Advanced search

Does anyone elses kid like making friends with adults?

(86 Posts)
RoboJesus Sat 27-Oct-18 00:18:36

Particularly childless adults. I guess its because they don't treat them like children. It's kind of an odd situation and I couldn't imagine myself doing it as a child. But I guess gifted children do often have more in common with an adult than someone their own age?

FissionChips Sat 27-Oct-18 00:23:00

I knew it would be you!grin

The two genius children I have known have great relationships with other children, just as they should.

RoboJesus Sat 27-Oct-18 00:29:45

I don't think you understood the question...

FissionChips Sat 27-Oct-18 00:38:33

Oops, perhaps you ought to get your university level 4 year old to explain it to me... . blush

RoboJesus Sat 27-Oct-18 00:58:51

It's not that hard to get

FissionChips Sat 27-Oct-18 01:04:45

Well, I don’t understand what was wrong with my reply so please edumacate me smile. What was wrong with it?

catmum94 Sat 27-Oct-18 01:26:23

@FissionChips when I first read this thread I was like why is that person being so rude but I've just hunted down OPs previous threads and well.. 😂😂

FissionChips Sat 27-Oct-18 01:34:57

grin I wasn’t even meaning to be rude with my first post, was genuinely giving my experiences of the only two genius children I’ve known.

Rebecca36 Sat 27-Oct-18 02:30:39

Yes I've known it. They talk about 'important' issues and geeky stuff. Sometimes shared a common interest. They did have friends in their own age group too.

Looking back, I was a bit like that as a child and teenager.

Armchairanarchist Sat 27-Oct-18 02:50:52

I knew it'd be you!

scrivette Sat 27-Oct-18 04:42:45

DS1 does this... He is far from being gifted poor child 😆

Zoflorabore Sat 27-Oct-18 04:45:21

Ds (15) does this. He's adopted a fellow football supporter as a godmother as they get on so great, she's an old family friend.

They have the most wonderful friendship.
He has AS and is a very gifted artist.

sirfredfredgeorge Sat 27-Oct-18 08:33:16

Kids of all abilities often make friends with adults or other children of significantly different ages. This is because these people will make huge allowances for the kid and pander to them in a way that peers won't, whether that's talking about ancient Sumerian translations or laughing at the word poo for the 300th time.

And no, gifted pre-pubescent children do not have more in common with an adult than their peers, the main things that define adulthood are things that a child cannot have experience of, or even grasp until after puberty.

TintarellaDiLuna Sat 27-Oct-18 08:38:58

Kids of all abilities often make friends with adults or other children of significantly different ages. This is because these people will make huge allowances for the kid and pander to them in a way that peers won't, whether that's talking about ancient Sumerian translations or laughing at the word poo for the 300th time.

Certainly the case in our experience. Both my kids struggle with friendship dynamics. Adults are easier, as they relent more readily.

Unescorted Sat 27-Oct-18 08:44:07

DS has adult friends because he sees no difference between an adult and a child. Nothing to do with giftedness just an assumption that everybody will be interested in bikes and adventures.

JustRichmal Sat 27-Oct-18 10:21:37

The ability to form friendships with their own peer group does not come easily to all children. It is a form of skill which is often more pronounced as lacking in children who are ahead in other areas, where it is often assumed they will be good at everything.

I have known children who are very socially intelligent, who mix equally with adults and children, but who were not advanced academically.

There is lots that can be done to help a child who may have difficulty socialising in their own peer group, like letting them mix with children their own age with just an adult to keep an eye and allowing them to mix on their own terms. If these are not skills they have formed prior to reception, then being in a reception class is the best place for them. If the problem persists, then assessments such as for ASD could be the next step.

sparepantsandtoothbrush Sat 27-Oct-18 11:14:37

Children like making friends with anyone who will speak to them surely? My DS used to sit chatting to adults regularly when he was younger. Now he's a teen he barely speaks to anyone he doesn't have to speak to.

