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Tell me it gets easier!

(7 Posts)
Anifersgirl Fri 19-Nov-10 15:42:34

I’ve just returned back to work this week, leaving my darling 3mth old daughter at home and I need someone to tell me it gets easier!

Because I earn quite a bit more than my husband, we agreed when I was pregnant that I’d take the first three months off, and then he’d take a three month sabbatical and stay home with her, before her starting nursery at 6 months. It seemed ideal – we’d both get to spend time with her and I wouldn’t feel guilty about going back to work as I’d know she was at home in safe hands.

But this week has just been hell! We’re utterly blessed to have an angel baby – she sleeps through the night, she rarely cries, she’s just generally smiley and content all the time and every day when I leave her it feels like my heart is breaking. I always considered myself a tough, no nonsense type but I’ve wept every day as I’ve driven to work, had to fight back the tears during the day, and spend the evening sitting in the nursery, looking at her sleep and crying. I feel like a pathetic wretch, especially considering these are the first tears I’ve had since she’s been born really.

And I feel like milk vending machine: I leap out of bed in the morning to feed her, then once she’s had her fill I’m off to work, then when I walk in the door at night I’m handed a cranky, tired and hungry baby, and have to just whip out a boob and feed her, until she falls off, asleep and then that’s it until the next morning. Not to mention having to disappear from my desk ever few hours to express…

I’m finding myself resenting my husband for being with her and getting all of her smiles, resenting my job (which I love) for keeping me from her, and just hating the whole human race because I’m so unhappy. I’ve basically gone from three months of bliss to utter despair.

So – does it get better? Is it just because it’s the first week, or is this just the way it’s going to be from now on and I need to pull myself together and get used to it?


cea Fri 19-Nov-10 15:47:07

Hang in does get lots better. I returned to work after 5 months at home, and did lots of crying on aeroplanes, in loos in the office, on the tube etc, but after a while it got better, and I started to really enjoy both the time at work, and the time at home. My baby is now 5 and at school, and we are as close a family as you could imagine, and I still love my job.

cea Fri 19-Nov-10 15:47:40

and my husband!

HaveToWearHeels Fri 19-Nov-10 15:57:12

Oh dear, I really feel for you, it must be so hard. I was due back to work when DD was 6 months old (march this year) but at Christmas when she was 3.5 months I decided to have another 3 months (I know I was very lucky, came back to work in July). I just can't imagine having to leave DD ta three months. You are probably still a little hormonal especially as you are breast feeding. BUT IT DOES GET BETTER. As she gets older she will but awake longer and you will treasure that time from when you get in until they go to bed and you will fall into a routine. Take comfort in the fact you are leaving your precious DD with her Daddy and not a child minder. My childminder had a baby from 3 months and it just broke my hearf, but Mum had a high powered job and said she was "Ready" to go back !

MrsMoosickle Tue 23-Nov-10 21:26:42

I would agree that it gets easier too. I had 5 months off and during most of that time wrestled with going back and not going back. Nightmare. Once I made the final decision I felt a bit more focused but honestly, the first 6 weeks at work were very very hard.

like you I was BF and so expresing at work ( grim!) then watching the clock to bolt home to DD and then start again the next day! Awful. Cried at home, in the car, if I saw another baby and Mummy during the day and generally achieved nothing very little at work in those weeks.

Now though, still miss her, but feel I have it all in better context and actually enjoy the part I play at work as well as at home.

I still want to be with her all the time, but set myself small time goals. This next goal is to get my car paid off and then take a view about dropping a day.

Best of luck and hang in there.

bigchris Tue 23-Nov-10 21:32:19

When she's six months will both you and dh be working full time? Could you work part time? Could you use annual leave to drop a day a week for the next three months?
Yes you could soldier on and hope you feel better but as someone else said you're hormonal, you only had her three months ago. It might be better to change things rather than soldier through it.

twolittlekings Tue 23-Nov-10 21:37:29

OMG you went back after 3 months - I don't mean to step out of line but that's hardly enough time to get your emotions out the drain never mind do anything else.
It will get easier but don't be too hard on yourself. I went back full time after 7 months and then 13 months respectively and at three months I certainly had not even got out of my dressing gown for baby no 1 so don;t be too hard on yourself since I take my hat off to you!

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