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Starting to feel the panic rising.

(11 Posts)
showtunesgirl Mon 01-Oct-12 09:58:08

I RTW on the 29th October and after what was a difficult start due to a rather horrible birth and difficulty bonding until DD was about 7 months, I am now rather enjoying ML and dreading returning.

When I go back I will be working four days a week and will have Fridays off.

I have a lovely childminder with 20 years experience and 4 children of her own (youngest is 16 whom I have met and is delightful) lined up and feel that she will be safe and happy there but I am now feeling very panicky about being away from her.

How do I not spoil our last month together and just enjoy it for what it is?

bushymcbush Mon 01-Oct-12 10:20:02

First of all, it's not your 'last month together' and you need to banish that phrase from your head. You will still be 100% her mum and will still be her primary carer in terms of your overall responsibility and in real time. There are 168 hours in a week. If you work a 10 hour day that's 40 hours she will be with CM, leaving 128 hours for you. smile

I think the key to enjoying this month is acceptance of what's to come. So rationalise your reasons for RTW, accept them wholly and unreservedly. Plan how you will make the most of those 128 hours - a special Friday routine (toddler club or story time at library for eg?) and consider having a slightly later bedtime for your dd so you get plenty of quality time with her in the evening. You could even consider cosleeping as this brings you both lots of extra cuddles and closeness. I did this with dd1 when I had to return to work and I really appreciated the night time cuddles.

RTW is never as bad as you anticipate it to be anyway, so try not to build it up into this major thing that it isn't.

I hope you have a fabulous October and a rewarding RTW.

Pastabee Fri 05-Oct-12 07:52:49

Arghh showtunes I'm back the week after you 3 days a week and I also feel really sad that I won't get to spend all week with my DD who is just the most amazing company these days.

I'm planning on jumping in the bath with her when I get in from work so we can still have some playtime without pushing her bedtime back.

I've worked out what classes we can go to on my days off and made a list of places I want to take her in the run up to Christmas so we have some things to look forward to.

showtunesgirl Fri 05-Oct-12 09:13:59

Pastabee my MN sister, we've been through it all haven't we? From waiting for our DD to come, to BF woes. [wipes tear]

And bushy thanks so much. You are wise!

Pastabee Fri 05-Oct-12 12:16:45

I know. This is the next challenge! I know it makes me a slack mum who spoils her DD but I'm planning a 'treat DD' weekend when I get paid for the first time!

Are you continuing to breastfeed when you go back? After being adamant I wouldn't breastfeed after going back to work I am going to keep going. I'm giving her a carton of milk in the day and feeding her myself morning and evening so I don't have to express which is a great compromise for me. I'm hoping it will give us some cuddle time on work days.

showtunesgirl Fri 05-Oct-12 12:43:40

Yes, I'm going to keep going. DD is not taking much now though during the day so I think I'm just going to leave one expressed feed for the childminder and do the others myself. Thing is, she's going to be three weeks shy of a year when she goes so before I know it, she will be on cow's milk.

showtunesgirl Thu 11-Oct-12 10:32:34

Know what? I'm a complete idiot. I thought next week was Settling In week but it's the week after. Whilst on ML I have totally forgotten how to read a calendar / know what date it is! So I have one more week! grin

DD is on her playmat ignoring her toys and playing with an empty water bottle.

LittlePicnic Thu 11-Oct-12 21:03:32

I know how you feel- I am going back next week after 12 months off. sad
I know it will be fine in time, but worse for DC2 than me. He will be with grandma and she will take good care of him, but I feel so sad.

Thorpster Fri 12-Oct-12 10:19:08

I found it hard going back to work but some things to remember are;
-when you're together the time is so precious you never take them for granted.
-being at work can give you fulfilment in other areas of your life and stretch you mentally
-also you are allowing your DC to build bonds and trust with another person which is fundamentally what being a human is all about.

Hope this helps.

showtunesgirl Fri 12-Oct-12 10:24:34

Thanks Thorpster. I know logically that it's going to be fine. The CM she is going to is lovely. All the other mums raved about her and her other mindees are very well looked after and seem to have a good time.

But the heart is not a logical thing! Doh.

ProjectOysterdotcom Fri 12-Oct-12 15:04:24

It's definitely never as bad as you imagined, promise x

Is there any way you can make a few visits into work to get back in touch with what's going on there?

Maybe take DD in to visit all mummy's work friends?

You might feel better when you've popped in and got back into the loop.

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