Why would befriending adults be a sign of a gifted child? (And of course you'll ignore my question as that's what you do)

LisaSimpsonsbff Sat 27-Oct-18 11:42:23

I agree that this is more likely to be a sign of a child who struggles socially with their peers than a sign of great intelligence per se. When I was at primary school there was a boy who was absolutely lovely but not very academically able and he was adamant that his best friend was the school groundskeeper because he'd let him watch him mow and talk to him about gardening which he just loved. Thinking back that relationship now sounds so unacceptable but I'm certain it was innocent and really nice! But the point is that the adult saw - and indulged - a sweet and quirky little boy whereas his peers saw a 'weirdo', so of course he preferred the adult. I don't think it meant they were really on a level - I don't think the groundsman really thought his best friend was an eight year old!

Goingonandonandon Sat 27-Oct-18 11:55:45

I agree with Lisa - it's true for children of different abilities, it also happens to children with SEN. They might struggle to make friends with their peers because they play differently, but adults will make huge allowances for the child, play their way, follow their rules, go at their speed. When socialising with children their own age, children (gifted or not) will have to blend in the group better, follow other children's rules and games. That's where my DS struggled, as he stubbornly wants to play his own way. He started making friends in year3, when he became a bit more flexible, and now at Secondary school he has made loads of friends who have more in common with him. Geeks do tend to find each other!!!

Rach000 Sat 27-Oct-18 16:33:48

My 3 year is best mates with our 60+ year old neighbour. She goes over to her and talks to her for ages sometimes. Haha. Don't think it's because she is gifted, but she is pretty clever for her age I guess. She likes the attention and biscuits, also her dogs... Think she see her as a grandma even though she has grandparents she see a lot.

Love51 Sat 27-Oct-18 16:44:04

I used to prefer the dinner ladies to some of the other kids when I was in lower school. I was fairly bright but found most other kids annoying and frustrating when the insisted on being wrong and not bowing to my superior knowledge. The dinner ladies probably thought I was a pita. I was a polite, bright and very well read 8 year old, and didn't quite have the emotional maturity I thought I did.

Ohyesiam Sat 27-Oct-18 16:47:46

Dd did this. She’s top set kind of bright, but not a genius. Mostly she did it because adults give a much better quality of attention than a child, or that’s what it looked like to me.

Madratlady Sat 27-Oct-18 17:02:13

From your posts it sounds like that your child is an only child so probably around adults a lot. You also appear to think your child is superior to ‘normal’ children of their age which they’ll be picking up on. I know plenty of (perfectly average) children, my own included who are as happy chatting to adults as their peers, so I don’t think it’s anything unusual. If your child prefers the company of adults to children then I’d say that their social skills are lacking and they struggle to interact with their peers.

user789653241 Sat 27-Oct-18 20:55:47

If you really think your 4/5 years old can form a truly equal relationship with adult, I don't think you will never get great responce here, because I think it's just not very common.
Yes, children who have social difficulty prefer relationship with older children/adults, but it's only because it's easier for them, rather than they have things in common.

Iwasjustabouttosaythat Sun 28-Oct-18 01:20:50

If you look up a list of traits of gifted children you will find “preference for adult conversation”. It’s always on there.

OP, I think you need to have a name change. People aren’t going to give you the time of day now. I think you need to engage a bit more in conversation if you’re asking questions relating to your child. There are some truly pathetic people who frequent the G&T boards but there are some lovely and helpful ones too. I think you have even alienated the lovely ones by being so short with everyone. And you’re not doing you son any favours by perpetuating the myths about gifted children and their parents.

On the other hand, OP has said her son is profoundly gifted (though there was no reference to any professional assessment). If he really is profoundly gifted there’s no point doing the old, “ I know a bright child and they’re nothing like you describe”. Very, very few people here will have ever spent any reasonable amount of time with a PG child. Don’t pretend you understand because you really don’t. Neither do I but at least I take the time to read up on it.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, quick, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Get started »