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Do you tell people your child is considered G&T?

(105 Posts)
Northernlurker Tue 02-Jun-09 10:57:01

Becauyse dh and I don't. We are very proud of dd1 of course and try to encourage her as much as we can without being pushy. All our daughters are amazing - we don't need the G&T label to know that! I just don't feel the need to tell people - and I couldn't in any case find the words to do so without sounding boastful!

Part of me thinks that maybe I should be more publicly effusive about it though - what do others do?

ramonaquimby Tue 02-Jun-09 11:05:23

I'd be very proud! I think the British are quite funny about this and don't share this sort of info, even if they are good friends. Almost as if it's a threatening or boastful thing to say. And depends on how it's said. If it came up in conversation I'd certainly mention it but not as a 'by the way, dd is g&t in xyz, did I mention that?'

I'd be matter of fact - (it IS a fact) and not be embarrassed (no that's the wrong word,not sure what the word is...)

am sure lots of parents feel this way. dd isn't g&t but is in all top sets (programme starts in Year 3 which is a bit hmm ) and is extremely smart. I can say this objectively, honestly!

Smart isnt' seen as a good thing to be, certainly not in the media, it's all about who you shag or what team you play for unfortunately.

morningpaper Tue 02-Jun-09 11:07:58

I can't think when it would come up in conversation TBH

Northernlurker Tue 02-Jun-09 11:13:42

MP - the reason I'm thinking about is because she's been invited to a summer school and I know people will ask me what I'm doing with them over the summer (as I work). Therefore I will either have to say and risk sounding boastful or i'll just need to omit to mention it. I've been taking the latter course mostly but part of me thinks 'why should I'.

Northernlurker Tue 02-Jun-09 11:14:37

Oh and ramon - i know what you mean 'embarassed' isn't the right word but i'm not sure what is! Maybe 'diffident'?

ramonaquimby Tue 02-Jun-09 11:15:51

but it's not boastful! if people interpret it as that, let them.

I agree, why should you?

Say, oh she's going to xyz camp at such and such a place. And if they ask questions about it, then just answer them as they come up.

morningpaper Tue 02-Jun-09 11:16:02

Ha that's funny becuase I remember a friend of mine saying about her DD "Oh she's been sent to a G&T summer camp..." and I remember thinking "Why not just say summer camp?"

So Why not just say summer camp? grin

GeneHunt Tue 02-Jun-09 11:16:13

It isn't a subject I would ever raise myself but I have been in the uncomfortable position of having my ds's intellect discussed outside the classroom. It does nothing but put people's backs up.

In my case, another mum was a stand-in teaching assistant and came out of school telling all and sundry that my ds was a genius. I'm fairly sure that he isn't, just very able academically. I am now shunned.

My advice, be proud but keep it to yourself.

hullygully Tue 02-Jun-09 11:17:05

It depends if you want people thinking you're a smug git or not. And they will.

ramonaquimby Tue 02-Jun-09 11:20:26

parents talk and gossip about all sorts of shite, don't they. these are the same mums who would rifle through a school bag on a playdate to gauge where their child is in the class.

ramonaquimby Tue 02-Jun-09 11:21:57

you see - just from this thread you've had 2 people saying keep it to yourself. Are you the sort of person who would be worried about being shunned at the playground? They aren't the sort of people I'd want to be friendly with if that's the case (not the posters who said it, that's not what I mean!)

ramonaquimby Tue 02-Jun-09 11:22:22

right, I need to go and enjoy the sunshine or get some work done!!!!!

juuule Tue 02-Jun-09 11:24:03

No I don't because I don't see the point.
I'm just relieved that they seem to be doing well and that's what counts. I intervene if they appear to be having problems with something. That's true whether identified G&T or not.

Tbh I don't think I 'get' the whole g&t thing.

ingles2 Tue 02-Jun-09 11:25:03

Doesn't make any difference if you brag or not imo....
All the dc's know who is G&T anyway.
Ds1 is considered G&T at maths, so are his 2 BF's, they brag amongst themselves that they are cleverer than their mates.
9 yr old boys are not known for their diffidence smile

Rubyrubyruby Tue 02-Jun-09 11:26:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

juuule Tue 02-Jun-09 11:27:23

As regards the summer camp thing, we just said it was a trip that had been put on from school. Only went into more detail if asked more questions about it. No need to keep it secret.

