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Non pushy support

(80 Posts)
Bexterfish Thu 15-Mar-18 08:43:17

My dd is 2.5. She can write her name without help, and loves writing letters and learn phonics etc. She can recognise most letters (Ive bit taught her the alphabet song yet) and recognise words like mummy, daddy, her own name etc. I've bought her some writing books because she's so interested but others tell me im being pushy. I don't make her do anything she doesn't wasn't to. I've no idea about gifted or anything like that Tbh I'd never really heard of that before I came here today but she's clearly bright. She could talk in full sentences at 2. Was potty trained day and night at 2. She can count to 10 but sometimes forgets 6&7. When she sees new words she will say 'that's a m for mummy ' etc. Surely encouraging her interest isnt being pushy? She'll be going to private school so she probably won't be stand out bright there (fairly sure she would be ahead of the curve in state school). I'm not sure what I'm asking. I don't want to be pushy but if she wants to learn surely it's ok? And any I right in thinking she's showing great potential?

irvineoneohone Thu 15-Mar-18 09:06:49

I see nothing wrong in supporting her interest.
My ds was very eager to write, and I got him books of dot to dot, maze, tracing the various lines(straight/curved/spiral, etc)
Also he loved colour by numbers colouring books. He enjoyed cutting and pasting cut out letters from magazines to spell names of the cars at that stage.
Magnetic letters/numbers, abacus, teaching clocks, lego(he never put anything in his mouth so we gave him lego before 3.), wooden blocks, train sets, kinex were the toys my ds enjoyed before nursery.

JumperPoo Thu 15-Mar-18 09:17:08

Why do you think private school children will be “ahead of the curve” compared to state? The children are the same, it’s just parents have the money and have chosen to spend it on private school fees. In our area all the children go to the same pre schools before heading off to private or state. They are all a mix of abilities wherever they are off to...

Both my DD and DS could do all your DD can do, in DS’s case earlier in terms of speech. They both go to state school and while thriving, they are amongst children with similar abilities (and some catching up, some further ahead). Children catch up with each other around 4/5 so you may find your DD is middle field by the time she gets to school.

There’s nothing wrong with encouraging her interests. You might want to have a look at your attitude though. Perhaps that’s what people are reacting to...

1SquealingSquirrel Thu 15-Mar-18 09:27:26

Ah yes because us “paupers” that can’t afford private schooling obviously have thick kids grin

Bexterfish Thu 15-Mar-18 09:33:44

Because you have to pass an exam to get into private school

Bexterfish Thu 15-Mar-18 09:37:52

Maybe not all private schools are the same but the ones round here they take a test even for first year. You only don't do the rest of you start in nursery (which dd is) bit that's only 20 children.

irvineoneohone Thu 15-Mar-18 09:40:08

I don't want to burst your bubble, but my ds was counting backwards from 1000 when he was 16 months old. Was able to count up to 100 in my native language(I taught him), and able to count to 20 in Spanish(picked up from TV) when he was 2 years old. He is in state school.

JumperPoo Thu 15-Mar-18 09:40:52

Bexter, have you actually looked at prep screening for 4 year olds? For the most desirable local schools, every child in my daughter’s state Reception would have passed the criteria. Even the feeder school for a top boarding school accepts boy with what I would call perfectly average age-appropriate abilities. If you are talking about later on, yep, there are selective tests/exams, but your daughter’s abilities to pass these will have absolutely no correlation to her current potty training ability, speech at 2.5 or date at which she she could recognise mummy 😉

Family121 Thu 15-Mar-18 09:42:49

i'm sure this is very typical of most children this age. My son is the same age as your DD and he loves to learn too, he has a love of books. He can count to 20 and read the numbers using flash cards . He also can read and knows his full alphabet amongst writing his name. i've never really pushed this on him he just loves reading and flash cards, he is a brilliant speaker and has been speaking full sentences since he was 1, but most his friends his same age can also do this. My son will not be going to private school, and as long as hes happy in life i don't care.

I don't think your pushy, i think your been her mam, who cares if others think your pushy, i wouldn't give a f**k.

Bexterfish Thu 15-Mar-18 09:58:20

Irvine I don't think counting is her strong point. But Maybe all her friends are thick then because no one else i know can write any letters and most can't wrire their name until well after 3 infact I know a fair few 4yr old we can't

Jumperpoo. It's a very competitive school. They only take a small number but I appreciate not all the kids will be smart but all I was saying is the over all level will be higher than state school so she's less likely to be to of the state there are children who can't count by the time they are 8 and certainly can't read at 3

JumperPoo Thu 15-Mar-18 10:02:18

You realise that the only test your DD is passing in that case, is her parents ability to pay the nursery fees, and to continue to pay school fees? If school entrance was genuinely related to ability or potential, some of those 20 children would be asked to leave at the end of the nursery as they don’t cut it? It sounds like it’s just a ‘face fit’ screening and check for any obvious behaviour can’t tell much at nursery entrance at 2 y/o...

irvineoneohone Thu 15-Mar-18 10:04:33

They are not thick! It's just those aren't their interest yet. Which most children are at that age. Just because your dc can and others can't it doesn't make your dc better. Some maybe good at throwing or kicking balls. Some maybe more emotionally advanced.

