How to convince DH about me going part time(14 Posts)
Need some good points about me going part time (maybe 3 day week) some time in the future.
Haven't worked out the finances exactly but I think we would be ok.....a little tight (less savings/holidays but would manage).
DH is likely to see it like this :
DD is very happy in nursery - no probs there
It's great having the few 'extras' we can afford (we went through a very tight patch some yrs ago and spent all our savings then and dh really looks to the future re security etc - I know he would hate that feeling again)
You don't get much of a discount to go 3 days in our nursery - prob would be paying 75%-80% of what we are paying now (that 'value for money' debate!!)
My main argument is that DD would benefit from being closer to me - he doesn't really 'get it'. He thinks we spend lots of quality time together mornings/evenings and weekends (which we do) and what benefit would an extra 16 hours a week make ?
Well, how about some maths for your DH -
Your DD is awake for 13 x 7 hours a week = 91 hours.
So an extra 16 hours a week with you, represents an extra 18% of her waking life with her mother.
How much is that worth in pounds and pence?
Life is just easier
No shopping at the weekend - less money spent on convenience meals/wine to destress/ work clothes
Someone can be in for deliveries/go to the post office/run your lives
He cna have a meal "ready" (IYKWIM) when he comes home
no competitive tiredness
dd is 2 soon....ttcing no. 2 right now.
Shopping I often do at lunchtime now and we both work pretty close to home so it's easy for us to take 30 mins off for things/deliveries/appts etc. Also we both cook each night. Good points but I know they won't sell it to him.
As for the 18% of dds waking time with me - is it really a massive benefit for her when she is happy and active in nursery anyway....why ? (I know I may sound thick but i'm trying to get at the reasons!!). I just *know* myself it's a good thing to do, but find it hard to quantify...
I dunno then
find dome evidence about kids being with their MUms and leave it around...
From a purely mersonary (sp?)point of view, if you are ttc no 2, would it not be better waiting until after he/she is born before you go part time. Then you would get full-time maternity pay whilst not working? Just a thought.
Wouldn't use excuse of having more things done around the house - as I use the excuse that I'm at home with DS to NOT do them. Although I can do shopping, DS makes it hard, so I try not to. Organising anything is easier to do at work when DS is not there! I think the main reason should be your relationship with your DD. Not so much that DD will benefit (because if your childcare is good enough for 3 days a week, it's probably OK for 5 days), but you will benefit from having time with her. Also you have the chance to build up friendly relationships with other mums, which is not really possible if you work full-time. I love the time I have with DS even if sometimes at the end of the day I'm completely knackered and haven't accomplished anything - I've learnt more about him, and about me as a parent. But I don't think I do anymore housework than I would otherwise!
Why can't you just be honest about why you want to do it? Even if he doesn't quite 'get it', can't he accept that it is what you want to do and would feel happiest doing? They are only young once after all....
Is money his big objection? (I can't really see what else would be a problem about it). If so, perhaps you need to do a more detailed budget and identify where the savings are going to come from. Agree with others' comments that you shouldn't use the argument of doing more housework - I make a point of NOT shopping or doing too many chores on my 'special day' with ds! Personally, I also feel that whilst I am happy for ds to be at nursery 3 days/week, I wouldn't be happy with it 5 days a week - just doesn't seem like the right balance when they are very small - very tiring, for one thing, plus I think it is nice for them to have plenty of time just 'being' at home with one to one attention.
Also, money -wise, though it will be tight for a few years (especially while you have two in nursery) it really isn't very long at all before you start to get some money back, then they go to preschool and school....and then your opportunity to spend time with them when they are very little is gone for good....
Are you desperate to do this? Personally I am much happier working 3 days - I don't know how you fulltimers and SAHMs do it - I think you both work harder than I do! You maternity leave provision would be better if you stay fulltime and by the age of three your dd will get some free nursery time anyway, making it easier to be part-timer.
Have you actually spoken to your dh about all this? I would talk to him about how much you want to do this and how important it is to you - that you miss your dd and would like to be more involved in her day to day life(if that's how you feel). I do think this has to be a joint decision for the sake of your relationship and family, but if you really want it, then I suspect he will be OK with it.
Don't know what your earnings are like but I did use the finances argument. While I was on a five day week I was into the 40% tax bracket + NI as well. While on a 4 day week I stayed in the lower band so my take home pay didn't change that much. So the 'cost' of staying at home with ds wasn't too bad.
Also because I know that ds has a really long naps in the afternoons I said I would do the cleaning and laundry. DH has never done those chores anyway so we have just stopped arguing about them. He still does most of the cooking and his share of washing up and has taken over the weekly shop in the past year as DS hates it these days.
BTW I am pregnant again so have managed to convince him that we needed a cleaner !!!!
OK I know I am lucky, but to get this far took 2 1/2 years and he wants me to go back to a 5 day week after my next lot of maternity leave, which I might have to anyway as we need a bigger house. So we will see what happens.
Sorry, have just read this message and I don't want to be seen to gloat , the point I was trying to put across is try to make some concessions (preferably for stuff that you already do) to get the shorter working week maybe do a trial of a 4-day week and see what happens next.
I used to work full time until ds was 1.5 and dd was 5 and I too thought I wasn't spending good quality time with my children. My dh's mum was a headteacher and always worked so I think it was expected of me too. I always felt the money I earned paid for child care and to keep a Range Rover on the drive. So I simply handed my notice in and sold the car and we weren't any worse off. I now work 3 days a week from home and enjoy every minute of it.
Work out where you can save the shortfall in income from (ie. less eating out, wine, designer clothes etc).
Alternatively seduce him into agreeing!!!
Why is is that some men seem to want to maximise family earning potential?
I work full-time right now and when no2 is born in the summer I want to go back to work 3 days a week - mainly because I feel I can't cope (we go away a lot at weekends - or have people to stay and although I would not want to spend my days off doing all housework I know there IS stuff I can do with children around such as the washing - DS loves helping out with sorting the washing out!)
Debbie I am interested in your financial thing. I too am 40% tax and as a result we get sod all child tax credit. Has anyone found that as a result of going part time their income has not changed too much as the tax credit goes up? I am hoping this might happen.....
I agree with Aloha. Seems like you are ambivalent yourself about wanting to go part-time. I work 3 days a week, but my DH originally wanted me to be a SAHM, which for me would have been a disaster. Working full-time would have made me feel overwhelmed and depressed, and my schedule now is perfect for me. I think you have to ask yourself a lot of questions about what it would mean to you and how happy you would be with the extra time with your DD. My 'extra time' is actually not spent with DD, but is spent running around doing errands and doing things on my own that make me a happier person.
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