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Does being separated/divorced stop DC from being GandT if father not interested in education/books etc?

(10 Posts)
Homely1 Sun 24-Jan-16 20:49:15

I'm rather worried. I'm separated. I know my child is bright. DC is a toddler and doing well at her nursery. I'm worried that the more time my DC spends with father, the less likely it is that she gets into the school that I'm wishing for get to go to (and nursery recommend). Entry is competitive and based on assessment. DC father not interested in education, books, lots of chat with DC. I know I may sound pompous to some? How can I ensure that DC maintains s good chance?

unimaginativename13 Sun 24-Jan-16 20:50:38

If you were together she would still be influenced by the both of you surely?

Lurkedforever1 Sun 24-Jan-16 21:40:26

Same as an your other thread, no.

Homely1 Sun 24-Jan-16 22:45:28

Yes, I've not posted in this section and I did not know which gets more traffic!

Bolognese Tue 26-Jan-16 15:01:17

How much of the week are they with you, is it fifty fifty?

Homely1 Tue 26-Jan-16 22:18:31

Mostly me but he is wanting more time, wants mediation, talking about court (which terrifies me)

PrimeDirective Tue 26-Jan-16 22:39:41

G&T is about the child, not the parent.
Your objection to your child's dad is completely absurd.
Don't use it as an excuse as to why your DC can't spend more time with their dad, you will look ridiculous.

Bolognese Tue 26-Jan-16 23:15:42

I have been in the same situation (still am) and I had to accept that my DC has as much as I wish otherwise another legitimate parent with all the rights, privileges and problems that brings. Also have several close friends that are in the same situation. I know exactly what you are going through, PM me if you want a more detailed response.

Went through the court system, you are right to be afraid of it, avoid it at ALL costs, it destroys lives. Don't trust lawyers advice.

I have a gifted son, in Y9 now, and for ten years his other parent has never done a single homework with them, read a single book with them, or supported them academically in any way. In fact they have actively discouraged homework and study, putting me down every chance possible.

My advice is to find a solution that works for you all, as PrimeDirective said dont stop the other parent from seeing their child. For example my experience is that, building up to contact, every other weekend plus half the school holidays works well. This gives the child school time stability for you to foster good academic standards but plenty of time with other parent, almost considered as down time to relax.

The scenarios that don't work with parents of different ideals, is spitting up the school week, or spontaneous contact. All sort of problems occur with those.

var123 Wed 27-Jan-16 13:03:36

How would you feel Homely1 if you were the one who wanted more time and he was the one describing that as terrifying?
Maybe I am prejudging - is he such a bad person, this man with whom you had a child, that you have good reason to be terrified of what he could do to his child?

If you don't, then it makes you sound like a control freak and your child might be better with some balance in his/ her life.

Homely1 Fri 29-Jan-16 21:14:08

Thank you.

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