Bexterfish Thu 15-Mar-18 10:08:56

Jumperpoo. They are. If she doesn't reach a standard by end of nursery year she will have to leave.

JumperPoo Thu 15-Mar-18 10:10:20

Good God Baxter. I think you might be pulling our legs. You do realise ‘private’ schools cater for all abilities, that handing over cash for fees doesn’t equate to a child’s academic brilliance. And I don’t know any children at my child’s school that can’t count at eight.

You sound unpleasant, prejudiced and rather sheltered in your life experience. Again, I’d worry less about your DD’s ability and more about your attitude.

Also, if your DD is brighter than her nursery peers, but certainly no brighter than the children of PP’s experience (who - horror! - now attend state school), you might want to ask yourself how elite your school really is...

Chienrouge Thu 15-Mar-18 10:12:47

My 2.8 year old can write her name, she recognises (and can write) all the letters of the alphabet. She’s just written ‘mummy I love you’ although I had to spell the words out for her.
We had her ‘parents evening’ at pre school last night, and while they said she’s very bright, they didn’t seem overly impressed by her abilities! She’ll be going to state school as a summer born so no idea where she’ll be in terms of her peers.
Anyway... I do writing/workbooks etc with her because she enjoys them. If she didn’t, I wouldn’t. It’s not pushy to encourage things they enjoy. She also loves scooting, play doh, painting etc so I encourage that too.

JumperPoo Thu 15-Mar-18 10:12:49

Oh and my son and many of his peers could read at really isn’t that unusual.

Bexterfish Thu 15-Mar-18 10:13:41

Thank you all for your input. You have all made me realise that my child isn't special in any way, the fact she can read at 2.5 is totally normal and she's not actually bright just plain Jane average and that pushing myself financially to give my child the best education, one i missed out on, makes me pretentious with an attitude problem. Thanks mn ill re evaluate my life now.

Chienrouge Thu 15-Mar-18 10:14:44

And my 4 year old (November birthday so starts school in September) could read at 3. Again, her pre school didn’t/don’t seem to think she’s some kind of genius!

irvineoneohone Thu 15-Mar-18 10:15:38

What's the standard by the end of nursery? For comparison, my ds was able to read any words(reading age of mid teens by start of reception), writing a diary, and can do multiplication and division mentally by end of nursery. But it was just academic stuff. There are more important stuff in their early life.

TheresAFireEngineInTheFreezer Thu 15-Mar-18 10:17:41

Sorry to burst your bubble op but my 18 month old is fluent in 17 languages, able to write on par with some of the most well respected authors of past times and can The hokey kokey... better send him to private school!

JumperPoo Thu 15-Mar-18 10:19:34

I’m referring to your ill informed attitude to state education, and the children who attend, not your DD’s abilities. She’s doing fine as you know, currently ahead of some of her peers (nice to call other 2 y/os thick, btw). She’s not doing any better because she’s at/will continue to go to private school. And her current abilities are no indication she’ll be ahead of the curve.

Bringing her up with the attitude that she’s better/smarter just because she’s at private school will do her no favours.

Recognising words isn’t reading, btw.

irvineoneohone Thu 15-Mar-18 10:21:44

I think can read at 2 and half is bright. But there are others who didn't have opportunity as well. So comparing with others who can't and thinking your dc is gifted, and thinking children who goes to state is thick is a bit naive.

Bexterfish Thu 15-Mar-18 10:31:20

I went to state school. It was hopeless. I had to fight to learn anything. I'm glad not all schools are the same but my experience if state is lots of kids with additional learning needs and no support so the bright kids are abandoned

Chienrouge Thu 15-Mar-18 10:37:24

We looked at our local private school, it was lovely with lots of fantastic facilities. However we also have two excellent state schools in our village. We have decided to go for the state school.

Emerencealwayshopeful Thu 15-Mar-18 10:38:29

Your daughter might fit into the gifted category. But the information you have given in this thread isn’t enough to be sure. She’s very young still, and there are big ‘normal’ ranges for gaining the skills she has now.

Children love to learn, it’s not a design flaw or a sign of genius. What they learn varies massively because interest, culture, parent priorities all play a part. Many children who are hyper-lexic, or especially good at language and reading at an early age, are behind in other skills and by age 7 are indistinguishable from their peers. And some do turn out to learn faster and excel across the board.

Children who have an IQ in the top 2% are as likely to struggle through childhood as those with an IQ in the bottom 2%. If this is your child you support them, but expect that you will have understanding challenged lots as they grow.

To return to original question, yes, she seems to be an early reader. This should totally be supported and encouraged. No, it doesn’t mean anything about her long term academic prowess. Enjoy learning together, make sure she gets opportunities to learn other things too - like setting the table and helping with cooking and housework.

And please don’t think that private schools are automatically better at supporting bright children. It depends on both the school and the child.

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