LadyGlencoraPalliser Tue 02-Jun-09 11:27:41

All my children are on the G&T register. So are all their friends. It seems to be a fairly inclusive club. I don't see it as something to boast about really - my children are no brighter than their friends.

juuule Tue 02-Jun-09 11:32:02

Now you see, I have no idea who is g&t of my children's friends. My children don't mention anything and I've not asked (perhaps I should). I would only ask if I was looking for someone for them to go along to one of the events with and as they generally opt not to go on the events then the need doesn't arise.

DadAtLarge Tue 02-Jun-09 11:33:21

"Smart isnt' seen as a good thing to be, certainly not in the media, it's all about who you shag or what team you play for unfortunately."
Sad, but true.

A few parents in my DS's class volunteer to help in the class so they know what DS is capable of. And the word gets around. They often refer to how clever he is and we play it down, we never raise the subject of intelligence or who can do what.

However, with relatives and friends who come over, we don't play coy. We let him help his grandad with the difficult Sudokus. We let him assist older cousins with their maths homework. And - some here may not like it - we let him demonstrate his mental gymastics with numbers. All children like to show off their abilities and if we encourage and praise the others for a nursery rhyme they've sung, a handstand or keepy-uppy with a football it seems petty to tell DS he can't show his talent just because it's something most adults can't do.

Dumbledoresgirl Tue 02-Jun-09 11:35:46

It does come up in conversation though. My ds2 recently took his KS2 SATs. A friend of mine whose son is in the same class as ds2 came for coffee one day during the week and was saying how anxious her son was and how much she the mother wanted the week over with. She asked me how ds2 was finding it. What do I say? Ds2 was tested in Maths in Year 4 and got a level 5 then. In recent practice tests, he got 100% for Maths. Is he stressed or anxious about his SATs? No, he enjoyed the challenge, his only anxiety was that he might not get 100% in Maths again, an anxiety I told him not to bother with since he won't find out his percentage anyway. Now, this friend actually knows ds2 is G&T, she even knew (through her son, not me!) that ds2 got 100% in the practice test. But she was making conversation and I had to respond sympathetically. The fact that 3 of my 4 children are registered G&T and the fourth will be too when he is old enough is not something I regularly tell people, but of course it comes up in conversation from time to time.

It annoys me actually that we are so diffident about this. I wonder how long before someone comes onto this thread and scoffs at it. Other Special Needs are talked about without being scoffed at and it would be nice if we could do the same re G&T children.

Overmydeadbody Tue 02-Jun-09 11:38:39

I don't say "DS if gifted and telaented", I can't think how that would come up naturally in conversation and it would sound boastful or just a little silly really. If someone where to ask directly whether he was on the G&T register at school I would say yes, obviously.

I will happily tell people the things DS is good at though, if they where interested and the conversation naturally went that way, but I don't go out of my way to bring it up with people and wouldn't blurt it out to other parents, especially as a comparrison with their children, but I am proud of what he can do and he knows that.

juuule Tue 02-Jun-09 11:41:11

I'm probably the same as OMDB. I can't really see how it could come up in conversation unless someone was making a direct enquiry.

Fennel Tue 02-Jun-09 11:42:34

My personal Reasons to be Diffident on such matters:

(our school doesn't do G&T, or not openly, but I have one child who would be in that category and two who wouldn't be);

1. With one highly academic child, and two who aren't, in a wider family of academic high-flyers, I don't want the less academic ones to feel inadequate in any way.

2. I grew up in a family which valued academic success above most other things, I don't think that's healthy, of course it's nice if they are bright but there are so many other more important values to promote.

3. I know too many people who were late starters and ended up very successful, or were "bright" small children and ended up fairly average, so I think it's important that children don't get an idea that they are Clever or Stupid from a young age.

Dumbledoresgirl Tue 02-Jun-09 11:43:17

Oh I see what you mean OMDB, no, I don't use the phrase G&T to describe any of my children. But in a situation such as the SATs when a parent is saying her child is struggling with something and asks me how my child is finding it, I don't feel the need to pretend that he/she is also struggling.

morningpaper Tue 02-Jun-09 11:43:47

G&T is not a "special need"

that is like saying being Grade 10 piano is a special need

It is hardly a trial

DG Why can't you answer honestly? "How is he finding it?" "Oh he rather likes tests to be honest! Another cup of tea?" It's not unsympathetic. I don't see why you have to say anything else though?

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