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Feeling guilty about my new job

(4 Posts)
calp84 Mon 06-Jun-11 10:58:55

Hi

This is my first ever post on here! Ive always heard that you can get such good advice on here from some lovely people, so I thought I would give it a go.

Ive just got myself a new job working with children with learning difficulties (I've not started yet). As a Open University psychology student, the work experience is going to be fantastic! However, I now feel so guilty knowing that im going to have to leave my son. He is 20 mnths old and I have spent all my time with him since having him (apart from the obvious nights out and when he's stayed with his nan and grandad etc etc). I never returned to work after my mat. leave as my partner earns good money so we thought we would be ok financially. But now we are moving house and we really need some extra income. The only option would be for me to return to work. My son would be staying with his nan/grandad/auntie when I would have to work but I just cant shake the guilt im feeling. I have a horrible feeling that he's going to grow up thinking I abandoned him. (I'm also currently doing child development in my degree so think I may be looking at some of the stuff im reading a bit to closely and relating it to myself!!)

I really just dont know what to do and im actually considering not taking up my new job. If anyone has had an similar experiences or just some general advice, it would be much appreciated!

Thanks
x

MrsLadywoman Mon 06-Jun-11 15:48:19

Don't beat yourself up about this. There are millions of women in the same position as you and we all have to cope with the reality of being a mum in the modern world - ie, most of us need 2 incomes to support our families. The fact that you are obviously so concerned about leaving your son is proof that you have his welfare at heart and although it will be tough leaving him and you will worry about how he is doing, I am sure you will do a great job of making sure that he is well looked after and in the hands of someone who will do a great job of caring for him.

My advice - for what it's worth - is that you take the job and see how it goes. If you find that you can't cope with leaving him with your relatives, then quit the job and go back to being at home with him.

And talk about your worries with whoever will be looking after him, so they know how insecure you are about the whole thing and won't feel you are pestering them when you keep ringing to see how he is! In these cases, I think mum needs a lot of understanding and reassurance about the changed situation, just as baby does.

He won't grow up feeling that he abandoned you. Believe me. It's not the hard situations that life throws at us that make kids resent their parents (marital break up, loss of job, inability to pay for things, working mothers, etc etc), it's the way that they are handled. And if you handle it as best you can, with respect for your son's welfare and happiness, he will grow up understanding that the decision you made to go back to work was based on your belief that it was the right thing to do. And I think that's a very valuable lesson for a child to learn.

LaCiccolina Thu 09-Jun-11 18:37:26

My mum worked all my life. I dont remember what happened much before the age of 5, when our holidays are my earliest memories where my mum played a large part(!). And now at 34 I dont hold any grudges for her working. I possibly hold more for her refusing to allow me to catch the bus when I was 14 from school to home and coming to pick me up instead. (so not cool!)

Books are great but really they dont cover everything. Give it a go. See how you feel. If it feels ok stay....if not then rethink as a family. Good luck!!!

MovingAndScared Thu 09-Jun-11 18:58:26

Hi - how many hours are you working - I found personally part time worked for me - but I do think the decesion to work is what is best for the family as a whole - and as you say it is good for your career, and enable you to have, I assume a nicer home, for your child - I don't think provided that care is good and that you have a reasonable amount of time with your son - eg bedtimes, weekends that it will unduly affect him

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