Does anyone elses kid like making friends with adults?

[RoboJesus]

Particularly childless adults. I guess its because they don't treat them like children. It's kind of an odd situation and I couldn't imagine myself doing it as a child. But I guess gifted children do often have more in common with an adult than someone their own age?

[FissionChips]

I knew it would be you!

The two genius children I have known have great relationships with other children, just as they should.

[RoboJesus]

I don't think you understood the question...

[FissionChips]

Oops, perhaps you ought to get your university level 4 year old to explain it to me... .

[RoboJesus]

It's not that hard to get

[FissionChips]

Well, I don’t understand what was wrong with my reply so please edumacate me . What was wrong with it?

[catmum94]

@FissionChips when I first read this thread I was like why is that person being so rude but I've just hunted down OPs previous threads and well.. 😂😂

[FissionChips]

I wasn’t even meaning to be rude with my first post, was genuinely giving my experiences of the only two genius children I’ve known.

[Rebecca36]

Yes I've known it. They talk about 'important' issues and geeky stuff. Sometimes shared a common interest. They did have friends in their own age group too.

Looking back, I was a bit like that as a child and teenager.

[Armchairanarchist]

I knew it'd be you!

[scrivette]

DS1 does this... He is far from being gifted poor child 😆

[Zoflorabore]

Ds (15) does this. He's adopted a fellow football supporter as a godmother as they get on so great, she's an old family friend.

They have the most wonderful friendship.
He has AS and is a very gifted artist.

[sirfredfredgeorge]

Kids of all abilities often make friends with adults or other children of significantly different ages. This is because these people will make huge allowances for the kid and pander to them in a way that peers won't, whether that's talking about ancient Sumerian translations or laughing at the word poo for the 300th time.

And no, gifted pre-pubescent children do not have more in common with an adult than their peers, the main things that define adulthood are things that a child cannot have experience of, or even grasp until after puberty.

[TintarellaDiLuna]

Kids of all abilities often make friends with adults or other children of significantly different ages. This is because these people will make huge allowances for the kid and pander to them in a way that peers won't, whether that's talking about ancient Sumerian translations or laughing at the word poo for the 300th time.

Certainly the case in our experience. Both my kids struggle with friendship dynamics. Adults are easier, as they relent more readily.

[Unescorted]

DS has adult friends because he sees no difference between an adult and a child. Nothing to do with giftedness just an assumption that everybody will be interested in bikes and adventures.

[JustRichmal]

The ability to form friendships with their own peer group does not come easily to all children. It is a form of skill which is often more pronounced as lacking in children who are ahead in other areas, where it is often assumed they will be good at everything.

I have known children who are very socially intelligent, who mix equally with adults and children, but who were not advanced academically.

There is lots that can be done to help a child who may have difficulty socialising in their own peer group, like letting them mix with children their own age with just an adult to keep an eye and allowing them to mix on their own terms. If these are not skills they have formed prior to reception, then being in a reception class is the best place for them. If the problem persists, then assessments such as for ASD could be the next step.

[sparepantsandtoothbrush]

Children like making friends with anyone who will speak to them surely? My DS used to sit chatting to adults regularly when he was younger. Now he's a teen he barely speaks to anyone he doesn't have to speak to.

Why would befriending adults be a sign of a gifted child? (And of course you'll ignore my question as that's what you do)

[LisaSimpsonsbff]

I agree that this is more likely to be a sign of a child who struggles socially with their peers than a sign of great intelligence per se. When I was at primary school there was a boy who was absolutely lovely but not very academically able and he was adamant that his best friend was the school groundskeeper because he'd let him watch him mow and talk to him about gardening which he just loved. Thinking back that relationship now sounds so unacceptable but I'm certain it was innocent and really nice! But the point is that the adult saw - and indulged - a sweet and quirky little boy whereas his peers saw a 'weirdo', so of course he preferred the adult. I don't think it meant they were really on a level - I don't think the groundsman really thought his best friend was an eight year old!

