My daughter is just coming upto 2 and I'm starting a new full time job next week. I feel so guilty as I don't feel like I'm going to be seeing her through the week. She will be going to crèche 3 days and with my mum for the other 2 and its a 9-5 job. I just wondered if anyone else had gone full time and had any advice or tips? Other people around me have children the same age and they haven't returned to work so I feel in the wrong. So confused :/ x
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Chat with other users about all things related to working life on our Work forum.
Work
bramblina ·
18/10/2012 22:01
Mumtoava, don't feel guilty then, as it isn't an option. I believe guilt comes from something you do where you have a choice in doing it or not but it sounds like your hands are tied.
I have not worked since I had ds 7 yrs ago (self employed for 6 yrs so do paperwork in evenings) and although I would not change it for the world, I see Mums who work and they have a freshness about themselves when they are with their dcs that I don't think I have. I am exhausted and by 6pm sometimes have had enough of the whining or arguing or mess or being ignored etc etc need I say more....I have barely left my children overnight- I've been to 2 hen nights away (1 night each) and 2 weddings with dh, and when I come home to the kids all I want to do is sit with them and talk and listen, as opposed to the days when I've been here all day sometimes I feel I don't give them the attention, calmness, etc they deserve...? My dh works abroad 4-5 days a week so I am sole parenting, perhaps this increses the way I feel. I feel guilty for not cherishing every second I have with them whereas if I worked and just came home at 5.20pm I think I would be quite a different person to them. This sounds awful now writing this down, I adore my children and do cherish all that we do together but I'm just saying perhaps you should view it in a different light and make the absolute most of every minute you have with your dd and it may just be a good thing, you never know. As the previous poster said you are fortunate to have had 2 full years with her compared to most 6m mat leave. Plus, you are aware of this situation where some parents don't seem to give 2 hoots and just farm their kids out asap....give yourself a break, you're doing it for everyone's benefit and you have the option to make it a wonderful thing.
MumtoAvaQuaverx ·
18/10/2012 23:40
I'm new to this site so i'm not sure on all the little codes on here. (I'm sure i'll grasp them soon enough!!)
Thorpster - I've already started looking at places we can go away on the weekends to make up for me not seeing her as much during the weekdays and i am still going to see her in the nights. I'm knackered already just thinking about going back to work and then switching back to mummy mode!
My daughter goes to creche for one day a week and the difference in her after that one day is mad so i think she would benefit from going more often.
How long was it until you had gone back to work? x
Bramblina - Yes i agree that guilt is from want not need.
I completely understand what you mean, by early evening i'm sometimes wishing bedtime to hurry up! Even tho i love Ava to pieces i do get dragged down every day by the same routine, As i said she goes to creche once a week and after i pick her up from creche i'm so happy to see her that i do notice i act differently with her. She will love being in creche more often, i don't even get a back glance when shes through the door! It's good to see different points of view and as i've read this its actually calmed me a little and reassured me that maybe its not going to be THAT bad. So thank you x
OP posts:
mrsmplus3 ·
19/10/2012 00:06
I'm in the same position and pretty gutted but needs must. It's late just now so ill come on tomorrow to share/advise.
mrsmplus3 ·
19/10/2012 21:14
If you need to work, you need to work. I am ft now cause we need the money, bottom line. I would much rather be part time like I used to be- perfect balance.
So once you've got your head round it you should try and maximise your time with your daughter. This is what I do, for example. Get up before the kids every morning and once I've had my coffee to wake up I try and make the morning as pleasant as possible: make them all a decent breakfast, chat while I do my daughters hair, make my son a nice packed lunch with stuff he likes in it etc.
I don't go into work early and I don't stay late, i just work really hard when I'm there and often through my lunch. When I get in I collapse on the couch and just chill for a bit with my kids before homework/dinner then we chill again after dinner. Once I've done their teeth etc I read them a story (albeit half arsed cause I'm done in by that time) and kiss and hug them for about 5 mins in their bed. Other things we do to get through the week is sometimes talk about what were going to do that weekend, to give them something to look forward to. Em, that all j can think of just now. Hope it helps. As long as she's with people you trust then everything will be absolutely fine. The only person that might suffer is you do make sure you get your rest, baths, gym, whatever chills you out. One other thing we do is treat the week like we're all in it together- we all need to work hard, that's life now. Kids too, at school. If nothing else you will pass on a work ethic and that is something to be proud of.
I'm not sure if I'm advising you or trying to convince myself! 
I am still at the upset stage that I'm having to work ft 
but trying to look st the positives . My youngest is 4. And at least your daughter is going to be with granny twice a week! That's great. I always feel for the babies in nursery 5 days a week, I had to do that for a while with my son, deeply regret that. Anyway, I'm babbling now.
Take care and good luck. Just be organised and you'll be fine.
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.