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Anyone gone back to work and found it too difficult to adjust?

(15 Posts)
lollymom Thu 30-Jun-11 16:41:19

Back to work 4 days a week on Monday. I feel overwhelmingly sad and convinced I will want to hand my notice in and just do a few days a week of supply (teaching) instead. However, for the sake of money, this would not be wise.

So My question is...anyone gone back to work and found it too difficult to adjust?

Mumelie Thu 30-Jun-11 19:15:41

Dont know yet - back to work Monday myself sad smile confused not sure how I feel really. Excited to be out of the house, sad at loss of freedom, loving nice clothes again, mising my comfy jeans and trainers, looking forward to the challenge though.

MovingAndScared Fri 01-Jul-11 09:33:25

Hi - give it a bit of time - how old are your DC (s)?
I went back to work 4 days a week intially and cut down to 3 days which I found worked better so maybe thats an option?

lollymom Fri 01-Jul-11 12:15:47

I have one DS who is 7 months next week. 3 days isn't an option at my current workplace so i'd have to either hold out for a post that comes up (which would be xmas at the earliest) or give up my job in Oct and temp until something comes up. I do have options I guess, in the longer term, I just feel so upset about leaving him all day for days on end sad

anniemac Sun 03-Jul-11 00:40:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mumelie Sun 03-Jul-11 10:21:10

Good luck tomorrow lollymom

lollymom Mon 25-Jul-11 15:54:27

Mumelie, Thank you for the luck! How is your return to work going?
I'm doing ok, but would really like to do 3 days so am on the look out for a 3 day a week post that is closer to home.

Thank you for the advice, movingandscared & anniemac. You are right about giving it time. I was all set to hand in my notice the moment I got back but it hasn't been as unbearable as I had initially feared. I have the summer holidays now though, so the real test will be in September :S.

gourd Wed 27-Jul-11 13:06:03

Hmm, well I have been back at work full time for 3.5 weeks now and whilst I have become more resigned to hardly seeing my daughter, I'm still not happy with it, so I think the giving it time thing isn't necessarily true. I am exhausted of course, but I expected that and we have an established routine which means time management is very good so I can cope pyhsically and logistically (shopping done at weekend or done by partner when I am bf-ing LO to sleep, I don't cook at all during the week, only at weekends for freezer, we put away laundry, tidy/wash up from evening meal and get LO's and my own food and clothes ready for next day once LO is in bed etc.. Everything at hoime still gets done, though not all at once. We don't watch TV. So, the real problem is really the same issue I had when I first came back - missing so much of my baby's fast development and lack of time with her. That feeling of utter sadness hasn't gone away no matter how much I pretend that everything's fine and no matter how much people say how well I'm coping. I am not coping! On the inside I am dead now. I have a nothing job. I am wondering now why I had a baby after ten years of wanting, as I hardly see her. Don't other people feel like this? Maybe it is just me afterall.

EarlyyearsChildcare Wed 27-Jul-11 21:40:25

Oh gourd you poor thing, I so feel for you.
I know exactly how you feel, I had to return to my job when my baby was young because I earn more than my husband. I used to wake at night to breastfeed her and every time I put her down I started to wretch and be sick with worry about returning to work.
I lasted 7 weeks and two were half term. I just couldn't do it even though I knew I could eventually surpress the absolute feeling of panic and anxiety I was experiencing. I just needed to be at home.
My work colleagues crucified me, my head teacher was furious and said I had to pay back some of my maternity leave pay. I couldn't afford to do this so I ended up marking student work for free for months and months to pay it off.
Two years on as a family we are financially crippled, I teach at a college in evenings when my hubby is home, I mark coursework, I registered as a childminder. We still are up to our eyes in debt and getting into a further hole.
My husband has retrained to try to earn more money- but lost his job and has had to take a lower salary than before.

You have to do what works for you, I wouldn't change being at home for anything, but I wouldn't wish the poverty we are experiencing on my worst enemy.

Cupcakeaddict Wed 27-Jul-11 22:30:19

Oh Gourd, no it is not just you! :-( I'm not even back yet, and I feel just like you. I have a great job, and everybody reminds me of this. I too earn more than my husband, so I can't stay at home either. I feel I should be grateful in the current climate that I have a job to go back to, but instead I cry several times a day and feel empty most of the time, trying to think of anything that I could do not to go back to my job. It is not the direction I wanted my career to take, which makes it even harder to accept, because I am going to work all hours for a career I can't imagine myself in. If at least I liked the job, it would be easier. My colleagues haven't got children and are career driven. I have only seen them a few times since being on mat leave but each time I felt they resented me for taking time out. I know they will make my life hard (I am very junior and how long I spend in the office mainly depends on the work they give me...) and I don't think I will cope. It's very likely that I will only see my baby between 6 and 7am :-( Earlyyears, your perspective is very interesting, because it would be the situation we would be in if I packed it all in. I couldn't have describe the feeling better that you have Gourd, I am feeling dead inside.

tethersend Wed 27-Jul-11 22:36:03

Teaching is hard- essentially I felt like I was handing my child over to someone else whilst I went and spent the day with other peoples' children confused

Are you primary or secondary? Do you have any responsibilities (HoD HoY, etc)?

EarlyyearsChildcare Thu 28-Jul-11 20:15:06

I was at secondary and hod. I worked in a difficult area and realise that I did a lot above and beyond. I guess I mothered a lot of the children as some had miserable lives.
I know what you mean about looking after other peoples' children and not your own.
Money might not make you happy, but not having it certainly makes you unhappy.
Here's to Saturday's lottery.

smellimelli Sun 31-Jul-11 21:32:43

Gourd and Earlyyears- thanks for your posts. I am due to return in Oct and am feeling as you describe. Everyday I am in tears about the though of leaving LO and don't know how I will cope but know I have little choice as I am the main bread winner. I am having sleepless nights and anxiety attacks. The worst part is we can afford for me to return pt but my HT won't allow it.

I really understand what you both say- the terrible sadness at missing LO and the need to earn enough financially. What a choice :-(

Portofino Sun 31-Jul-11 21:39:51

I found the THOUGHT of going back to work much harder than the reality. I didn't want to go back at all, but didn;t really have a choice. I found the first couple of weeks quite hard and built a dd shrine of pictures around my desk blush but generally it was fine.

Adult conversation, peaceful coffee and toilet breaks. Heck, we even went to the pub on Friday lunchtimes (probably not advisable for teachers wink) And dd was settled and happy in the nursery. The hardest thing was the run of bugs that she got - so in the first year I seemed to be endlessly running out of meetings to collect her. My boss got a bit hmm She has mostly been very healthy ever since though (now 7).

lollymom Mon 22-Aug-11 13:49:50

A delayed response to this thread, I know but I just wanted to say Gourd, you are definitely not alone with that feeling. Also, I was interested to know, now more time has passed, do you still feel so sad? I hope for your sake that you don't x

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