Finding being a Stay at home mum hard.....Advice needed......(10 Posts)
Hi all. I have 2 children aged 6 and 8. I have worked both part time and full time since having them, my last role was very busy and stressful as a team leader managing a team of10. About a year and a half ago, after being bullied at work by my line manager, I decided to leave my job and work part time for my husband. This means I get to do school hours and get all holidays off so we have no childcare worries (neither of us have families who can help with this area). Sounds ideal, however I am really struggling. I am not spending quality time with my boys and find myself constantly yelling at them. I am not coping with constant bickering, yelling and calling mum every 5 minutes. I feel like I have lost who I am and everyday is a battle. Rather than waking up thinking, yay I get to spend all day with my lovely children, I think, here we go again, another day of it. I am also worried about money as we have all our eggs in one basket with DHs business which is only small and ticks over but we have had a few scary moments. I crave security and am not good at riding these out, driving him mad with my worry. I am seriously considering going back to work full time. but then the guilt kicks in, having to find a new childminder/afterschool clubs etc. My youngest has been very emotional lately and I am sure me stressing at him constantly is the root cause. My telling him to shhhhh every 5 minutes is not going to build his confidence. Any advice????
Ach, if you're not happy at home, why not go back to work full-time?
Breakfast and after school clubs can be perfectly nice, childminders too, and given the ages of your children, the after-school care can probably be something particularly fun for them at least some nights anyway, like a football or gym club after school.
Holiday day camps are also lots of fun, I remember signing myself up for things like tennis and trampolining weeks with the local council when I was about 9 even though my mum was at home! So don't worry about the guilt, there is no reason the children won't be happy.
Only thing is, get a cleaner too otherwise that is stress you don't need in the evenings and the weekends.
Finally, if you start a FT job and it doesn't work out, you can always leave (although probably best to give it at least a year before you do).
Whenever anyone wouldn't stop talking about how mums should always stay at home for their children, I would tell them I felt much happier when my own mum went back to work. (I can't remember exactly what age, but it's somewhere in my primary years). She was constantly yelling at us. And thinking back now, she must have been depressed as a SAHM. Don't feel guilty about it. It might be the best thing you and your family.
Thanks both. Going to have to give it a long hard think i think! Thanks for the advice
Grass is greener no matter which side of the fence you are on!
Your lot sounds difficult but manageable if you find a better way of doing things and juggling your plates. I like LCarburys answer, some really good ideas there. Might steal one or two myself! You seem to have fallen into a rut, rather than planned how to organise things is all (easy to say but seriously it doesn't sound too bad if you step back a bit) Re-think how you are presently handling or organising your days/tasks and I think it will improve greatly. Running back to working for some faceless organisation will likely as not fail to improve your lot unfortunately......you certainly will not get the good support, it sounds you are getting from your husband, until you have been there long enough.
Definitely think you should go back to work PT or FT hypermum. And not feel guilty about it. I come from the school of thinking that child rearing is more than having just one person take responsibility for everything. Really, kids will be happier if you are happier.
I know exactly where you are coming from. I work 4 days per week all year round. Lots of my friends say they want the "holy grail" of a term-time-only job.
But a term-time-only job wouldn't be the "holy grail" for me! I couldn't bear having 6 weeks at home with DC in the summer plus all the other holidays too. I would go mental.
I use holiday clubs and tennis camp in the summer and the DC love them. We're all happy. I think some good childcare benefits children of this age. We also have fun family time on my day off, annual leave and at weekends.
Best of luck if you do look for work.
How are you doing? I realised you posted in the middle of the school hols so maybe that was making things feel worse or intensifying the stress?
My advice (for what its worth!) is to treat the new school term as a new year and make a plan, I find the more difficult the children are the more I seperate myself from them and try and get on with other things and therefore the more demanding they are. I would try to plan work time (inc house work) and children time, that golden 'quality time' - I find it easier if I have a plan, have a look around and think about what work you'd want to do and whats available, write a CV too and check out possible childcare options, also focus on any lovely time you have with your children, don't lose sight of what a good job you are doing.
If you do decide to go back to work, try not to feel guilty - as others have said happy parents, happy children. I worried about ds in breakfast club from 7.45am, he loves it, reason why... he gets to play on the wii before the bigger children get there (and thats exciting because we don't have anything like that at the moment), its funny but knowing little things like that make it easier.
Mine are similar ages, 6 and 8, and I work FT and not with my husband otherwise I would go bonkers! My children are surprisingly adaptable, and like after-school club although I only use it a couple of times a week and I do have a flexible working arrangement. I wouldn't feel guilty, I'd find a way to stop shouting and start enjoying yourself with them, that might mean getting out of what is turning out to be a claustrophobic situation for you (although you may get on very well with your husband working, I couldn't manage it!)
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