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Is it usual for G&T children to get little recognition at school?

(69 Posts)
Singlemum1985 Sat 07-May-16 19:43:49

My DS is a summer born child, infact a week later and he wouldn't have made it into this year group. He is 5 and in year one, I have been told that he's G&T and various tests put him in the 99.8th percentile for Reading, Literacy and Mathematics. That being said, it hasn't made a blind bit of difference at school! He's either bored or frustrated most of the time at school, although he always does what he's asked he's stopped volunteering any extra. Since the 'tests' and me, poking my nose in as she seems to view it she only ever points out the negative. I'm kind of at the point where I'm just wishing away the rest of this year and hoping for an amazing teacher who he can connect with in Year 2!

Over the last few weeks DS has mentioned a few different things regarding awards and I'm starting to get just as frustrated as he seems to be! Firstly he said that he isn't allowed to know how many stars he has left to earn on his reward chart, but don't worry about it mum as I'll have loads to get! Why's that I asked, he said his teacher never lets him answer a question as he already knows the answer! My point is, how is he ever going to be able to earn these rewards if he isn't given the same chance as everyone else! Secondly he came home (and this is entirely my fault) with a message to say his teacher had said to tell his mum its no good always getting all your spellings correct if you don't know what they mean! As he rarely has to learn his spellings (even though they are differentiated) I forgot to check he knew what compose meant (the phone rang and we never re-visited it) - never mind he could define and spell onomatopoeia! And finally, DS told me last night they have a new teddy in his class they can bring home when they have done excellent work. (Suzie*) got it today for remembering Capital Letters, Finger Spaces and Full Stops without being told, that's great I said maybe you'll get a turn next week. His response broke my heart, I won't Mummy - I always remember my punctuation and nobody ever says anything - yesterday I did two pages of writing and used lots of adjectives and (Zane*) got a stamp for writing three sentences. Now I'm not saying that both of these children didn't deserve a reward, of course I'm sure they did but despite him being bright he still is just a five year old little boy who craves some attention and recognition of his own!!

Am I expecting too much or being over sensitive? Sorry for rambling away I've storing it up!

BombadierFritz Sat 07-May-16 19:47:59

I wouldnt be happy if that was my school but he sounds bright enough to have worked out how the system works. The teacher note home about spellings sounded a bit 'chip on shoulder'

JamesBlonde1 Sat 07-May-16 19:54:46

It's really rubbish how some schools/teachers just let the brightest rumble on. Focus goes on the others. They forget these brightest are our future inventors and potential world shakers so in fact, more effort should be put in with them. They are the ones who make a difference in our progress and development as a society.

Any chance of going private at a selective independent? If not now, he may get in on a bursary supported placement when he's a bit older.

I'd be piddled off too in that situation.

throwingpebbles Sat 07-May-16 19:59:39

I don't know what the solution is but I do get a bit of where you are coming from.
No easy solution but I think every child deserves a balanced amount of attention and recognition and it is easy for teachers to let bright children cruise along, which is a big shame.

CoffeeCoffeeAndLotsOfIt Sat 07-May-16 20:04:02

I have no idea about G&T children, but could you have a word with the school about moving him up a class?

throwingpebbles Sat 07-May-16 20:05:51

Selective school or similar a good option potentially

Plus my parents did lots of "extra" stuff with me at home as I was bored at school

My boy suffers from the "rarely getting recognition because he never causes trouble issue" and it does bother him sometimes. I buy him the odd extra treat (eg a book he wants) and just let him know I am proud of him

Basketofchocolate Sat 07-May-16 20:14:47

No recognition here - no awards, no work shown to the head, no stickers like the other kids get despite working up to 4yrs ahead in maths. I asked at Xmas if he and the other boy at same level got any special 'well done' from the teacher for their hard work - cos it can be tricky as it's a few years above - and he said 'no'. May have been true, may not. Certainly no special mentions in assembly or anything like that.

I think he's noticed. I hope he's not bothered. It's hard tho cos in many ways the maths comes easy so there's little effort to reward perhaps - same with spellings, etc that he never has to learn, so from that point of view, it's hard to say if it should be rewarded.

I just get cross around sports day when those who are bigger/stronger/more able to run faster get a trophy and recognition in assembly despite not needing to put much effort in, yet the same doesn't work for the academic side.

As said above - this is something you will have years of having to deal with I expect so make sure you give the praise and encouragement at home as you may not find it at school.

Singlemum1985 Sat 07-May-16 20:25:15

I can't finance and independent school - although I will definitely look into a bursary thank you! Thank you for you words though, they really helped - I get the impression that my DS is just one child less for them to worry about!

They are not allowed to move them up a class they have to extend the work horizontally rather than vertically!!

I do lots of extra work with him at home too!

Just any positive attention would do him wonders at the moment ☹️

JamesBlonde1 Sat 07-May-16 20:52:24

I don't have this problem, but hearing these stories it occurs to me that some teachers, state funding aside, Have chips on their shoulders.