[Goingonandonandon]

I agree with Lisa - it's true for children of different abilities, it also happens to children with SEN. They might struggle to make friends with their peers because they play differently, but adults will make huge allowances for the child, play their way, follow their rules, go at their speed. When socialising with children their own age, children (gifted or not) will have to blend in the group better, follow other children's rules and games. That's where my DS struggled, as he stubbornly wants to play his own way. He started making friends in year3, when he became a bit more flexible, and now at Secondary school he has made loads of friends who have more in common with him. Geeks do tend to find each other!!!

[Rach000]

My 3 year is best mates with our 60+ year old neighbour. She goes over to her and talks to her for ages sometimes. Haha. Don't think it's because she is gifted, but she is pretty clever for her age I guess. She likes the attention and biscuits, also her dogs... Think she see her as a grandma even though she has grandparents she see a lot.

[Love51]

I used to prefer the dinner ladies to some of the other kids when I was in lower school. I was fairly bright but found most other kids annoying and frustrating when the insisted on being wrong and not bowing to my superior knowledge. The dinner ladies probably thought I was a pita. I was a polite, bright and very well read 8 year old, and didn't quite have the emotional maturity I thought I did.

[Ohyesiam]

Dd did this. She’s top set kind of bright, but not a genius. Mostly she did it because adults give a much better quality of attention than a child, or that’s what it looked like to me.

[Madratlady]

From your posts it sounds like that your child is an only child so probably around adults a lot. You also appear to think your child is superior to ‘normal’ children of their age which they’ll be picking up on. I know plenty of (perfectly average) children, my own included who are as happy chatting to adults as their peers, so I don’t think it’s anything unusual. If your child prefers the company of adults to children then I’d say that their social skills are lacking and they struggle to interact with their peers.

[user789653241]

If you really think your 4/5 years old can form a truly equal relationship with adult, I don't think you will never get great responce here, because I think it's just not very common.
Yes, children who have social difficulty prefer relationship with older children/adults, but it's only because it's easier for them, rather than they have things in common.

[Iwasjustabouttosaythat]

If you look up a list of traits of gifted children you will find “preference for adult conversation”. It’s always on there.

OP, I think you need to have a name change. People aren’t going to give you the time of day now. I think you need to engage a bit more in conversation if you’re asking questions relating to your child. There are some truly pathetic people who frequent the G&T boards but there are some lovely and helpful ones too. I think you have even alienated the lovely ones by being so short with everyone. And you’re not doing you son any favours by perpetuating the myths about gifted children and their parents.

On the other hand, OP has said her son is profoundly gifted (though there was no reference to any professional assessment). If he really is profoundly gifted there’s no point doing the old, “ I know a bright child and they’re nothing like you describe”. Very, very few people here will have ever spent any reasonable amount of time with a PG child. Don’t pretend you understand because you really don’t. Neither do I but at least I take the time to read up on it.

[user789653241]

Iwasjustabout, I am aware of that characteristic of gifted children. But is it really because they have things in common?
A lot of people here have experience of that too, but maybe not to the degree of OP's dc.

My ds does martial arts in adult class. He doesn't have anyone matches his ability in his age group. Yet if the people in his class fight with him with full ability, he will not have the chance. He can practice well because they fight with him with a bit of consideration about his capabilities and size.

What I mean is, they say they prefer adult convo, but are they willing to listen too? Not just talk about their interest? Can they cope if the adult disagreed or ignored the child?
I do think they are capable of having a convo with adults. But not without adults compromising. At one stage, my ds became selective mute, because he couldn't have convo with other children, while he was having verbal diarrhea at home about numbers. It's not really sharing something in common. I was accomodating his needs by listening, but children in his nursery weren't. Eventually he learned that relationship works both way, not just doing what he wants, but tolerating others, showing interest to other people.
Unless OP's child has emotional intelligence as well as academic intelligence, learning few social skills while he is young would help her child in the long run.

As for namechange, I doubt it will help, unless she changes the way she posts. I can tell last few namechanges by OP. It's always the same scenario, no matter how many name changes.