupidly). Any advice on how to handle this would be gratefully received? Thank you.

[AnnaK]

Should say they are in year 4 and year 2.

[girliefriend]

Tbh I think they just have to understand that you work and that their choice is either childminder or school club (my guess is they will choose the cm anyway!)

Its not like they are in childcare a lot and my guess is they are just having a whinge!!

[janey68]

Half an hour each end of the school day a couple of days a week is really not very long and I'm inclined to agree that they're being whiney and difficult, especially as this is the first time in their lives they haven't had mum at their beck and call.
Is the cm safe, reliable, warm and providing a comfortable environment? Because as long as the answer is yes, then I think your children are fine and are just adjusting to the fact that hey, mums have a life which doesn't revolve solely around kids! If your children were spending longer with the cm I'd add to that list 'is she providing a stimulating environment?' but frankly for such short spells of time each week it really won't matter if they chill out in front of the telly a bit.
They will adjust- just give it a little time

[annh]

It's quite a big change for them (assuming you started at the beginning of term) and not only have they had you doing drop-off and pick-up but they presumably saw you around school during the day, even if only in the distance. However, I do think that providing the childminder is caring they just need some time to adjust to the change.

[blueshoes]

I agree with the previous posts.

As a ft working mother, it would take quite a lot more before I would actually describe my children as 'not coping'. They are possibly picking up on your ambivalence and playing on your guilt.

My dd would like me to drop her off and pick her up more. I started a new job and am in the process of working my way to bit more flexibility, but for now it is tough titties for her and she will have to put up with it.

[mrsmplus3]

This is upsetting I know. I am now fulltime after being part time for 4 years and I'm more upset than my kids.
However, needs must. We have no choice just now and we HAVE to look at the positives as a family so we can all make it work.
The positives are:

1. the kids are lucky i have a job- it equals money for their cinema, clubs, shoes etc not to mention mortgage, car, food, holiday next summer.
2. I too work in a school and so the hours and holidays are great! I know other kids in care from 7.30 and then from 3pm to 5pm but again, for their mum, it's needs must.
3. It teaches your kids a work ethic. They will need to work one day.
4. You enjoy your job- that's important. Happy mum, happy children

Explain all this to them. As a family. The way we say it is we are all in it together. They need to work hard at school. We work hard at work and we all get to be together every evening, weekends and holidays. and that we are all lucky we have a home and plenty food- some people are really struggling nowadays.

[orangeberries]

I agree with the sentiments above, it is a change but one that they should get used to pretty quickly. Maybe you could work with the childminder to make going there a bit more fun or special until they get used to it.

It's always going to be hard when you are not there 24/7 but like mrsmplus3 said, the positives often greatly outweigh the negatives and it's always good for the children to understand the benefits of working anyway!!

[mrsmplus3]

Thanks orange berries!

[AnnaK]

Thanks everyone, really appreciate your responses.

I have done all the explaining about holidays and meals out etc. I think part of the problem for ds is that he being bullied by his former best friend. This never happened when I was visible as the child would never have dared and I think he is finding it really hard. Have spoken to the teacher so hopefully that will be sorted.

In the meantime: half term...

Thanks again!

[CMOTDibbler]

I'd say that the issue is that your son is being bullied, not you working. What is the school doing about it ?

[scootle]

"As a ft working mother, it would take quite a lot more before I would actually describe my children as 'not coping'. They are possibly picking up on your ambivalence and playing on your guilt."

I agree with this. My kids are always making me feel bad about working. I have realised that I am ambivalent myself and really should not be worrying about minor issues the whole time. I just say to myself 'that's the way it is because I am a working mum'. The clearer I get, the less whiney my kids seem to be. Part of your job as a parent is to help your kids to become more independent, and this kind of separation is all part of that.

But the bullying is a big issue, and I would make an appointment with the teacher to discuss this.