Let's face it, some are teaching, because it was an easy option to do so. I'm not saying it's an easy job, but they're not always picked from the intelligent tree are they? Some are very bright but not all are tipping past 120 IQ. Perhaps they are narked they weren't as bright as your DS. Oh, and most of the teachers are mothers themselves and may realise their offspring aren't as bright as yours. But of envy there. They may also be far too left ring to realise we are all very different and perhaps, just perhaps, the brightest should be exceptionally well educated as it could help society. Some are capable of being a brain surgeon and some aren't.

Do as much with him as you can out of school until he is with a teacher who appreciates his intelligence or you can get him into selective. Good luck OP he sounds a lovely little lad and I'm sure he will reach his potential and do well in life.

lljkk Sat 07-May-16 20:58:13

teacher never lets him answer a question as he already knows the answer

Is that group work? Is it because she's letting the other children get a chance to answer? DC had this, not getting picked when they could say the answer faster. I explained the other children deserved to get the satisfaction of getting right answers, too.

I didn't really understand the problem with spellings. A tiny bit of miscommunication?

Need to talk to teacher if you think he needs more external validation to stay motivated.

In answer to your question -- yes, DC got buckets of acknowledgement. Stickers, housepoints, certificates, gushing teacher comments, school-wide competition awards, other rewards. Teen DD still gets loads of recognition (from peers & adults). As did I when I got labeled a gifted child. Obviously those are just snippets of personal experience.

lightgreenglass Sat 07-May-16 21:06:02

I would bring this up with them and ask how he can get rewards as it does sound heart breaking.

James generalising much... I'm from the school of thought that some people were meant to work at McDonalds but I know several teachers and they are nothing like you mention and all very intelligent people. If you were teaching a class of 30 sometimes the bright ones don't get pushed enough but that's why it's important for parents to be proactive in their children's education.

BrandNewAndImproved Sat 07-May-16 21:15:39

I find schools reward whoever puts the most effort in no matter their ability.

Dd isn't g&t but she is top of the year out of the girls in maths, in the top set of absolutely everything and gets extra hw set. She also gets chosen for anything to do with speaking, IT, showing parents around ect but that's Because she volunteers to help all the time.

And it is all the time. She misses her lunchtime as she helps out playing games with the ks1 dc, she tidies the classroom most days, she helps in assembly, she runs a break time club, her hand is always first up for an answer and although her teacher would really like someone else to answer a question for once she carries on and on putting her hand up. On every report it has always said dd puts 100% of effort into school. She would be annoying to any pushy parent who felt their dd deserved those privileges more without seeing the work my dd puts into the school.

Get your ds to want to be more involved in school in things outside his comfort zone instead of just always putting his hand up. As for doing things he already knows my dd has been allowed to bring her own books to read in once she read all the library books for her age and she does her own experiments to tie in with what they're learning in school and the teachers love it for show and tell.

If I had been a middle-class married mum with a dh who worked in finance somewhere and knew enough to push a very intelligent child when they were young I bet dd would have been a g&t child. I feel quite sad about that but otoh as shes such a sponge when it comes to learning her teachers have all loved her especially Because she's always trying.

irvineoneohone Sat 07-May-16 21:26:12

It kind of depended on teacher IME. My ds's yr1 teacher was great with less able children and some mums were raving how good she was. My ds was totally ignored.
Yr2 teacher was great for him, and he was always been recognized and rewarded, but some mums were complaining about her.
You might get better teacher for him next year.

Singlemum1985 Sat 07-May-16 21:33:29

I'm not entirely sure where in my thread I said my child doesn't try! Regardless of how hard he may try, which I did make clear he doesn't get recognition! And why on gods earth should he not put is hand up if he know's the answer to a question - I have no issues with giving other children and equal chance but that includes him. My DS would like to be involved in much more but is never chosen. After finishing his work his daily 'extension' task is to go help the children in the lower group - he loves this and I'm sure it's beneficial to both my DS and the lower ability children - he doesn't even get praise got this!

I'm glad you have an amazingly supportive school and your child is lived by everyone she comes into contact with but to assume this happens in all schools or it's the child at fault is naive in the least.

G&T is not about bring a pushy parent, children are usually naturally gifted in a particularly area which becomes apparent - regardless of your class, as a parent you would notice this and do you best to nurture it.

And by the way I am a single mum, from a working class family who worked full time whilst studying for a degree and somehow I still managed to notice my child was gifted - oh and I didn't need a middle class husband to help me!

Singlemum1985 Sat 07-May-16 21:34:35

Sorry that was aimed at BrandNewandImproved it won't let me tag for some reason.

BrandNewAndImproved Sat 07-May-16 22:06:48

Wow I'm sorry you took that personally op.

I was just trying to show you how my dd who also puts her hand up all the time carries on putting her hand up and carries on trying even when the teacher deliberately chooses someone else to answer the question. She really persevered throughout ks1 and now in ks2 it's been massively rewarded but it's not because she's clever (although she is) it's because of her effort. She would never notice what others were getting as rewards or have on their behaviour chart. If you let this oh poor me I'm so hard done by attitude carry on with ds it won't help him in school. My ds has a negative attitude and it really hinders him.

The boy who wrote 3 lines got rewarded for doing his best, maybe your ds teacher thinks he can do better and that's why it's not being rewarded as such although getting the bear was a reward and yes at that age the dc do have to take turns and the teacher does have to find something for every child to be good at to get the bear

You could have a word with the teacher and say oh hi teacher, ds is being really negative atm even though you are already rewarding him (class bear) I'm doing lots of positives reinforcement for his self esteem and it would be great if you could help back that up in class for me to get him to shift his attitude.

Singlemum1985 Sat 07-May-16 22:33:24

I did take it personally - your delivery was really poor which meant your semi-valid points were lost in translation.

I still disagree with you regards effort. Whilst I complete agree both the other 29 members of the class deserve the bear or sticker or stamp or just a plain old well done for their efforts (be in finally being able to write one line of text or three pages) do does my DS. As previously stated in my first post he completes everything requested including his extension tasks but no longer goes above and beyond because he gets no recognition.

As an educator myself I firmly believe in positive praise and reinforcement, a simple 'Well Done' would boost his self esteem that he is likely to go above and beyond in future. Unfortunately, at five year old, lack of praise and encouragement can often have the opposite effect and exceptionally bright children come to the conclusion of 'why bother' if nobody notices.

I have many conversations with the class teacher but the more I try to intervene the more often I receive little digs. He isn't allowed to bring his own books although he is a free reader so that isn't really an issue as he gets to choose from the whole school.

He certainly does not have a 'POOR ME' attitude, he doesn't verbalise any of these issues at school and just shrugs it off as I provide enough validation to boost his self-esteem at home. Although even if he did, he's five and that would be a totally valid feeling for a five year old.

BrandNewAndImproved Sat 07-May-16 22:50:00

Ok op. If you say so.

I do wonder if he's actually on the g&t list or if it's just you saying that...

throwingpebbles Sat 07-May-16 22:52:52

I get where you are coming from single and yeah it's not that you have a whinger more that their effort is time and again taken for granted or overlooked.
bear your daughter sounds very confident, but the quiet children who don't have the confidence to wade into everything also deserve recognition for the things they do well.

BrandNewAndImproved Sat 07-May-16 22:54:45

And so do the dc that can only write 3 lines..

var123 Sat 07-May-16 22:57:53

Have only read the first post, so apologies if this has been said already. The reward schemes are always to encourage better behaviour and / or better work or effort. A child who makes a small improvement is infinitely more likely to be recognised in the reward scheme than the child who behaves them selves all the time, always listens and does the work and who always attains the best level available.
It's rubbish and unfair, but it's how it works.

throwingpebbles Sat 07-May-16 23:13:32

I don't think any of us are disputing that brandnew but it's crap watching the quiet, bright and well behaved ones get overlooked when they too are putting in lots of effort

Singlemum1985 Sat 07-May-16 23:16:38

Hahaha yep I've just made it up for effect! Sounds more like sour grapes to me from someone who uses the excuse that their child isn't on the list because they're not married or middle class and you never thought to 'push' them!!

I am very proud of my DS regardless, if he was lower ability as long as he try's his best that's all any child can ask for.

At the end of the day all children deserve recognition for their effort regardless of if they're lower ability or G&T and my thread was asking if others have found that G&T are overlooked. As you have clearly expressed that your child isn't your clearly on the wrong thread.

WandaFuca Sat 07-May-16 23:29:06

I do wonder whether the notion that almost all children level out eventually, stems from those needing encouragement and support getting that, but bright children becoming demotivated by lack of attention to their needs and being left to their own devices and then giving up.

Rewards and awards are important at any age, but most especially in children. Sure, teachers are under increasing pressure to focus on children who they need to get up to the “acceptable” level for the school’s statistics. But any motivated teacher (presuming there are still some of those) could find a way of acknowledging your son’s effort and achievement.

A lot of people, including some teachers, think that bright/gifted children have it easy, that they don’t have to try, so neither achievement nor effort merits any reward, or even a mention. But bright/gifted children usually put in a lot of effort because they want their work to be good. Then, as you say, they can end up with the “why bother” response and just coast through school. But they don’t learn how to learn, which hits them later on when the learning challenge eventually becomes real for them; and that’s when the “all children level out eventually” seems to be proved, when a gifted 5-year-old doesn’t end up with stratospheric GCSEs or A-levels. The conclusion is that the child wasn’t gifted at all, just had pushy parents, rather than asking why a school didn’t nurture that innate ability.

BrandNewAndImproved Sat 07-May-16 23:31:05

Lol ok op. You've obviously decided to find an argument with what I said even though I apologised and said it wasn't meant to be personal. My musings again wasn't personal but you made sure to put your working class credentials in for some reason when that part wasn't even about you.

I have no need for sour grapes. My advice about having a word with the teacher about being positive would really help your son. It's a shame you can't see it.

Maybe this is your pfb and that's why you expect the class bear everyday or Whatever. If you want your pfb to be constantly praised then home school. You've admitted on the thread he doesn't go above and beyond anymore so don't expect above and beyond praise. HTH smile

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